Writing is NOT a Safe Space

"Wouldn’t it be great if every reader was transparent about their thoughts on my story?" said no one ever.

Me, whispering: "I want that."

I fundamentally believe that life is easiest when people are transparent. No lies, no half-truths, no masking of inner thoughts. Just pure, simple, truth. It would require a huge shift in conversational expectations, though, and I’m not sure society will ever get to that point. Plus, we’d have to stop being lazy and I don’t think humanity would survive such a call to action. We like our private thoughts protected by any means possible, after all.

I’m not saying that transparency requires all thoughts to be accessible by everybody. When someone asks a question, the answer would always be honest, is all. No hiding.

Who would agree with me that Vocal ought to be like this?

I hope there are a few of you, but the likelihood is that no one really wants that. See, Vocal expects positive engagement. Its creators thrive on the support, the praise, the kudos. Unsolicited constructive feedback is frowned upon and largely viewed as damaging to the author.

Why is Honest Feedback Such a No-No?

It’s simple, really. Writers want validation.

Not honesty.

Even if we used the sandwich method (compliment, feedback, compliment), writers would still prefer the purely positive comments. It’s the same for readers; we want to show support, give praise, and compliment what’s working. While I don’t believe that most readers on Vocal are disingenuous, they also aren’t transparent. We read too many stories and not all of them are flawless.

Is a lack of transparency on Vocal a problem? I guess not. Not a big one, anyway. People here don’t seem to lie but at some point, writers leave the platform. I wonder if that might in part be related to a lack of the kind of connection that would eventually lead to a good feedback relationship. After all, Vocal is a good starting place for new writers. Of course, there are other reasons for leaving and I'm not trying to make it seem as though this is a reality. Just a curiosity of mine.

Part of this is due to humanity’s tendency towards deception. In the face of possibly hurting someone’s feelings, we will deceive. It’s the same impulse behind covering up a mistake or justifying hurting someone. Suddenly, truth isn’t the most important thing; feeling good is. It takes maturity to develop a conscience that will step in and prevent these self-preserving tendencies. So asking us to accept a transparent society, relationship or, say, digital platform, is like asking us to go against every reflex and not flinch when the gun goes off.

I think the majority of us want to improve, though. We want people to be honest…just not too honest! We want our feelings to remain untouched. The more insecure we are, the less we crave transparency and in its place is validation. This isn’t loving when it’s dishonest. It feels good, but ultimately, it makes the truth painful when it never had to be.

Isn’t that a shame? The truth gets sacrificed and we’re stuck in a world that has to balance strangers’ feelings with our own integrity. No wonder social media is toxic; there’s no boundary on either side of the spectrum. People will lie just to have fun or be brutally honest to perfect strangers. And on the next level, you see people prioritizing “kindness” to a specific group to such a degree that everyone else is labeled a villain and suddenly we’re in a black and white, fundamentalist cult.

Vocal shines by comparison.

As a pseudo-social media site, Vocal is definitely all about positive community. There isn’t a strong dark side…though it has started brewing. My point here, though, is that deception doesn’t always look dark. Honesty and positivity are not mutually exclusive, unfortunately.

When we always write positive feedback, we expect to always get positive feedback; an even exchange. I think that’s damaging in the same way some people view getting unsolicited constructive feedback to be. No one is always positive. No one likes everything. And nothing is perfect. So…if we’re always offering positive feedback, it’s statistically guaranteed that we’re being deceptive.

Deceptive positivity. Not a solid foundation for improving one’s work, is it?

It makes it worse that Vocalites publish their work to an audience of peers. The readers are writers. Yet, we don’t view each others’ work as being open for feedback. That’s a huge missed opportunity. We all have valuable advice to offer. Shouldn’t we utilize it?

Standards

I want to write on Vocal knowing that I have peers who will give me feedback on the craft we share. If we have one thing in common, even if we’ve never interacted before, it’s that we value high quality, innovative writing. I want to know whether I’m meeting that standard.

Here, I think, is where the problem comes in. We don’t all share the same standards, do we? I don’t expect that everyone agrees with my statement above: “We value high quality, innovative writing.” Some people value entertainment more than these. This isn’t bad, just different.

