"Perfect Bronzy"...

The following microfiction piece that I wrote, entitled "Perfect Bronzy" was inspired by uber-fantabulous visual artist Annie Lee's uber-fun painting titled Alley Jazz.

"Perfect Bronzy" by Tiffany Gordon

Hey there! 👋🏾 Bronzer here...

I'm the oldest child in the Joseph clan. I have a set of fifteen-year-old fraternal twin sisters named L'Oreal and Maybelline along with a set of six-year-old identical twin brothers named Revlon and Fenty. And no, my momma wasn't high on percs when she named us! lol 😂 😆 She just really loves make-up a lot, a lot. In fact, in her younger days, she was even a celebrity makeup artist who once worked for Missy Elliott.

I'm free at last. I'm free at last. Thank God Almighty, I am free at last, lol. 🤣 (Shoutout to MLK!!) ✊🏾 I'm hyped to finally be an adult. I just turned eighteen six months ago on November 18th (Scorpio 🦂 ♏ Kings and Queens Stand Up!) and recently moved into my first apartment in Teeton, TX, near Corpus Christi, which is about a three and a half hour drive away from my hometown of Austin.

As the oldest rugrat of the bunch, I feel like I had to grow up lightning fast and become the man of the house because my real dad passed away from a blood infection when I was 9. Even though I've never even had a serious relationship with a shortie, sometimes I feel like I'm 28 with four kiddos instead of 18 with four siblings because I never got a chance to kick up any dust or to loosen up my tie, so to speak, since I always had to set a good example for my younger siblings and make sure that they behaved well. 

My sisters call me "Perfect Bronzy" and think I can do no wrong because I was my high school's valedictorian and scored a perfect score on my SATs, but I'm just a normal brother trying to make my way in life! I ain't better than anyone else. I just work hard.

Perhaps, now that I'm in the Corpus Christi area, I'll get some much-needed kid-free time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to go chase waterfalls or anything; I just want more time for running, my artwork, hiking, and the gym.

Truthfully, sometimes I feel left out because I am the only single child in the family. Having a twin would be so dope! It'd be like having a built-in best friend your entire life who can read your thoughts. L'Oreal and Maybelline fight like cats & bathwater at times, but they always have each other's backs in the end when it counts. Once when someone refused to serve a meal to L'Oreal because of her complexion, Maybelline went up to the restaurant and threw a cherry 🍒 pie in the waitress's face. I won't cap 🎓! Maybelline was a fool for that one! Lol 😂 And once L'Oreal (who rarely ever curses) thoroughly and PROPERLY cussed out two different boys in NYC who were attempting to play with Maybelline's heart.

Grammy calls me one of "God's Favorites" ever since I survived having an umbilical cord wrapped around my neck when I was born as well as a fall from a eight-story apartment window when I was five. And Momma calls me a blessed boy and says that I must have a bulletproof guardian angel. I hope that it's true because I'm definitely going to need him or her for the line of work that I've chosen.

Guess what, y'all!? Your boy is officially an undercover cop now, and I just wrapped up my first case. I guess police work is my way of chasing adventure since I led such a sheltered life growing up.

For my first undercover assignment, I posed as a saxophone-playing street performer who people compensated with dollar bills to acknowledge his talent. My five years of saxophone 🎷 lessons came in handy after all.

I was a mainstay on Tucker Road in the Jackson Tunnel neighborhood for several weeks. Don't worry folks, I didn't pocket the hundreds of bucks that I made; I donated it to my local homeless shelter. I also opted to do surveillance and had everyone call me Mr. B while I was on the beat rather than going undercover with an alias because I can't stand deceiving people. I have somewhere to be when this life is over and I want to make sure that I do right by God.

The Jackson Tunnel neighborhood is a heavy drug trafficking neighborhood. I was a member of the team in charge of tracking GHB distribution in the neighborhood since three local young women have ended up receiving spiked drinks from the popular neighborhood bar called Philip's. All three women were drugged, then robbed, and landed in the hospital ICU with respiratory issues.

Fortunately, after four weeks of surveillance, we caught the person spiking bar patrons' drinks with GHB. He is a local college football star named Ronda-Kendi Cunningham. It felt phenomenal for our team to be able to catch a big fish! 🐠

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you... I just learned something through my officer training that blew my mind. There are "GHB awareness" stickers available that women can put on their nails that will determine if their drink has been spiked or not. Apparently, the stickers turn from neon yellow to neon orange if a finger with the special sticker is dipped in a drink that has been spiked with GHB. I wonder if the three women who were targeted at Philip's Bar had had the stickers if they would have avoided calamity. Who knows? But it is always better to be safe than sorry; therefore, I will ABSOLUTELY be picking up several packs for my twin sisters when they head off to college in the next couple of years.