Abuse

I keep my guard up. I have to, unless I want to be destroyed. The false narratives are bad enough by themselves, but the intentional emotional and psychological abuse is too much for me, arrows trained on chinks in my armor.

First, she gets good and drunk, then she downward spirals into everything bad that’s ever happened to her and blames me for all of it. She starts with a devastating truth, then builds out with half-truths and complete fabrications designed to make me second-guess my memory and my character.

If I dispute a lie, I’m the liar, as well as a manipulator. If I mention myself at all, I’m labeled a narcissist. I’m told that I’m a joke as a person, a worse one as a mother.

Meanwhile, her stepmother, who’s never made any effort to have a relationship with her (don’t even get me started about that spoiled child) has become a saint, the only decent parent she’s ever had.

Traps are set for me. I woke up this morning to a message sent at 4:20 am—designed to look benign—first line, showing in the app without opening was, “hey, things have been . . .” I know better to open it and hand my phone to my husband, who reads it and confirms that it’s a trap full of abusive statements. I’m not reading it.

If I seem to overreact to false accusations about my work, it’s because attacks on my credibility trigger me and give me a taste for blood. Perhaps it seems unfair to those taking sideways hits on me, but if you come for me, you better have receipts in your hand. I was raised to take no prisoners.

The person who taught me that was the first alcoholic to terrorize me—my father. I grew up in fear. I was frequently humiliated in restaurants, and at family gatherings, I was often picked on until I cried, then threatened with thr classic “Quit that crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about.” There were also the drunken verbal attacks on my mother after my sister and I were in bed. I remember every word.

As a child, I had no choice about what I would and would not tolerate. That’s no longer the case, and I will not tolerate one more instance of drunken abuse or attacks on my character from people who don’t know me. I’ve been building this fortress for over half a century. It will not be breached.