British Sports Car

For as long as the English have been designing and making cars (some would say poorly, but with excellent style, poise and panache), Lucas has been providing the electrical wiring and switch gear.

For as long as Lucas have been making the electrics, British cars have suffered. Not saying the two are related, could just be a coincidence.  Although, issues with Britis cars, we’re not always electrical, the fuel systems on English cars were often a hit or miss affair. Well, Lucas did make electric fuel pumps. Lucas Electrics were around for a long time from 1860 up till 1996, and for most of the company's history their ingenuity, their excellence in design was first rate, but quality and reliability has always been hit and miss.

So for any one who still suffers from the memory of having ever owned, driven, or pushed a British sports car, here are some of of my favorite sayings about old Lucas Electrics.

It was even mooted, that at one stage, you could buy a magic smoke installation kit for the Lucas wiring of your car.

Lucas never had a patent on darkness, just sudden unexpected darkness.

Lucas tried to get a patent on the Short Circuit.

When a customer complained to Joseph Lucas about the poor quality of his lights for vehicles, Joseph Lucas replied, a gentleman should never drive after dark.

During the 1970 and 80's Lucas like every country at the time branched out into domestic appliances and sold vacuum cleaners in England, it was the only product they ever made that didn't suck.

There is absolutely no truth that the company's motto was Lucas, get home before dark.

Lucas were the inventors of the first intermittent wiper, although they thought it was normal.

Lucas were also ahead of their time, by inventing the self-dimming headlights.

Lucas invented the first three position switch for headlights - Dim, Flicker and Off, also known as Smoke, Smolder and Ignite.

Lucas is actually an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices

If Lucas ever branched out into firearms, then wars would not start.

There is no truth to the rumour that the English drink warm beer, because Lucas makes their refrigerators.

Nor, is there any truth to the rumour that Lucas, tried to get British Parliament to repeal Ohms Law, but gave up after too much resistance.

All of these things aside, you can tell you own a British Sports Car, if after you replace the electrical system and the fuel pumps, you still need to go driving with at least one friend to help you push it while you steer.

Finally, it must be understood, that mobile phones were not invented to help British Sports Car Owners call the Auto Club, when their cars broke down.

Still, the electrics are not the only problem with British Sports Cars, there is the matter of the Oil Seals, and other types of seals. This shoul never be seen as a problem, but a tribute to that other great English invention the Total Loss Oil System. First seen on early aircraft during World War One, the Total Loss Oil system was a way to oil not only the insides of the engines, but the outsides as well. Now, to be honest the early engine oils in these aircraft was from the Castor plant, using the Castor Oil. While a useful oil, it had a tendency to cause explosive diarrhoea in the pilots (thats why they wore the brown sheepskin trousers).

Now, or course an oil leak in the driveway is seen as a sign of an unkept car, in reality it should be a giveaway that the owner has discovered the love that dare not be spoken, that of British Cars. Yes, British Cars, out an proud, they do not leak oil, they are merely marking their territory. Not, for them to be stuck away in a garage, they want the world to know they exist.

British Sports Cars, such poise, such grace, designed to look good standing still, or on the back of a tow truck. Quite honestly, next to the Italians and French in the 50’s, were there any better designers of cars back then. Let’s sing the praises of the car designers of the 50’s and thank whoever it was who sent then new boxes of French Curves.