I'm a Phoenix, a Cliché, Awkward, Nerdy Phoenix.

Kayleigh Fraser released a challenge this month that takes incredible courage: "Choose any ten of your random quirks or facts that come to mind; don't overthink them!"

https://vocal.media/confessions/get-to-know-me-challenge

Here we go, the ten facts that come to mind off the top of my head (in no particular order).

1) I am a survivor of domestic violence.

Some people have undergone more trauma than I did, suffered far more than me, and came out of their situations better than I did. To those people, I respect you immensely; I will never compare what I went through to what happened to you.

From my struggle, I was scarred with post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and anxiety. It filled my head with demons that refuse to be silenced no matter how many times I destroy them.

I'm open to answering questions about what I went through; it fundamentally changed me more than anything else in my childhood. For personal reasons, I won't share any stories from that period of my life in this list.

2) I consider myself a phoenix.

It's stupid, cliché, and a desperate attempt to make myself feel special and unique in a world where everyone wants to feel special and unique. I know. But considering myself a phoenix has done so much more for me than just "made me feel important."

In my darkest hours, when everything seems hopeless, it gives me comfort knowing that my current "self" is dying, and I will come back stronger from the ashes of that pain. It gives my pain meaning and opens a light at the end of the metaphorical tunnel I can run towards; it allows me to face my pain head-on instead of putting on a happy face or being optimistic. Sometimes, I must destroy who I am to keep going; no amount of "looking on the bright side" will help me. I am a phoenix; nobody will ever break me, and no pain or strife will destroy me forever.

3) I am both creative and analytical.

There are a million things I want to do in this life. I pick hobbies up and set them down again, always intending to return to them another day.

I have a degree in oceanography; I plan to go for a master's in engineering and a Ph.D. in oceanography. I adore writing but expanding on that, I love most things that involve arts or crafts. I draw, I knit, I paint, I weave, I sculpt, I sew. If I don't exercise my analytical and creative skills, I get anxious and twitchy; it's a mental itch that can only be scratched by analyzing or creating something.

4) Stories are my favorite thing in the entire world.

No, this doesn't include people because people aren't "things." It can include people's stories, though. I've asked hundreds of people: "What's your story?" The responses I've gotten have always been beautiful tapestries woven from their memories. Collecting and analyzing people's stories, both fictional and non-fictional, makes me a better content creator and, often, a better person.

I am the kind of woman who will sit at your feet like a school child and clap my hands shouting: "Storytime! Storytime!"

The primary media I consume are anime, books, and video games.

5) I am everyone's mother and older sister. A family isn't what you're born with; it's what you choose.

To those who have watched or read Oda's One Piece, I am White Beard. There was one thing White Beard wanted, and he'd wanted it since he was a child.

A family.

He adopted hundreds of boys and men as his "sons" and loved every one of them as his family. When things got bad, he forgave and understood them. But he also left the door open to remove someone from his family if they did something unforgivable.

I firmly believe a family isn't the people you were born with; it's the people you choose to fight for and keep close to you. I've had to cut people out of my family before; I will likely have to do so in the future. It's excruciating every time. I won't know who will betray me in the end and who will stand by my side, but I do know that those willing to stand by my side will lift me again when others betray me. It's worth it to me to grow my family, even knowing I could be hurt irreparably. Finding those people who will always be there is what a family is.

6) I love undertaking crazy and impossible tasks.

My brother and I love playing a game called "X-Com." It's a turn-based alien invasion strategy game. He is a strategy game expert; he's played thousands of hours worth of militaristic strategy games. My incredible brother has never beaten X-Com on the hardest difficulty despite his experience. I told him I would beat that game on the hardest difficulty someday.

He looked at me and said: "Monique, I've never come close to doing that."

"Well," I confidently responded, "I'm going to do it."

And in the greatest act of support a brother can give, he told me: "I know you will. But it's going to be hell."

Do you want to jump into a river of runoff glacier water in Spring fully clothed with no backup clothes in the middle of a hike? Sure, let's go. There's a competition to write 30,000 words in 30 days. That sounds exciting! The only things I draw the line at are: Will this cause permanent harm to me or others? Will this challenge be a deficit to me for the effort I put in? If the answer is no to those, then let's do it.

No, I haven't completed X-Com on the highest difficulty... yet.

