Ten Things You Can Buy at a Government Auction This Week

Every week, government surplus auctions take place all over the country. Just like cryptocurrency, all you need to participate is a computer, some money, and a dream. From breathtakingly awesome to breathtakingly dull, here are ten things you can buy this week.

1. An Oshkosh Striker Fire Truck

With both a water cannon and a foam cannon, you're poised to transform any pool party into a once-in-a-lifetime event. After you've made an impression at the local pool, take the truck off road with a 15.8L turbodiesel engine and four wheel drive. Bidding starts at $5,000, but it's all worth it for that lunar-rover style cabin up front.

2. 23 Hammers

Buy a hammer for everyone significant in your life. Buy them all for yourself. The possibilities are endless. If you lose one, no problem. You've got twenty-two more. That's the power of twenty-three hammers.

3. A 6x6

This thing is awesome. It's got 46" tires for chewin' up dirt and a turbodiesel engine. It might be loud, but it's also invisible due to the military-spec camouflage. There's really nothing better than six big wheels on a big truck.

4. An 8x8

Alright, there's something better than six big wheels on a big truck. Eight massive wheels on a massive truck! You could start your own "Mad Max" fleet of horrifying vehicles with this as the flagship. The exhaust from this winch truck might be bad for the environment, but if the Earth ever gets stuck somewhere in orbit this thing can pull it out of the ditch.

5. A Tiny Electric Van

If you don't want a massive truck, how about a tiny electric van? The top speed is 25 mph and it seats up to seven, which means using freeways or modern roads would lead to unavoidable carnage. However, it's perfect for ferrying people around whimsical theme parks and chocolate factories.

6. A Garbage Truck

Now you can really take out the trash. Privately. You might want to start with the truck itself because apparently they weren't able to get it running. If you're feeling ambitious, this could be the ultimate camper conversion. All it would take is few windows in the side of the collection tank and you've got bragging rights and a sweet pad.

7. A Side-Loading Forklift

This little forklift has some pretty sweet styling, from the sloping windshield pod to wrapped metal fenders and orange-on-white color scheme. It looks like a bumper car for those that are serious about it, complete with car-flipping fork. Bring this to the demolition derby and you'll give them something to talk about.

8. One of Those Massive Dump Trucks

The classic Cat dump truck. Every kid wants to drive one, every adult pretends they don't want to... but they do. Imagine driving home and parking triumphantly in the front yard. You'd be the envy of kids and adults everywhere. This one starts at just $6000. Start your loan application now.

9. Some Stairs

The Clyde 15F3195 Access Stand is the most technologically advanced piece of access-aiding technology to ever be developed by Clyde technologies. It must always be referred to by its full name, the Clyde 15F3195 Access Stand.

10. The Ugliest Golf Cart in Existence

Look upon its hideous bulk and be surprised and repulsed! The doors look like misshapen ears, the front grill droops like a melting chin, and the wheels look like the GEM E4 Utility Vehicle stole them off some other car. If you buy this, don't be surprised when it comes to life and murders you in the night.

That's all for this week, happy bidding and good luck!