The Magical Stick

by Sarah Montgomery 6 months ago in feature

A satirical piece written by a frustrated human being

The Magical Stick

Hurry! Hurry! Step right up! Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please? I am here today to introduce you to a modern wonder! This is truly a miraculous invention that will sweep the nation! I am here to tell you all about this wondrous creation that will make your life easier, even easier than when sliced bread was invented! Hurry! Hurry! Gather round now, yes that’s it, plenty of seats down in front.

Now that everyone is settled in, I will let you all in on a little secret. There is an invention on this planet that will knock your socks off. This piece of technology will even save your life. Not just your life though, the life of everyone around you even. It is sleek and simple in design. It is so easy to use that even a child can operate it. So easy, you can even operate it with just a pinky.

Now I know you all are probably wondering what this magical device is. Some of you are probably thinking that what I am saying is too good to be true. I am here to tell you people that everyone will be able to have access to this ingenious tool and will even use it, dare I say, daily in your everyday routines. Man has come a long way and has even gone to other celestial bodies! Mankind is on its way to bigger and better things. I can tell you all right now that I am so sure you will love this astounding piece of technology; I will let you all in on a little-known fact. This gizmo has been around since the 1920s! Yes, that’s right! The 1920s!

Now, I’ll drop another little wonderful gem of knowledge on you folks. Most of you already own this device! Yes! Yes! You heard me right! 95 percent of all families in America own a very certain piece of property that allows you access to this wonder of the century; this swell little doohickey; this beauty of human ingenuity. In fact, it even comes with it! Included! At no additional cost. Now isn’t that just a little hard pill to swallow? Now, I know I’ve been up here blabbering, and the time has come I will show you what I have been caterwauling about. I will now demonstrate for all of you eager beavers this far-out piece of equipment.

The barker gets up and proceeds to an object underneath a rather large tarp, he grins at the audience and in a swift motion yanks off the tarp revealing an automobile sitting underneath. The crowd is silent at first, then hushed whispers creep through the crowd. Some people attempt to get up and leave.

Hold your horses everyone! I know what this may look like. I am not showing you the car, but rather, what is inside this car.

The barker opens the car door and sits inside the driver seat. He then turns partially in his seat to continue addressing the audience.

So, as you all can see here, we have a simple ordinary vehicle. Has all the same bits and bobs that most vehicles have. However! However, there is a simple tool that it seems most people have forgotten exists inside all vehicles. In fact, in some states it seems as if they have almost entirely gotten rid of it out of all the cars. See, if you sit in the driver seat facing out of the windshield, the location of this wonder is usually located on the left-hand side of the steering wheel.

A man stands up in the crowd, his fists balled up at his sides and his face red in anger. He shouts up at the barker, “Are you referring to a car’s blinker stick?”

Ah! You have heard of this ingenious tool. I had almost lost faith in all of humanity that anyone knew what it was. At least someone here understands. Sir, would you like to come up and help me demonstrate its proper uses and what-not?

Now, if this was a children’s story, we would throw in a little tidbit about someone throwing a rotten tomato or some other moldy fruit. However, I at no point have ever mentioned this to be a kid’s story. To say the Barker received anything less than an old-fashion ass whooping would be an abhorrent lie.

I hope this little satirical story has entertained the educated and enlightened crowd reading this. I also hope that maybe this may have been an educational segment for those of you who inspired this piece.

USE… YOUR… BLINKER… PLEASE… thank you all.

Sarah Montgomery
Sarah Montgomery
Read next: 'Stop! We're Going to Crash'
Sarah Montgomery

I am 24 years old, married, and I love to write. Poetry, non-fiction and fiction. I am a three times published poet and am hoping to spread my wings on here more.

See all posts by Sarah Montgomery