A Treasury of New Words and Terms for Burned-Out (Adult) Children
I took this too far - Neolomicro Bloopers
Greetings and Welcome, language lovers.
Following the Neolomicro Challenge, I was left with a lot of bizarre definitions that I thought might give some of you a chuckle. These are the offcuts that I ran out of time / inclination to pursue. I hope you enjoy them, and that they can be the start of a glorious new dictionary for these beleaguered times.
Sycofancy - a style of dress adopted by disingenuous people when they try to get on your good side.
Rejaculate - to get off to video footage of yourself performing a sexual act. [See also: Refried Creams]
Cringe Benefits - unexpected (and rare) advantages caused by being in the company of overly dramatic and entitled people. (James made such a fuss to the driver about being 3 minutes late that we got ten bucks off the fare so...cringe benefit, I suppose?)
Hoax-Cuisine - cheating by way of ordering-in and using ready meals to pretend to be a great chef.
Nopamine - the happy chemicals one receives when one actively decides not to engage in society and indulges in a cosy night in. [I'm pretty certain this MUST be pre-existent.]
Grommel - a beautiful and cosy beast of the forest; the FUPA.
Slap of Luxury - the immediate feeling of sadness when you enjoy something immensely but realise that it is beyond your purchasing power.
Glitch Slap - when technology ruins your day.
Bombtage / Blowreel - the footage of every failure in your life that plays in your head (often to a jaunty tune) as you begin to fall asleep.
Vomniscient - when someone is so well-informed that they make you feel physically sick.
Autohellatio - the act of vigourous self-loathing while alone.
[Example of cumbersation:
1: That was a lovely meal, great choice! Have you eaten here a lot?
2: Yeah it's great! We used to come a lot more, but then Jasmine told me that she had been seeing a therapist nearby to get over her profound fear of spending the rest of her life with me, so we don't come as often as we used to. Luckily, now her mother has gone into the home the frisson of mortality had forced her to reassess her expectations and acknowledge that there's security in our relationship. She says 'Once passion dies, a steady paycheck is better than a doorway." So that's great, I get to come back here on date-night!
1: *intentionally fascinated with the candle on the table* This...looks like one of those wax candles, I think. D'you reckon they used wax here?
2: Tonight I might get to sleep beneath the sheets
1: ______
2: Hahahahaha, this is fun. Thanks for coming to our wedding anniversary.
1: *eats candle*]
Shiverdance - the rare jerking (a myoclonic jerk) that precedes sleep.
Muckulent - particularly filthy / juicy / salacious - pertaining to gossip.
Pounsel - advice that the deliverer had nearly killed themselves in holding back unto the point of delivery. Accompanied by a whooshing gust of self-confidence, and often unrelated to the topic of conversation, as the pounsellor has not been listening.
Brotato - An Irish Man.
Glowbedient - when you are perfectly organised and prepared for a routine encounter with authority and your willingness to cooperate makes you look inadvertantly suspicious. [Example - an encounter with Customs and Immigration at the airport.]
Contrascension - when someone with vastly less experience / knowledge of a subject matter presumes to instruct you.
[See also: 'Who is this prick'-tus - a quiet smile that women wear in a professional setting when male colleagues are talking over them and being incorrect.]
Foolfilment - self-defeating/self-deceiving ways that human adults try to find meaning and happiness in the world. Can be in any form, as nearly all good things are in some way bad for us. My main forms of foolfilment were vodka and red wine.
Flopportunity - an endeavour that might be advantageous to pursue if capitalism had left you with any spare energy after basic survival. Multiple missed flopportunities might amount to foolfilling behaviour, however. [conversely, see also: Nopamine.]
Shamorous - when you're not particularly in the mood for sex but you pretend to be.
Slackstabbing - bitching about a colleague via in-house messaging system.
Liarrhoea - a gush of lies caused by the uncovering of an initial lie. (So you left him because he lied once? Nope, I left him because he had incurable liarrhoea.)
Craprosanct - rules and institutions that continue on for some reason and cannot be challenged (see 'What side should I hang my toilet roll?')
Teacock - someone who glories in the gossip they impart.
Instagraine - a headache, sensitivity and nausea (physical or spiritual) caused by overt Instagram scrolling
About the Creator
Conor Darrall
Short-stories, poetry and random scribblings. Irish traditional musician, sword student, draoi and strange egg. Bipolar/ADD. Currently querying my novel 'The Forgotten 47' - @conordarrall / www.conordarrall.com
Reader insights
Outstanding
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
Top insight
Compelling and original writing
Creative use of language & vocab
Comments (17)
Oh, these are GOLD!!! They may definitely make it into lexicon territory as many are so user-friendly and hit the bullseye dead center. Great work here Conor and congrats on the top story!
Outstanding, brilliantly imaginative work. May I offer you my most enthusiastic contrafibularities.
Culpahumble.I have one of those. Loved this. Hilarious and entirely believable! 🤍
I will be memorizing all of these for future reference. What a great collection! Masterfully done!
Flopportunity...my new life slogan
Love it!!! All your adult words are awesome, and especially loved, "Glitch Slap - when technology ruins your day."💕❤️❤️ Congratulations on Top Story.too!!!
Back to say congrats on the TS.
This is fantastic. I love them all! If I had to pick one "Teacock" ha ha ha ha! Get Collin's dictionary peeps on the blower. This word must become part of our lexicon!!
And so, a new dictionary was born and long may the Darrall's English continue. Made me laugh at their plausibility! Excellent!
Congratulations on your Top Story🎉
Cumbersation….I new there had to be a term for that, thanks. This was a great read, I hope to retain some of this fir future use. Congratulations
great🙊
Flipping genius, I tells ya! Laughed a lot at these, out loud… hoorah for your creative mind x
Nopamine is going into my official lexicon. These were great! Remind me of a writing stye I don’t usually publish here, but love to indulge in. Subscribed!
These are great. Faves - rejaculate and brotato. 😂
These are really funny 😆 Well done!
Oh this is brilliant! So many clever words. I’m going to start using some of these.