My AI Writing Experiment

Artificial intelligence freaks me out! It feels like this evil dark cloud, looming off in the horizon, waiting to steal everything I've worked my butt off for.

When I think about it, it's that same feeling of nervous dread I used to have when the bullies were waiting outside the classroom of my elementary school to beat my head in.

And there's that same feeling of resignation, too. Like the bullies, AI is here, and there's nothing I can do about it.

But I'm not going to use it, and I sure as heck will not read anything that I even suspect is produced by it.

I've had several arguments with people about this. Some have even said that AI writing is so good now that you can't tell. Maybe I'm arrogant, but I really doubt AI can write like me. Or any other human who writes with even a scintilla of emotion.

I've published 2 novels. One, the debut, I Ran So You Could Fly (The Paris O'Ree Story) has spent several weeks at the top of the bestseller list. I anticipate my second, Moments Make the Man will follow suit. And I've been featured in very popular international publications like Chicken Soup For the Soul.

I can string a few words together. And one of the reasons, probably the main reason I've gotten this far is because of the emotion behind my words. There's an authenticity there that I just can't see a machine or a program producing.

But the claims are out there. There was one that struck me today. While I was on Facebook, an ad appeared for something called Phrasly. It promised to accurately detect AI-generated content and to turn that content into something so human-sounding it would never be detectable.

And it had a free trial.

Enter me to prove a point. I can't help it, it's the lawyer in me.

I grabbed a few paragraphs from something I'm working on. Of course these paragraphs are 100% mine and anyone with even a passing familiarity with my work would know that.

Wait, what? Yup, my totally human-written excerpt was judged by AI to be totally written by AI. Way to fail right off the bat there, Phrasly! Score one for humans!

Oh, but wait there's more. See the little white box asking, "Should we humanize this text?"

Oh, yes, yes, please, humanize my already human words, you dumb bot-sucker. Please show me the error of my ways.

Here's some of what AI came up with. You be the judge.

Here's my original, uneditied human words:

I don’t recognize the woman shuffling quickly around the crowded waiting room. Clad in a blueish-grey wool coat older than time itself, she’s a tiny bundle of exuberance. Friendly, curious about everyone around her, a veritable social butterfly greeting adults and babies alike. Especially babies. If she hadn’t been halfway through her eighties, she might have been running for political office.

“Sit down!” I whispered harshly, “this is an emergency room. These people are sick; they don’t want to be bothered!”

The small crowd let me know in a hurry how wrong I was. What I saw as pestering, they saw as an adorably friendly grandmother type, adding warmth and joy to their otherwise stressful day.

I shamefully shrunk back into my seat and allowed her to continue her rounds. My mother, woman about town. I’d never met her, yet I’d known her my entire life.

We got in to see the doctor in record time. Maybe the nurses were worried that the old lady in the waiting room was creating a disturbance. Or maybe, her ancient cuteness put her to the front of the queue. Either way, she got in in less than 20 minutes.

She complained to the young doctor, a thin man in his mid-thirties with a reddish beard, about her hearing. She could barely hear out of her right ear.

The voice she used wasn’t hers. It was soft and high, like that of a young child. Giggles punctuated every third or fourth word. She was playing cute! Not just cute, she was flirting with the physician! I could feel my toes curling inside my sneakers.

It's not perfect, but it's part of a draft and it's 100% me.

Let's look at what the brilliant AI did to it in its effort to make it appear more human:

I don’t know this woman. She’s darting back and forth among the harried people in the full waiting room. Small, darting like a pixie on pigtails. Ancient, musty blueish-grey wool coat that looks to have survived a shipwreck. Friendly and intrusive, peppering people with questions. One of those people who makes a point to say hello to every adult and baby in the room. Especially babies. If she hadn’t been in the latter half of her eighties, she might have been a politician on the make.

“Sit down!” I hissed rudely, “this is an emergency room. These are sick people who don’t want to be bothered!”

The small group of bystanders made it clear, with quick efficiency, that I was wrong. What I was hearing as harassment, they were hearing as adorably loquacious grandmother act, an addition of comfort and good cheer to their already challenging day.

I tucked away my rudeness and slid back into my seat, letting her continue her social rounds. My mom. Social butterfly, woman about town. I never met her, but I’ve known her my whole life.

We were through to see the doctor in lightning speed. It was possible that the nurses were concerned that the old coot in the waiting room was making a ruckus. Or it could have been that her ancient grandmaship had put her at the front of the line. Whatever the reason, we were in to see the doctor in less than 20 minutes.

She sat up on the stretcher, a mattress on wheels, and told the young doctor she was having trouble with her hearing. Barely heard out of her right ear at all.

The voice she spoke in wasn’t hers. A delicate high voice, a child’s voice. Giggles falling every third or fourth word. She was batting those lashes! Not just batting, she was batting at this physician! I could feel my toes curling inside my sneakers.

Yeah, I don't think so. I don't see the AI version fooling anyone. Every single ounce of authentic emotion has been stripped from the original and replaced with an overly descriptive, awkward facsimile of what AI thinks emotion looks like.

I am NOT impressed.

But I am happy.

Humans for the win!

If you want something that reads like a human wrote it, write it yourself. We can tell when you don't.

Rant over.