Today I Saw The Pearly Gates Of Heaven

Like everybody else I sometimes wonder about my own imminent demise. Will it be from old age, if I'm lucky? Or maybe it will be from some horrid disease, I sincerely hope not. Perhaps it will be an accident of some sort. This afternoon it came frighteningly close to the latter.

Out for my habitual 3km walk I narrowly escaped almost certain death, I kid you not. About half a kilometre from home I stopped to take a brief rest sat on a bus stop bench. Looking in the direction of oncoming traffic from the other side of the road a small Japanese Kei car suddenly braked and swerved left a little into the entrance of a residential parking lot, kicking up a lot of dust as it did so. The Kei car behind almost smashed into the back of the car braking. He then pulled out to get past the stopped offender and slowly passed her, checking to see if she was ok as he went. He actually stopped right opposite me on my bench to look back at the offending car. She seemed to be ok.

She turned the steering wheel to the right to re-enter the line of traffic and before she could straighten it up her car flew across the road at high speed in a diagonal line, straight at me on my bench! I just froze, paralysed at the sight of this car hurtling towards me at a frightening velocity. At the last second her car hit the kerb on my side of the road which deflected her to the right a little onto the pavement, no more than a two or three feet from me. I swear I could feel the air move as it flew past me.

With the engine revving its arse off she flew over some stout, low cut trees to my left and smashed right into the steel shutter of an empty shop just a few feet feet behind me at about 40 plus kph. The car bounced back a few feet from the steel shutter and stopped, but still had the engine revving its arse off. For a few seconds I sat in shock. I had dodged a bullet that’s for sure. It all happened so fast, three seconds max. I felt like time had stopped still, it was like a speeding car coming at me in slow motion. Then it all stopped with a hell of a crash.

After a few seconds I jumped up and ran the few feet behind me to see if the two female occupants, mother and daughter, were ok. STOP! I screamed at her, to try to get her to take her foot off the gas pedal. Both of them just turned to look at me in shock and confused, like they were thinking What the fack just happened? I think she got confused with the brake and the gas pedals, hence the initial emergency stop and then taking off like a scalded cat.

I stepped back a little and saw that the car was a total and utter wreck, but thankfully nobody got hurt. In the end I ran round to the drivers side to get the door open and to try to get her foot off the loud pedal. As the door opened, looking down, I noticed that the car was twisted all the way to the rear doors. I guess the steel shutter and the crumple zone of the car had absorbed the kinetic energy. In the end I got her foot off the pedal, but the engine was still running. I got both of them out of the car and searched for the ignition key in vain. Eventually I found a red stop button and that did the trick. Then some Japanese folk arrived and I went for my planned coffee at McDonalds.

As I proffered my money for my coffee at the McDonalds counter I suddenly realised that my hands were shaking like leaves, realising what a close call that was. Coffee? I think I should have gone somewhere for a stiff drink of whiskey, making sure to call in at the laundry centre to get my soiled underpants cleaned.

Two hours later I am philosophical about it. If it was meant to be my time it would have happened. Old age and dying peacefully in my sleep beckons from a very long distance.