Higher

When I was in late primary school when I started showing some ability for athletics. 100m sprint, high jump and long jump were my events.

My oldest brother is 14 years older than me and he is a PE teacher and sports guy. He took it upon himself to 'train' me. Looking back I feel bad that I didn't take it more seriously, because I think he really enjoyed it. But now, he has a son who he has trained in athletics through to a national level, so I'll consider his time training me good practice for that.

I was doing well on high jump, using the Fosbury Flop technique, until one day I just... stopped being able to do it. I would do my approach, but as soon as I got to the point where you actually jump, there was a disconnect between my mind and my body and I just couldn't make it do the movement correctly.

I got the yips. I tried again and again that afternoon. My brother got frustrated at me because from his perspective it looked like I was just running up to the bar and stopping. But inside I was trying to visualise how to move my body in the way I wanted. My body just wouldn't do it though.

I gave up on high jump after that. I continued on to have very lack lustre performances in long jump and sprinting over the next year or so. But my interest in athletics faded to make way for other things. Mostly music, which introduced me to punk and the subculture around it. I took up smoking and ruined my lungs. I'm still feeling the effects of years of smoking even after not having touched one for more than a decade.

I considered sports 'uncool'. Nowadays I train martial arts and I run and lift weights. For all of these activities I wish I had kept up with physical fitness from when I was younger. If only I had kept training. If only I hadn't started smoking. Now I keep going in a effort to make sure I can still use my body when I'm old. So my joints work and my bones don't give way.

Yesterday I tweaked my wrist breaking of a piece of chocolate. Life is about balance, I guess.