Moonlighting as Mr. Good-Wrench

A month ago, I took a chance on a potentially pricey investment. To be specific, a 1996 Mercedes SL-500 (R129). It’s worth about $9500 ($89,500 MSRP), so I figured whatever it cost to get it going would be worth the profit. Non-surprisingly, the vehicle was sold to me bone dry out of gasoline, and with a bad battery. Surprise, surprise. After getting a jump start (As these vehicles are instructed for one not to do), and $10 (2 gallons) of gas I put it on the wide-open road. The first thing a noted was a deep rumbling that appeared to come from the rear suspension that went silent after achieving 40mph. So not the biggest deal in the world, but significant. The carpets were showroom clean and pristine leather seats have no scratches, tears, or scuffs. Notably the rearview mirror is missing. There seems to be a struggle achieving 55mph, but I insist we must reach 70mph to keep up with traffic. Like a Christmas Tree all the service lights are shining. I try to restart the vehicle, but the speed odometer keeps tilting backwards. An impossibility with a bad battery. Thus, AAA tow service is summoned by yours truly to bring it back to the house. It sits for a month; I purchase another battery and take it through town. The performance doesn’t feel confident at all, rather if I push it too hard it’ll stall. I attempt again a couple of weeks later and it stalls at 40mph and continues to do so. Running out of patience to keep this extremity of my business running, I call a mobile mechanic. Dirty-South standard, no one answers the phone except for one dubious fellow driving a 2013 Hyandai with muffler and engine modifications who tinkers around the hood and squeezes the radiator pump causing the engine to accelerate. “Ah-“ he says. “You’re MAP Sensor is bad, and you’re not gonna like the sound of this boss.” “How much is it?” I demand. “$225, at O’Riely’s”. I pull the part up on my phone, it’s $125. Several rude text messages later he loses my business forever and I retrieve the part and install it myself. The car runs even worse. So, I swap it back out with the old part it came with and the engine evens out. I run the service code again on the vehicle P0101 which equals the MAF sensor. So much for that. The part is old and rusted and takes me 6 hours to remove. Knowing I should pay $79 for a new one, I grew tired of casting dollar bills in this direction. I happen to find in my friends’ house MAF SENSOR CLEANER. I spray the contents on the sensor and pop it back in. I take the car down the road, and it shows no signs of stalling, and is 30% more confident. Notedly there was a high-pitched whine coming from under the hood that has since ceased. I further note that the RPM Odometer is twitching. The MAF Sensor is the woe amongst other small things that’ll occur with a 26-year-old vehicle. I’ll take a $1,500 hit and remove this Asset from the inventory. I was at a salvage yard earlier hunting for a refurbished battery when I came across a 1996 Mercedes-Benz SL 320, listed for $2995. The car was visibly totaled and had “bad wiring harness” in addition added to its description. So $8500 is fair and square, at least this one drives and has never been in an accident. To all that are interested.