Chasing the Top Story Dragon

I started off this week with those thoughts creeping in, telling me I’m not a good writer. I finished by winning two unofficial challenges and getting a Top Story, but will this latest fix be enough?

I wrote my first Top Story back in April. This was when I became acquainted with the Top Story high. For the next few days, I experienced a huge dopamine rush as new subscribers and comments came flowing in. Once the buzz had worn off, I started to feel the comedown.

I thought my writing career had peaked too soon, and I didn’t know where to go from there. Honestly, I still think that first Top Story was my best work, and despite having more since then, I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever write something that good again.

Then I received my second Top Story, this one was a complete surprise. It was a story I’d started working on weeks earlier, but abandoned because I wasn’t happy with it. I didn’t feel like it was good enough. I didn’t think anyone would care about my mundane morning visiting a café with my son. It was only because I’d been sick and then went away for the long weekend that I decided to drag it out, dust it off, and finish it.

Due to the time difference between Australia and America, my Top Story notifications usually come through overnight. I’d published this story the day before, forgotten about it, and gone to bed. Then I woke up, checked my emails, and discovered I’d just scored my second hit. I once again enjoyed the adrenaline rush as the comments and subscribers started pouring in. I was hooked.

It was at this point that I realised I might have a little problem.

With every new story I wrote, I would have that little hope in the back of my mind: maybe this would be my next Top Story creation. I was constantly scrambling for ideas, chasing that Top Story Dragon. It wasn’t about the money, I just loved the feeling of writing and having my work recognised by others.

I’d publish a new piece during the day, and go to bed that night with dreams of the Top Story rush I hoped to feel when I woke.

I’m usually up for a brief period around 3 or 4 a.m. to look after my son. I’d wake to the sound of his cries on the baby monitor, stumble out of bed bleary-eyed… and then I’d remember.

I’d check my emails in hope, only to feel the disappointment creep in when there was nothing.

In May, I wrote a little piece about dog poop. Had I really gotten so desperate to gain a Top Story that I resorted to dog poop tales? Maybe, but I’m still proud of this one. I published it on a Sunday… and then I waited. And waited.

The following Wednesday at 9:30 am, the email finally came through. I was drunk on Top Story power. It unleashed a whole new level of hope. I’d always assumed if you didn’t receive a Top Story within 24 hours, it was over. Now instead of moving on, I was constantly waiting and hoping for my next dose of euphoria.

Weeks later, all feelings of elation had passed. I was having withdrawals and I was feeling totally uninspired. I decided to try something different and write a book review on my son’s favourite book. I reread this one so many times before publishing. I kept feeling like something was missing and it wasn’t quite right. I almost didn’t publish it, but this book is special to me and my son, so I did it for us.

Once again, I was up at 4 a.m. feeding my boy before tucking him back in bed for a couple more hours. I checked my emails, and there it was, my fourth dose had arrived.

I climbed back into bed, feeling the warm satisfaction of my latest Top Story glory coursing through me. I thought I was about to have the best sleep ever… but then a little thought crept in:

I’ve had a Top Story in April, May and June. I’ve started a monthly trend, and now I have to keep going. Will one fix a month even be enough to sustain me, or will I build up a tolerance and start needing two or three?

I’d like to keep reminding myself of this amazing writing week I’ve had, but I know in a few weeks’ time, it won’t be enough. I’ll be looking for something newer. Something stronger.

I suppose I’d better start chasing down my Top Story Dragon for July!

I've learnt one valuable lesson through my writing journey: with every piece, there’s that aching doubt that it’s not good enough or that no one will read it. You’ve just got to push past this and keep going. You never know who might be out there wanting to read your work. Besides, what’s the worst that can happen? You publish it and no one reads it? Oh well, try again next time.