Musings, Jokes, and Dreams to Wake Me Up 3

I have a certain routine that I like to keep, but that hinges on me waking up within a certain timeframe. I like to be up and getting ready between 7:30 A.M. and 8:30 A.M. Sometimes, I don’t wake up within that timeframe and it winds up being afterwards, but it isn’t as if I can’t still do many of the things that I want to do throughout the day. But everything gets pushed back, or I often wind up with less time for certain things, etc. I don’t NEED to be up this early and I CAN wake up an hour later, but when I do it too often, my other projects get less time.

I go into detail about the long explanation here:

The short version of the story, I have to create something that I NEED to do each morning. So, this is the solution. I am starting my routine, taking a quick one or two minutes to write any musings, jokes, or dreams on my mind, timestamping myself, and then going on with my day. At the beginning of each week, I’ll post last week’s thoughts… with timestamps. There is no hiding from my successes and failures. I’d prefer to be succeeding more often.

8/24/26 8:14 A.M.

A few days ago I had blood drawn, and so after they poked my arm they taped a piece of cotton to my wound as they do. After removing the cotton and tape, I was left with those dark, sticky marks that you get when tape is left on your arm.

The next time I was in the shower, I was scrubbing to remove them from my arm. They were difficult little buggers. I finally peeled one off, then another, but the third one wouldn’t budge no matter how much I scrubbed. After a while I gave up, and I decided I must have “loosened it up” a bit, and I’d likely be able to finish it off in the next shower. Later on that day, I examined the red marks around a freckle on my arm… a freckle that I had been apparently trying to remove… and I wondered how I had made it this far in life.

8/25/26 8:27 A.M.

To anyone who is upset with their weight and unable to lose weight like they want, may I suggest weighing yourself in kilograms? You’re going to see a number far lower than what you weigh in pounds, and you likely won’t be able to convert it right away, and then you’ll just be like, “Huh, I don’t think I care how much I weigh. Because I don’t even know what this number means.”

That’s why when I’m driving, I worry less about if I’m speeding when I see that I’m driving 120 kilometers per hour. “Well, that seems really fast, but I have no idea what that is in miles per hour. It’s basically a made up number to me… so… I think I’m fine.”

The cops give you a pass too, because in the U.S. that’s just made-up-European-numbers and you can’t get a ticket for that. 

8/26/26 8:26 A.M.

I’m not even one who has a propensity for red underwear, but often when I buy a pack of boxer briefs, it’s mainly blacks and blues and grays… and then there’s one red. Because of this, I have collected many red pairs in my life. They’re fine. But I don’t like wearing them the first time.

Oftentimes, the very noticeable red lint from a new pair will get stuck… places. And the first shower after having worn a red pair will reveal this, and if you aren’t yet too awake or aware, you will see bright red, seemingly exiting your body, and you will think you’re bleeding from bad places. I’ve had that scare as many times as I have pairs of red boxers… so, I don’t know… eight times? That’s more than enough. I don’t need a ninth pair, I don’t need a ninth scare. 

8/27/26 8:28 A.M.

When I was growing up, August was always that strange month that didn’t fit anywhere… in my mind. Every other month had something to it, and August just felt like a floater. It always felt like September Junior to me… like a Pre September. It was prepping you for what September was going to be.

I think because, even though it was still summer, at the very end of August, I had to go back to school. And September was the real “back to school” month, but there were two days in August I had to go back to school to prepare for Real September… with Faux September.

I don’t go to school anymore. Now August feels like July The Sequel… July Elongated… Extra July 50 Cents Added Charge. August still doesn’t fit anywhere, it’s just extending what July is for another month. It doesn’t help that I’m in the middle of a heat wave, sweating my ass off, praying for fall weather, and back-to-school air conditioning. 

8/28/26 8:07 A.M.

I’m bad about remembering what I need at the grocery store. I always try to make a list right before I leave, and inevitably leave stuff off of it. What I’ve realized works far better, is making the list as I go throughout the week. I make peanut butter and jam toast, low on peanut butter, write it right now. I ate the last banana, write it down right now.

It works until I’m in the shower, and I notice I’m dangerously low on shampoo. Write it down right… uh, where can I write this? My paper and ink wouldn’t survive in here, nor would my phone. Can I write it somehow else in the meantime? Can I use the soap suds and etch it on the wall? No, that washed away. How about the foam from the shampoo, can I leave some in my hair, write it on my head? That’s counterintuitive, I need to rinse this out before I get out of the shower. Can I write it in the steam on the window? That could work, but as soon as I step out of the shower, forget drying off, I have to run to get my phone to transfer the message there permanently, because that message in the mirror, well, it won’t self destruct in seven seconds, but it will probably self vanish in a couple minutes. 

This is why I always realize I’m out of shampoo as I’m already standing in the shower. 

8/29/26 8:12 A.M.

I put my Do Not Disturb on a schedule so while I’m sleeping, no texts or calls wake me up. If I wake up in the middle of the night, I’ll often look to see if I got any texts, like, “Who tried to disturb me?” And then if I see none I’m like, “No one? I’m not good enough to be disturbed?”

Like I’m some sort of sicko.

Not like.

I’m some sort of sicko.

8/30/26 8:07 A.M.

I got to say, my strategy is working! I’ve been getting up earlier! And I do remember my dreams from last night. I had another basketball related one. 

Someone from work asked me to play on the company team for some tournament, so I agreed. I went out to the court to practice, and then someone told me there would be two kids coming out for me to practice against. They showed up and they were nine years old. I suggested one on two, not believing myself that this would be fair for them, and as if they read my mind, they said they needed reinforcements. 