7) I am the most awkward person I've ever met.

No, you are not more awkward than me, I promise.

The clerk at the pet store I frequent mistook me for an actress, and rather than saying, like a normal human being, "Oh, that's not me." I led her on by saying, "Oh, yeah, I've always wanted to watch that movie but haven't gotten around to it." There were at least three minutes of silence between us; she wanted to ask me if I was that actress without being rude; I was under a microscope. I could have taken my purchase at any point and walked out the door, but I curled my lips into my mouth, bit down on them, tapped my feet, and swayed back and forth while she waited for me to leave, staring suspiciously at me. When I realized she was waiting for me to go, I grabbed my purchase and rushed to the door. Then, I paused just before heading out and offered a friendly "Have a good night!"

And another story for you. I was invited to my high-school boyfriend's house for breakfast. I got there at around 6 a.m. and tried the door.

It didn't open.

I tried it again, and it still didn't open.

I figured they were still asleep, but my parent had already dropped me off and driven away. It was cold and snowy, and I didn't want to knock on the door or ring the bell in case they were still asleep. So, I did what any logical person would do next. I opened my ex's car (because he always kept it unlocked) and napped in the backseat. The front door was unlocked. It hadn't been oiled in a while, so it needed a firmer push (which I also didn't want to do because I was afraid I would break the door or be considered a burglar). I had to explain to my high-school boyfriend's family what I did and why I was late.

I have been assumed drunk, high, or under the influence of something more times than I can count because of my awkward behavior. If you meet me in person, be prepared to stand in awkward silence while I wait to be dismissed. I am the epitome of "don't meet your heroes."

8) I am drug and alcohol-free and have never tried either.

"So, do you like wine or beer?"

"Neither."

"How about ale?"

"No."

"Oh, you like the hard stuff, huh?"

-An actual conversation I had with a human.

Social settings don't offer an "I don't drink" option. It's only a possibility once I voice it.

Someone once asked me: "Monique, everyone around me is drinking or doing drugs to cope. Is that the only way to live life? Is that the only way to be... happy?"

I vehemently told them no. "If you ever need an example of someone living a happy, fulfilling life without drugs, alcohol, or mental stimulants, look to me. I'll be that person."

In my twenty-seven years, I have not drunk a single drop of alcohol or had any recreational drugs. No, I've never once felt "punished," "left out," or been "a bore" because of it. No, I am not fun at the kinds of parties you're thinking of, but hit me up with an anime party, board game party, video games, or anything super nerdy or crazy, and trust me, I'll be a blast.

9) I enjoy bouldering, boxing, snowboarding, figure skating, roller skating, and many other sports.

I may be the mother of all nerds, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying sports. Bouldering is life; I go a few times a week and nurse my sore muscles on the days in between. Boxing helps with my PTSD and gives me a sense of security; it also feels like dangerous dancing, and I love it. I've been snowboarding since I was six years old (21 years) and adore it.

Contrarily, I hate going to gyms or working out. Why would I ever sweat at a workstation when I can build muscles and have fun?

10) I am confident in my sexuality and proud of it.

It took me a very long time to reach this point. Years of conditioning have taught me that women can't be openly sexual without being called a slew of names that I won't repeat here. But why is it wrong for a woman to enjoy consensual adult time? Am I that much of a horrid person if I want it on a first date? And if so, why?

I'm demisexual, sapiosexual and pansexual. If I'm single, interested, and feeling a close romantic connection with someone, I don't see any reason not to sleep with them. And no, I am not any of those nasty names that may come to mind because of it.

Between the ages of 16 and 27, I've only been single for three months. As a friend said, I've had "a lot of play-in time, not a lot of time on the bench." Granted, that period encompasses only two relationships, one lasting eight years and the other ongoing. I've always been very forward about telling people I like them or find them attractive, and I see many people attractive.

Finito!

Some honorable mentions that I don't have a good story for: I am a spooky girl, love Halloween and spooky themes, I LOVE music, I love gender-bends, racial-bends, culture-bends, etc., for fictional characters (so long as it's done "right"), I love singing and dancing, and I can't handle gore without vomiting.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading! In the most awkward fashion I can think of, I'll end it here without much of a closing sentence. Other than that one and this one, which I added because I need something here.

Shit, now it has a closing sentence that doesn't make any sense.