So how can we expect anyone to give us feedback if we all value different things? I don't think we can. If I were to write a very philosophical piece, I’m more likely to be offended, rather than helped, by feedback from someone who says it’s too deep, confusing, and boring. If they don’t value pieces that make them think, I don’t value their insights. And ain’t that just the perfect recipe for wrong assumptions and a potential argument?

Instead of going about it chaotically, like the above example, why not make our standards known? If we did, we might attract the kind of reader who will gladly give us feedback without the fear that it’ll come off as mean. In other words, try to match our writing with the right kind of feedback.

Let’s try something. Imagine a peer giving you feedback, someone you want to hear from. What would they say?

Here's an example, using myself.

When I imagine a peer giving me feedback, I see them reading my piece more than once in order to understand my overall intention. Then they’ll tell me whether I’ve achieved it or if there’s still work to do. They’ll be specific, quoting areas that are good and areas that need work. They will hold me to account if I lose the thread of a theme or a character’s arc, for example. They'll tell me to stop if I go too far in explaining something or being too obvious where a metaphor might work better. I want my peers to value my work enough to tear it apart because they know that’s the only way I can improve; they share that value with me.

Evidently, I have high standards for feedback. My intended audience isn’t just reading for fun; I want to get them thinking, re-reading, filling in the blanks, asking questions, and above all, telling me if my work sucks. I can’t improve if I’m not humbled. Knock me down a few pegs if my fiction is pretentious. Hold me to a higher standard if it spoon-feeds the audience. Humility requires both of these: expecting better of myself and drawing a line in the sand.

Your answer to this exercise will be different than mine, of course. That’s the point. My aim is that doing so will give you a solid filter for reading feedback and a sturdy foundation when asking for it.

Values

Now consider what your first principles are as a writer. What do you value?

First principles: the fundamental concepts of assumptions on which a theory, system, or method is based.

Some of mine are as follows. In no particular order:

• Write truth, even if you’re writing fiction.
• Look for the other side of the argument.
• All emotions are good inspiration, but always question your conclusions.
• To write is to be vulnerable. It is risky, uncomfortable, and unsafe. Don’t become complacent by forgetting this.
• Write to a specific audience. This will attract your ideal readers.
• Always assume the best in your audience.
• Ready to publish? Sleep on it.
• Read everything like you’d want others to read your work.

These are very specific to me. Yours will be different, of course. That’s the point. My hope with this exercise is that it will give you a meta awareness of what kind of writer you are so that you can look back at the list and track your success. This is also useful because as you grow, your values might shift and it would be good to see how and why. These are "first principles,” but if your theory changes, then so do the principles.

Transparency is hugely beneficial. It starts with ourselves, and flows out to touch and change others. More than that, it's critical for self-empowerment. Like I mentioned before, deception leads to harm, even if it’s positive on the surface. Whenever a lie is discovered, people lose trust in others and in themselves. After all, if you can’t trust yourself to spot a liar, who can you trust?

I want every writer, fledgling or professional, literary or otherwise, to foster the most honest feedback and support as possible. It might have to start with solicitations and that’s okay. I’m hoping that by putting out declarations of our standards and values, we can start attracting active audience members who want to invest in our writing, make it better, and see it grow. Having writer friends should involve this kind of engagement, don’t you think?

Perhaps if we all challenge ourselves to do the above exercises, we can attract the right kind of peer feedback. Maybe that will have a ripple effect. Water after all, is transparent. That might just be our end goal.

Challenge

I challenge you to write down your standards and values as a writer. Really sit and meditate on this. Imagine your ideal peer reader giving you feedback. What do you want this person to focus on? What do they bring to the table that you know you need to hear in order to improve? Write it all down. Then, go back to the first principles of writing. What do you value?

When you’ve done this, compile it all into an article and post it to Vocal, pinning it to your profile. This will act as your declaration. Make it known in the title! Anybody who chooses to invest in you will have read this. If they share your values, they'll stick around.

I will be posting my own declaration in the next few days. I hope you choose to take up my challenge and do the same!

Let’s make Vocal more like water. The ripple starts with us.

A/N: Thank you for reading.

This is part of my ongoing series with fellow creator, Cendrine Marrouat. To read our other articles, please see below:

• Essay 1 — The Imposter Writer—Stop Doubting Yourself
• Essay 2 — Imposter Syndrome, Be Gone!
• Essay 3 — Workshops are Treasure Troves
• Essay 4 — No, Reviews are not Just for Readers