If Apps Were People You Knew

Most of us feel a strong bond with our apps these days. It’s no mystery why. Every app has its own personality we love. Or hate. They’re so unique that they are quickly becoming archetypes of people we once interacted with on a daily basis.

Zoom

He was the friendly new guy in your office and everyone was excited to meet him. Until the day he let on that he had taken to stalking you and listening to your conversations. He’s too useful to fire though, so you just grind your teeth and wait for someone better to come along.

Bumble

She was that nice girl who approached you first. She gave you high hopes that this would be a “forever” thing. She wasn’t a jerk like Tinder and promised to never break your heart. But in the end, she was just like every other dating app.

Youtube

This guy had so many stores and constantly kept us engaged. Without realizing it you told him more and more about yourself. Then he went out of his way to find out more details and told everyone. You ignored the red flags (like him offering you tickets to a show you Googled yesterday) because he was so fun to be around.

Yahoo Mail

She was the popular girl in high school. Everybody knew her, and kept up with her during college. Then one day everyone forgot her. Sometimes you wonder what happened and if she’s even alive.

Truecaller

This guy appointed himself as your protector. He’s there when someone tries to hassle you, asking for nothing but respect and maybe a lunch or two. You don’t mind. He’s a true friend.

TikTok

She’s bright, cheerful, and really popular with the younger crowds. Her creativity knows no bounds whether it’s for art or business. OK, she hates conflict and can’t take criticism. You also have a suspicion that she might be a little racist, but man, she’s so cool, so you let it slide for now.

Quora

Dressed in red with round glasses she’s the worst counselor in your town. You’d reach her when depressed and full of doubts. She’s generous enough to pay you for asking questions but confuses you with multiple answers.

LinkedIn

Oh my god, THIS GUY! He’s always looking for the most impressive person at the party to talk to. When in a conversation you can tell he’s just interested in who you know. And if you don’t appear to be useful he’ll ditch you when he goes off to get more punch in favor of a 22-year-old entrepreneur.

Robinhood

He borrowed 5 dollars the last time you went out, promising to buy you an even bigger meal the next time you went out. You’re still waiting on that meal. Last you heard he was stealing from the poor to become very rich.

Uber

You try not to go back to a toxic relationship with this guy who has questionable beliefs about worker’s rights. Yet he’s good for a quick ride when you really need it. Though you’re a tad ashamed to mention it to your friends when they bring him up.

Blinklist

This guy is obsessed with productivity. He doesn’t live life in the moment, he gets it delivered to his phone. He’ll make fun of you for “wasting time” by reading a whole book when you could be making money. Yeah, he’s rich, but he’s not happy.

Snapchat

She’s that crush next door who drew you in with her bubbly personality and kept you glued by her window all night. However, her forgetfulness was an act and her many masks became exhausting. You hate to say it but you lost interest fast and went for someone with more substance.

Skype

She was that girl whose calls annoyed everybody. And you’d wonder how to win an argument as she’ll quote and unquote you from the history. In the end, you cheated on her at a house-party.

Twitter

Witty, funny, and full of knowledge you can’t get enough of her. Lately, though she’s always ready to argue and pick a fight. You stay because when she’s in a good mood she’s such a delight.

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Disclaimer

This article was originally published on another platform.

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