I’m Done Publishing

For the last year and a half, I have been writing here on Vocal, Medium, and other platforms.

When I started, I thought consistently writing would be enough.

If I kept writing, publishing, entering competitions, and showing up, I believed eventually something would happen. Maybe one story would reach the right reader. Maybe one poem would stand out. Maybe one competition would finally recognize my work.

So I kept going.

I wrote articles, stories, and poems. I tried different platforms, different ideas, and different ways of writing.

But if I am being completely honest, I have to admit something:

My writing is not where I want it to be.

For a long time, I looked for other explanations.

Maybe my account was affected by the suspension I had last year. Maybe the algorithm wasn't showing my work. Maybe my stories weren't reaching enough readers. Maybe I was simply unlucky with competitions.

Perhaps some of those things are true.

But blaming them doesn't change what I can control.

When I read writers I admire, I understand the difference.

Their stories stay with you. Their poems make you stop. Their writing has a voice that feels unmistakably theirs.

When I look honestly at some of my own work, I don't always feel that.

Sometimes I wasn't writing because I had something meaningful to say.

I was writing because I felt I had to publish.

I was thinking about views, readers, competitions, recognition, and sometimes even a few dollars.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to earn from writing. But when numbers become the reason behind every sentence, something gets lost.

The writing becomes rushed.

The story becomes an assignment.

And the writer slowly forgets why they started.

I don't want to do that anymore.

I also don't want to pretend I am already the writer I want to become.

I'm not.

And maybe admitting that isn't failure.

Maybe it is the beginning of becoming better.

I have entered many competitions during this journey, hoping that one day my work would finally be recognized.

It didn't happen.

And honestly, it hurt...

But instead of entering another competition and hoping this time will be different, I think I need to ask myself a harder question:

What am I missing?

Maybe I need to read more.

Study storytelling more deeply.

Learn how great writers create characters, tension, emotion, silence, and meaning.

Maybe I need to stop worrying about publishing and start worrying about learning.

So I have decided to take a break from publishing for the next six to eight months.

I am not quitting writing.

I am stepping away from publishing because I want to become a better writer.

I want to read books I should have read earlier. Study writers whose work makes me wonder, How did they do that?

I want to rewrite instead of immediately publishing.

I want to learn how to tell a story rather than simply put words together.

And most importantly, I want to find my own voice.

Because sometimes, when your voice isn't strong enough to be heard among thousands of others, the answer isn't to shout louder.

Sometimes you have to go quiet, learn, grow, and come back with something worth listening to.

I know I haven't always felt like I belonged among the writers here.

There are so many talented people in this community, people whose work is far ahead of mine.

I don't want to compete with that.

I want to learn from it.

So even though I may stop publishing for a while, I am not disappearing.

I'll still be here.

I'll read your stories. I'll read your poems. I'll follow your journeys and support your work.

I don't know what my writing will look like when I return.

Maybe it will be completely different.

Maybe I'll write fewer things but better ones.

Maybe I'll finally write something that feels like me.

For now, I have to accept a simple truth:

I am not a great writer yet.

But yet matters.

Because I don't want to stay where I am.

I want to come back with something I can be proud of.

Something that doesn't need an algorithm to make it meaningful.

Something that doesn't need a competition to prove its worth.

Something that makes a stranger stop reading for a moment and think:

I felt that.

Until then, I'll be reading.

I'll be learning.

I'll be writing privately.

And I'll be trying to become the writer I once thought I already was.

Thank you to everyone who has ever read my work, left a comment, pressed a like, followed me, or simply stayed with my words for a few minutes.

You probably don't realize how much that meant to me.

I'll see you again.

Hopefully, as a better writer.

There is one more thing I want to focus on during this time: my painting and calligraphy.

Something I had to pause because of my financial situation.

I came here hoping writing would help me financially, but things didn't work out the way I hoped. Still, I'm starting again with whatever I have.

So even if I don't publish anything new for a while, I hope you'll continue to support me by reading my older work, following my journey, or supporting me financially if you can.

I'll be writing privately, painting, practicing calligraphy, and learning.

Hopefully, when I return, I'll have something better to share.

See you on the other side.