Going Forward

Alright, Vocal, you wanted us to rack our brains and reflect on what we need to improve upon? Well, it worked. Too well, if I may add.

There are a lot of things I want to change going forward. Things I noticed about myself last year that need correcting. Whether I'm ready to make these big changes or not no longer matters. It's time to rip off my band aid and acknowledge that I might have some ugly scars.

I'll start with my worst qualities.

For a while, I've known I needed to reduce my perfectionism. I spend way too long on a story for a challenge that I'll likely never win, and it crushes my self-esteem every time. Not because it didn't place. I didn't join Vocal to compete against other writers for a couple hundred bucks. I joined to improve my writing, which is why I've been stuck in this mindset that everything needs to be perfect.

Took a while, but I finally realized that it doesn't.

I've seen some raw, flawed, yet memorable stories get nearly a hundred comments and Top Story on this platform. Hang on. I'm not bashing anyone's quality of writing. Quite the opposite. I'm praising those writers who can produce content that's not perfect but still hits home with readers. They've helped me recognize I don't need to put in this back-breaking effort only to end up disappointed with the lack of results. It's a realistic mindset, and it's unrealistic (and quite frankly, unhealthy) to expect a flawless story from myself every time I write one.

There's a term for people who repeat an action over and over, expecting a different ending, only to wind up with the same outcome each time.

It's called insanity.

The likes and comments on my stories average out to less than twenty. You can imagine my frustration when I tell you I feel insane that barely anything's changed for me in the two years I've been on Vocal.

If you don't believe me, here's the proof.

*Breathes in anxiety*

This is embarrassing for me to reveal, but I promised to look at my ugly scars. I barely passed the 1,000 reading mark last month. While some might want to congratulate me on this milestone, don't. It's not a victory. It's a tragedy.

This isn't my way of gaining sympathy. Keep it. I'd be insulted if someone were to pity me for failing to get reads. That's not why I showed you my stats. I'm doing this to break this mindset I've been stuck in, thinking I need to be perfect to be successful. Evidently, it's not the case, and I need to lower my expectations of myself.

If you know me, you know how hard this was for me to open up. I don't do personal. Showing you this is like prying off the iron armor around my chest, letting everyone see that I have weaknesses and insecurities, too. Call it pride, whatever. To me, it's a vulnerability I want to protect, but I'm giving everyone a glimpse of my shortcomings.

I put out 90 stories last year, putting me at 125 in total. Now I'm not going to do the math, but those numbers aren't impressive. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong. Could be I didn't find the right audience, or my style's not appealing, or didn't put out enough content. To redress that, I'm going to limit the time I spend writing up a story, shorten my word counts, and explore different genres. Maybe it'll change things? I won't know until I try.

Now, I'm aware that this might not be my only issue. The problem is also coming from within the house.

My interactions with other writers are subpar. Insufficient! I used to be more involved, once upon a time, but life happened and I fell off the radar for a few months. When I came back to Vocal, I turned into a recluse, interacting with only those I knew, or that made Top Story. I stayed within this barrier I constructed, sheltering myself, and I don't know why.

Okay, that's a lie. I do know why. But the iron armor is firmly back around my chest for this one, as it rolls into my personal life.

Anyway, my resolution this year outside Vocal is to slowly edge back over that boundary line I created. I'm adding this effort into the list of Vocal's resolutions as well. I'm going to branch out more, make new friends, and learn from other writers on this platform. After all, that was one of the reasons I joined Vocal to begin with.

And that's it for me, straight to the point, hitting the word count with a bare minimum, giving little effort, and not refining it- as promised. Look at me improving already!