They then summoned two adult women, Roz and Daphne from the show “Frasier.” Yup, so I played against the four of them, and their strategy was to grab me and hold me and force me to make shots while my arms were held down. I guess we were playing with no fouls. Then again, the 90’s were a tougher era for basketball, and that’s the era Roz and Daphne came from. Who was I to complain? I think they call too many fouls nowadays, so I suppose this was better. Like any “good” dream, it ended before the game, so I didn’t get to see if I would win. But I distinctly remember being up before the dream was over, still count that as a win.

8/31/26 8:05 A.M.

We had been having a heat wave the past couple weeks here in the LA area. It had constantly been in the high 90s and even broke 100 a few times. People were complaining because it was relentless, even the lows at night were still high. The temperature was constantly 90s, 90s, 90s… 

And finally, we’re in the 80s. Everyone’s happy again. The 80s are great. It’s warm, it’s approaching hot, but it’s doable. I think the 80s are excellent. Not only is the 80s a happy, warm, manageable temperature, but the 80s had great music too. The 80s had excellent action movies. And if you’re scoring in the 80s at school, you’re not top of the class, but you’re good. You’re right in that B- to B+ range, and that’s solid. Smart, but not showing off too much. I’m starting to think smack dab in the middle of the 80s is the place to always be.

I’m 85% sure of it. 

Oh yeah, ‘85 Bears, arguably the best defense ever, the list doesn’t stop. 

9/1/26 8:26 A.M.

Why is it that falling asleep accidentally usually results in such restful sleep? And then when you wake up like, “Oh shit, I didn’t mean to fall asleep here.” and then you drag your corpse to where you’re supposed to be and try to go back asleep you’re like, “Damn, I’m fully awake now.”

I should’ve stayed accidentally asleep because this on-purpose-sleep isn’t kicking in. My body is rebelling just for the sake of rebelling. Sleeping well when I don’t mean to sleep, refusing sleep when I attempt to sleep… “Hey Body, you’re screwing BOTH of us over right now! Not just me!” 

9/2/26 8:17 A.M.

I bought some new tank tops because I couldn’t find all my old ones, maybe half, and this hot weather, woo! I needed more. Now I have a fair amount of tank tops and I’m ready for whenever someone invites me to ride in a tank for a war or anything. 

But I have a feeling I won’t get to wear a tank top in the tank. You ever see how people dress in a tank? It’s like the opposite of tank top clothing? Every inch of their skin is covered. That’s anti tank top, but apparently it’s pro tank. 

I guess if I get invited to ride in a tank, for war or anything else, I don’t have the appropriate garb available. I’ll probably have to turn them down. It’s probably for the best, I’m not so into war or other tank activities. 

9/3/26 8:24 A.M.

People say “no pun intended” a lot, but some of these puns work so well in the moment, there’s no way they’re all happening accidentally. I have a suspicion that many of them are intended.

When I have said “no pun intended” in the past, I realized afterwards that they were intended about 80% of the time. I have a suspicion that among others, on average, at least 60% of these “no pun intended” situations were absolutely intended. Otherwise, how else would they have seen the pun coming and caught themselves before continuing on so they could state that it wasn’t intended?

When I intend a pun. I say it. “Pun intended.” No more lies, people. I see through you. How about you? Are your puns intended?

9/4/26 8:22 A.M.

I was just here looking at my shower, letting my mind wander, wondering what the wandering would have me thinking and writing… and I accidentally came up with a short story idea. Because of the shower.

I used to come up with bits for my stand-up routines while showering, way back when I did stand-up. I’ve come up with entire short story ideas in the shower. I’ve had jokes for stand-up that had to do with the shower; I’ve had short stories start off in the shower. But the idea I just had right now, the whole story is IN the shower. 

It’s everyone’s favorite place, right? Only good things happen in there. Only the best. But that won’t be the case here. Funny, I used to come up with ideas IN the shower, and now I’m coming up with ideas ABOUT the shower, while LOOKING AT the shower right BEFORE I shower. This general region is a hub for ideas.

9/5/26 8:29 A.M.

You’ve heard parents talk about how their kids are so beautiful, right? The most classic example is the mother saying her son is so handsome. But children typically look like some version of their parents inevitably, so, when parents brag about their children being beautiful or handsome or pretty… is it not just them being conceited?

Are they not just saying, look at this being who looks somewhat like me, perhaps a lot like me, look at this being that I created and have many similarities to… they’re beautiful. Are they not, in part, calling themselves beautiful? 

9/6/26 9:14 A.M.

Well, I clearly did not wake up in the timeframe in which I wanted to this morning. However, the night before last, I went to sleep and then woke up in the middle of the night. I couldn’t fall back asleep, and so I started working on the story idea I had mentioned above that took place in the shower like a crazy person. Yes, at about 4 A.M. I was writing this story, and I got a decent amount of work done on it. I finally felt sleepy and went back to sleep after being up for one and a half or two hours. Incidentally, I finished the story later on during normal people hours.

But then last night, I woke up in the middle of the night again, and this time I was so hot! I couldn’t fall back asleep because of the heat. I had to put the AC on for an hour just to cool my sweat attack, and I heard it turn off, so I know I was awake at least an hour, but then fell back asleep.

So, this morning, I wasn’t even snoozing alarms in any conscious manner, I just woke up from an alarm already having been snoozing it in my sleep. But I suspect I needed that extra sleep, and hey, it’s Sunday, it’s fine if I’m up late. I’ve been doing well for a while! Today’s sleep-in session, we shall call this my reward.