Understanding Intimacy in Relationships

Every relationship or marriage can come across issues in the bedroom. If you have been married for decades and have a satisfying sexual connection; you have won, the lottery. I am not saying that sex is everything in the relationship/marriage however it is a huge percentage of happiness.

I have read numerous articles and blogs on marriages that had great sexual satisfaction before and during their union. However, lately the percentage of those articles has diminished from satisfying sex to sexless marriages/relationships. This is possible if you allow it to happen.

A happy couple isn’t just happy on the outside; they must feel this intimate, sexual desire, affection, lust for each other. How is it possible that you cannot want to physically be intimate with the person you claim to love? Is there a physical issue at hand? Are you no longer attracted to your partner? If so ask yourself why? Do yourselves both a favor and speak of the matter and address the issue rather than building up tension and insecurities in the other.

For example: If a woman is no longer interested in having any sort of physical intimacy, sex, making love, whatever you want to call it. The man should ask why not? She can be brutally honest and tell him he’s gained weight. Or perhaps she is just no longer emotionally interested? Whatever the case might be, it should be discussed and dealt with. It should never lead to weeks, months, years of a non-sexual relationship when one of you doesn’t agree. This will only lead to other issues in the relationship/marriage such as insecurities, doubts, fear of cheating, feelings of neglect and mental anguish from being rejected and or separation/divorce.

If a man is no longer interested in having sex with his partner. He should do the same and be honest about it. A woman is not naïve and will not believe her partner can go months without having an erection or want to be with her. Yet finds all sorts of evidence he’s attracted to other types of females/males and styles. Any man who has not had sex with his partner for months and shows no desire for her; could mean several things. “He’s just not into her.” He is or has been having sex with another or simply masturbating to pornography.

If there is nothing physically wrong with their partner the simple fact, is they want you and don’t want you. They want you in their life but don’t want to have sex with you. They’re using you simply for companionship. If you seriously look at healthy, honest relationships they admit to having sex 2 to 3 times a week if not even more. A healthy sex life is a happy marriage/relationship.

When a woman is no longer interested in the man; she has an affair or leaves him for another man who wants and desires her. A man who doesn’t want sex with his partner yet prefers masturbating to porn and even hooks up with escorts and or on sexual video chats. You know the kind all over social media. This type of man or woman simply need to not be in a relationship. Be honest to yourselves and all those you claim to love.

Ladies, if you’re crying because he chooses to look at all genres of women everywhere else. Try dressing like those women, doing what those women do to get him going, break down that wall to get your man. Unless you’re not the adventurous type, continue to stay in a sexless relationship.

Men: If you’re no longer interested in your partner and prefer looking at women on the internet. Do yourselves a favor and stay single. You can live the life you want freely, happily with fantasies.

If you both choose to remain together speak on all the issues. What sparks the interest in the other. If it’s lingerie, nudity, positions, role playing, toys, dirty talk, threesomes, or simple missionary then speak on it. Always keep in mind that the more open and honest you are with another. It will only achieve a whole new level of happiness.

I hope this helps someone or anyone out there. This comes from experience for I was once that deprived woman whose partner chose masturbation and pornography than the real deal. So, if you want your relationship/marriage to be the best that it can be. Open up the lines of communication and be honest about what you both want. If you remain silent all your deep neglect will take a toll on you mentally and you may begin to resent your partner by continuing to stay in an unhealthy relationship.

When I say I speak from experience it it the absolute truth. I had been humiliated so often at the signs of rejection. It took a mental toll on me until the day I decided to leave the relationship. It wasn’t until decades later that I truly found myself to be in a happy, intimate, healthy marriage that is equal in every facet. Which further allows me to express myself through my writing, experiences in hopes to inspire others to do what is best for themselves, not others.

I understand that bringing my personal experiences on relationships will leave me vulnerable in the public eye. I feel that I need to speak my truths, my stories to other people who suffer from so many issues in relationships and simply let them know; they’re not alone.