Enraged

There's so much to get enraged about, that I can't bring myself to get mad about any of it.

I'm just sad and tired.

I couldn't find an avenue for my rage, so it's all just petered out and I'm an empty husk.

Maybe I'm just going through another depressive phase. It happens from time to time. The world just goes grey for a while.

But I want to be angry. I hate what's happening in the world and to the world. I fear for the people in it and our futures. I want to do something, but nothing feels like it will make any difference.

I'll just sit on my couch and doomscroll and shake my head at the state of the world and rot away some more. Plug in to some more mindless television or games or whatever why I can distract myself from thinking about anything that actually matters.

Music about the only thing that makes me feel anything these days. For a while I can put on something loud and let it shut out all the other noise and just get lost in the beat.

But even that has its limitations, because all I can do is passively consume it. I'm a very average musician and my creativity doesn't extend to songwriting.

I guess I'll just put on some headphones, queue up something I can scream to and go for a walk while the sun shines before the rainclouds roll in again.

I'll push back against this apathy and try to find my rage again.