Au revoir JBaz

This was not easy to write and just like my reason for this letter, I delayed releasing it on Vocal.

Christmas is past and New years is around the corner. Deciding to go for an early morning stroll I suddenly felt smothered within the silence, wrapped in a fog of personal awaking, disguised as despair. The cool morning clung to me with desperation, as a misty rain continued to fall.

Questions dominated my thoughts, an overwhelming realization that time is passing far faster than I acknowledge. Yet, time doesn’t move any faster or slower based on a whim, no it is my time that is moving quicker than I had hoped.

Now what, how do I cope with the knowledge my chances of doing what I planned are diminishing faster than a politicians promise?

Others have done great things, others have written and published that novel that has been swirling in their head, yet I procrastinate. Drafts drawn, reworked, and set aside, never good enough to say 'complete'.

Excuses come easier than finishing the book. Why?

It dawned on me, fear. Fear of completing my work and fear that no one will enjoy it or even knows it is there, basically fear of failure is stopping me. Before Vocal I wrote stories and journals to help me cope with the stress of everyday life. I would write, read, then discard in the trash. Those written works are lost forever. It was my form of healing, coping with reality.

Now I ask, what’s next?

I once wrote a story ‘An invitation’ with a line. “She used to say there are more stories in her head than she could ever write in a lifetime.” That is based on me, my head never stops writing, every where I look a story blooms to life.

This is why Vocal appeals to me, short stories, write, edit, submit, done. A platform of willing readers ready to support. Also an unlimited list of Challenges to compete with other authors.

Easy Right?

Far from it, many creators read, others do not, the platform is large and growing. A winning entry into a challenge used to garner reads and comments. Now winners hardly get noticed. WHY?

I tried to read every winning submission, learning from them, try to break down what they did that I failed to do. Yes, luck does play a part.

Perhaps, with such a variety of artists, our personal works get lost in shear volume of material available, and good material. One day you look up from reading another of Vocal creators work and you notice your own empty page staring at you. Just one more story you tell yourself then I’ll get to mine, one turns to two, three, four…. You get the idea.

If anyone knows me, as best you can, I enjoy and will always support this platform. Vocal has become mine and probably your haven, a home away from home. Writing friends pen themselves into our lives and we welcome them with open arms.

However, I am not a quick writer, ideas and first drafts come easily enough, but the finished product eludes me more often than naught. I do not consider myself a perfectionist, but I know when a piece is ready and too often I have submitted work just to get it out there and then chastise myself. I once submitted a personal account called '27 stories and counting' about unfinished works that lay dormant in my unpublished section. I completed many, yet the number has not dwindled, it has grown. Again, not quite ready to publish (In my mind).

Why should I rush a piece? For likes, reads, acknowledgement? Hoping that I will not fade into obscurity if I don’t submit something this week. I truly am impressed with those who can submit everyday and some more than twice a day. That is not me, and at times it makes me feel like I am once again falling behind. The true question is why haven't I published them?

Taking time off helped put things in perspective. I wrote a piece for a challenge yet chose not to submit, just to see what would happen. Guess what? The deadline came and went; the moon still shone and the sun still rose in the morning. I survived.

Social media has benefits and downfalls; I believe more downs then ups (long term). To many become dependant on social media, which is no different than any other addiction. Yet, I am aware of it's necessity to sell yourself and your product. So, I ask what is the perfect balance between addiction and necessity? Answer: Awareness and self control. Please note this is my answer I’m not saying it is everyone’s.

Therefore, I am stepping aside for a moment, focusing on me and my personal work and life. Wishing to put my focus on completing my novels, and book of short stories. I shall continue to read, comment and support, as I feel Vocal has become an extended member of my inner circle, my friend and in some ways, family.

I am close to ten thousand reads, and this makes me want to keep writing to hit that mark. Yet, it would be one more thing that gives me an excuse to put off what should have been completed a year ago. If you would like to help and (re)read a few of my stories to get me there I will not object. 😉

*From my first submission - Cost of Freedom: Which gave me hope and let me know I have the potential if I work hard.

*To my last submission - Behind the Web: Which let me know I have the ability to succeed, by continuing to learn and keep writing.

I have two finished stories, I hope to submit before going into self exile.

So many of you have entered my life and made me a better writer just by being you. To the first people I met to the very last one and too so many that no longer are here on vocal.

In no particular order:

Judey, Dharrsheena, Lamar, Mark, John, Heather, Cathy, Donna, Rick, Paul, Ruth, Mike, Tim, Gina, Dana, Caitlin, Cindy, Lana, Antoni, Kendall, Babs, D.K., Mathew, Liam, Stephen K., Stephen R., L.C., Gabriel, Racheal, Celia and River, Mother C., Marie, Raymond, Komal, C.H., Mariann, K.B., Joe, Novel, Stephanie, Andrew, C. Rommial, Gerald, Jay, Kristen, Sean, Alex, Sk, Andrea, Hannah, Imola, S.A., Scott, Jay, Marylin, Morgana, Tiffany, Ally, Julie, Colleen, Kelli, Natashia, Melissa, Angela, Caroline, Randy, PJ, Naomi, Katarzyna, J.R., Les, Oneg, Shane, Dean, Loyrne. Pamela, Sian, and the entire Vocal team:

And Still, to this date the late great Tom Bradbury.

A special thanks to all of you.

AND SO MANY MORE.

I will return to Vocal. My account will remain open. I am still a Vocal Plus member.

I will not say goodbye. That sounds so final. Therefore, I shall say Au revoir, until we meet again.

Thank you to all and to all a good write.

Jason Basaraba