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Between love and pity

Which way to go?

By MON YEN Published 3 months ago 3 min read
2

I am Jonathan, Mexican. A few years ago. I met Ann, a Brazilian girl at a Brazilian barbecue in France. It turned out that we were in the same major and same university but I was a semester ahead of her. That's how we became friends, hanging out and such. A time came when I went on the offensive, she told me that she was in a relationship, which I respected, but in the meantime, our relationship was of the type where she often came to spend a night at my house. I wasn't going to lie, we were just studying with nothing more. Time passed, I graduated and was able to get a job in a nearby city, a town (1 hour from our university). I naturally moved there. I thought that the distance would keep us away from each other. But no, she often came to visit me. At my home, whenever the temperature was rising, she found a way to leave or remind me that she was engaged. However, she never fails to say "You want me, but you have other girls in your life" whenever she notices the presence of any other female around me. Honestly, I ever feel embarrassed and confused. When I reminded her of her engagement with his finance, she said "Anyone is as they are". I have been struggling to understand her meaning in vain. Later she told me it was over with her fiancée and she wanted to start again. A few weeks later she told me we wanted to discuss it with me. During the discussion, she told me that I did not assure her enough to be my girl. "You are too much of a homebody, you never took me on a date, you never give me anything," she said. I asked if I was her guy so I could reassure her about as such. I asked her polity to give me a chance to be her man, only then could I handle her as my girl. She said her friends ever advise her to assure some guarantees before venturing into any relationship.

I compromised and accepted her. Ever since, I spent sleepless nights rehearsing this girl on certain subjects, taking her to the restaurant, being there when she was down, and watching over her when she was ill,.... lately, she sent me a text message saying "It was a pleasure to meet you, if necessary you know where to find me". All along, it was hello, good evening (She blocked me on all social media for almost two months). A few weeks ago, I received a message from her saying "I'm in your city, are you at home? " I said yes and she said, "I'm coming". Once at my home, She brought the subject back to the table saying she wanted to try something new, that is to finish her studies with my support. then she continued with the questions: are you still single? do you still want me? can I trust you? I am still single? I said yes and she said my answer was not clear. " I am an insecure girl who lives in constant fear of abandonment (my father went out one day and never came back, I discovered later that he was living with his 2nd family and I do not have a mother)

after a long chat with her, I discovered she was with her boyfriend and things did not work out well, and she said it is completely over between them now.

I felt very sorry for her and decided to keep her at my home for a while since she had no way to go. Today she seems more serious, and I am in absolute doubt, I don't know if her story is true or false, or if she is planning to use me again as previously. If she deserves another chance or not. I don't know if this insecurity that drives her will ever be normal (the problem is she doesn't accept being influenced by that) because living with someone like that means spending your life proving, that it's mentally exhausting. and the worst I haven't even asked for anything yet and she wants is guarantees for us to move on to a marriage.

Honestly, even though I now pity her more than I love her, I feel like she's a very good person deep down. I do not know whether I have been emotional or judgemental.

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About the Creator

MON YEN

Storyteller, translator &interpreter ( French, English, and Chinese ) are my daily routine up to now

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