"You'll Be Missed!"

I'm putting out my bi-monthly challenge late this time, mostly because I've been sick for over two weeks now and also because I just started teaching again, so a lot of work and responsibilities on these shoulders.

But I wanted to stay true to my own goals and presence on Vocal, so even though it's not a full month, I'd still like to run this challenge.

Imagine that after years, or perhaps even decades, of (dedicated) service, your coworker or boss is finally retiring.

Everyone is gathered for the farewell. There's cake. There's a card making its way around the office. Someone has brought balloons and party banners. People who haven't voluntarily spoken to this person in years are suddenly saying things like You'll be missed! and It won't be the same without you!

And now it's your turn.

Write a retirement send-off for someone you never particularly liked but were required to remain professional with. It can be a toast, a farewell speech, a message for a retirement card, or another appropriately cheeky good-bye.

The catch: you still have to sound polite.

No screaming grievances. No straightforward insults. No Thank God you're finally leaving or Good riddance!

Instead, give us passive aggression polished to a professional shine.

Praise their unforgettable management style. Celebrate the enormous impact they've had on workplace morale. Wish them all the leisure time they so richly deserve but never craved. Express confidence that the office will somehow find a way to carry on without them.

The best entries should work on two levels: innocent enough that the retiree might smile, and sharp enough that those in the know will have to stare very intently at their cake to keep from laughing.

After all, retirement is about closing one chapter and beginning another.

And sometimes it's about finally being able to say what you've been carefully not saying for twenty-some years.

Raise your glass. Sign the card. Try not to get fired before they leave the building.

Requirements:

• Write up to 100 words (no lower limit, brevity is the key here).

• The piece must be written as a cheeky good-bye wish.

• Publish in any appropriate community that accepts microfiction and link your send-off in the comments on this story.

• As always, I will tip $1-5 to the best wishes I like.

• Deadline - September 30, 2026.

And as always, here's my own example, for a retirement card:

"Dear Dianne, after 32 years, this college simply won't be the same without you. And for that, we are profoundly and eternally grateful."