Why I Disappeared

It’s funny how one small loss can make you question something you once loved so deeply.

I know I disappeared for almost two weeks.

No, I wasn’t kidnapped.

No, I wasn’t “busy building my empire.”

And no, I did not suddenly become productive in real life.

I simply lost a competition and then dramatically questioned my entire existence like every emotionally unstable writer does at 2 AM.

So yeah. That happened.

A month ago, I entered my very first writing competition on Vocal Media. And for some reason, my brain really said:

“First try? Obviously we’re winning this.”

The confidence was illegal.

I spent hours staring at my screen trying to write something “different.” Something unforgettable. Something that would make readers pause for a second and think, "Damn."

Instead, I mostly developed eye pain, stress, and a very unhealthy relationship with the backspace key.

And then the results came.

I lost.

Which is normal.

Completely normal.

There are thousands of incredible writers on this platform. Some of them can write one paragraph and accidentally destroy your emotions for three business days.

But my dramatic brain didn’t care about logic.

It immediately went:

“Wow. Maybe you actually can’t write.”

“Maybe your stories aren’t even readable.”

“Maybe that’s why you still haven’t built a huge community after all this time.”

And honestly?

That hit me harder than I expected.

So for the last two weeks, I stopped writing completely.

Not only here, but everywhere else too.

I kept opening blank pages and then closing them five minutes later like they personally offended me.

But I think this is also part of being a writer that nobody talks about enough.

Sometimes writing is beautiful.

Sometimes it feels magical.

And sometimes you sit there for eight hours fighting a sentence that still looks like it was written by a confused potato.

Especially when writing slowly becomes more than a hobby.

Because yes, writing is my passion.

But secretly, quietly, dangerously…

I also want it to become my future.

And that thought brings pressure with it.

Balancing studies, family, responsibilities, life, and writing at the same time is honestly harder than I expected. Sometimes I feel motivated. Sometimes I feel completely lost.

But I think disappearing taught me something important:

Losing one competition does not mean losing your voice.

So this post is basically my confession.

A reminder to myself.

Proof that I almost gave up over one result.

But I’m still here.

And I’ll write again.

Maybe better.

Maybe weirder.

Maybe with less emotional damage this time.

No promises though.

>>>