Bells toll

Before I even open my eyes, I hear the clang of the bell toll.

A warning signal.

Clang.

The words aren't coming easily this week. Everything seems dim and distant.

Depression looms just behind me. If I turn my head I catch a peek of it in my peripheral vision.

Clang.

We can't slow down time. Every second we're heading closer to death. Sometimes the pointlessness of it all overwhelms me and it feels like it would be easier to just let it swallow you.

Fighting to find the light can just get so... exhausting.

Clang.

Relentless.

I take a deep breath and it's hard to get the air into my lungs because the weight on my chest resists. It doesn't want me to breathe. It doesn't want me be filled with air and lightness. It holds me down so I don't float away.

Clang.

Write the words. Delete the words.

Filled with self-loathing and disgust. Who would want to read this self-indulgent bullshit?

Put the words on the page because otherwise they will rot inside you.

Maybe that's why I have bad breath.

Clang.

Let it out here so that I can go home, go to work, go out into the world, with a smile and a nod and a 'things are just peachy, thanks'.

Build the wall.

Clang.

Another day done. Another day closer to the end.

The bell marks the ever-approaching end of the road.

There's more behind than there are in front now.

Clang.

If there's anything you want to get done, you'd best do it now.

If I could just make the damned bell stop.

It's so loud today. It reverberates in my skull

I long for silence.

Clang.