Turning 50 in Florida

Is it coincidental that I started going through menopause two years ago and since I began menopause I've also been witnessing the world change dramatically? Maybe. New Jersey, two years ago was a new world to me, but I was mostly the same. I just wanted to go "home" and I thought Keansburg was my home. I wanted my apartment at Church street back. I wanted a do-over. I didn't get it. I just got a long "staycation" from February to September at a hostelish motel. It was okay. But had I known that's what it was, I'd have done things differently. They say hindsight is 2020, but looking back at 2020, my decisions and actions were all made and based on the thought that Keansburg was my "home". It wasn't and I was just a fool.

Today, as a pauper/beggar/retiree in Florida, I'm surrendered again. Coming back here was probably a mistake, but I've had a few heartfelt moments and I will cherish that part. In Florida, since 2018 and attaining my first felony, that's all I am here. A felon who's in jail even when I'm not. All of Pinellas County looks like a big jail facility to me. It's horrible really. The only difference between being behind the bars and being able to freely walk on the sidewalk is the cuisine. Yes, I'd rather have a BK cheeseburger than shit on a shingle.

I've witnessed a lot of changes to the Tampa Bay area. It's not just a new pier in St. Pete. Or some new buildings in Tampa. Or the disappearance of homeless shelters or the absence of the busses at Williams Park. It's not just that Sears and Kmart are gone. It's not just that my address has changed. Champa Bay may have the honor of claiming their victories in Football and Hockey, but to me it doesn't have the flavor, the style, the grace, or the charm that it had back when I enjoyed the Bay area in the 90s. Ybor sucks now. Commercialism destroyed it. Busch Gardens is just a coaster land. The music and the shows lack soul. The only good bakery is at Publix. Commercialism killed the little guy. And the view of Tampa Bay as a pedestrian is very, very different from the view of Tampa Bay as a car driver. As a car driver, one sees the beauty of the beach bridges, adores the 30 minute ride across it to see how lovely it all looks. As a pedestrian, one sees the monsters in cars who want to kill you. As a pedestrian, one feels the desire to never go outdoors for fear of melting under the blistering sun and being eaten up alive by mosquitos. Yes, the view is very different for a Tampon depending on if they have a car or not.

Other changes? Here, there, anywhere? People don't want to commute anymore. They work a job, they get a paycheck, they pay their bills, they have a car. But they don't want to use the car. They want to work from home, avoid everybody (because most people suck) and keep their car in the garage until it's absolutely necessary. That's why the gas is so high. No one commutes anymore. The big office buildings that employed Geico, Progressive, and companies like InTouch or Sitel, are vanishing. You have a computer so why should we uphold a customer service office? I see less and less school busses going by. Do all the parents drive their kids to school now? Or do they just homeschool? What will become of all these empty unused buildings? I've seen many abandoned buildings and houses in my travels up and down the east coast. It was tragic to look at. Especially when the hotels and motels wanted over $100 per night from me just so I wouldn't have to sleep under the blistering sun on the sidewalk. I would look at all those empty abandoned buildings and houses and just think, "I'd make that my home if it wasn't trespassing."

Well, a decade before I was born Bob Dylan and his fans were singing "the times they are a changin".... Oh boy, did they change. And it's still changing.

The view looks so different from the eyes of a 20-something compared to the eyes of a 50-something. The view looks so different for a pedestrian compared to a driver.

Life sucks.