Turn the Page

[Song playing in the background.]

On a long and lonesome highway, east of Omaha

You can listen to the engine moanin' out his one note song

You can think about the woman or the girl you knew the night before

But your thoughts will soon be wanderin' the way they always do

When you're ridin' sixteen hours and there's nothin' there to do

And you don't feel much like ridin', you just wish the trip was through

[Chorus]

Here I am

On the road again

There I am

On the stage

Here I go

Playin' star again

There I go

Turn the page

Song of my youth.

Songs of youth, are dating me. Years have gone by and the music I have played in my life fits the moment I am in. At this moment, I am sitting in my car at the waterfront watching the people and listening to the waves crash onto the shore as I write. I reached over to my phone and scrolled through music options and smiled when I found me some Bob Seger.

I am not certain if I love his music but Bob Seger's music just seems to hit my feels in the right places. I wonder if I have been brainwashed by the Michigan radio stations who played his songs over and over again or if they really have a place in my soul. I shrugged and clicked on a music mix of his on YouTube to choose which song will feed my soul today.

As I reached over to turn on the heated seats to easy the pain in my lower back, the car's interior began to ring with the familiar tones emitting from the speakers and a audible sigh exits my being as I tune into the moment. Instantly, I felt myself sink into the memories behind the songs. Warmth flowed and eased the pain in my back and the music warmed my being.

Sixteen, I was sixteen when my mother bought our first car. She did not drive so I had to drive her everywhere. This really didn't last long, for she learned to drive in her 40's. However, that summer was my last partying hurrah. I spent many nights, driving around Northern Michigan listening to music with my friends in that car. Sixteen, all roads were open and my friends and I enjoyed them.

The phone rang and I heard the distraught voice ring through the line, "Have you seen Becky?" cried her mother's voice through the phone line.

Turn the Page

Young love, Becky loved fiercely and she loved Russ enough to leave with him. On the road again, they chose to turn the page and start a life with each other. Forbidden raw love took my Becky away. I shifted in my seat remembering the nights the three of us spent smoking and talking into the wee night's hours. I knew she loved him but I was blindsided when they ran away together. Young foolish love did bring Crystal into this world. However, the nights spent with my friends was filled with love and laughter.

Alone as a teen, I plummeted into darkness. I was faced to see what I had become. I was in the generation where bomb fires had laughter, drugs and drinking into the early hours of the morning was the normal activity. I knew many who partied and enjoyed environment. Music playing from a near by truck played across the field. It wasn't uncommon for a Bob Seger song would sing through the air. Night after night, one doesn't see the downward spiral until it is out of control. I faced the fact that I was a sixteen year old addict.

The dark and lonely highway I drove that summer night was to Traverse City. There was a rehab center there and sadly, I knew where it was because I drove my father there earlier that year. A dark and lonely highway, that night was filled with faces of those who I left behind that night. The miles passed and the distance between them and I was so freeing. Yet, I knew some very dark days would emerge with this decision.

With the craving for a drink, I unbuckled, opened the car door, and walked into the center alone at the age of 16. As I turned a new page in my life, I felt the loss of those I knew before. I knew they would not be able to go down the new road I was choosing that night. I would no longer be controlled by any substance. I was done. I didn't crave that life anymore. I wanted a new life.

[Song playing in the back ground]

Well you walk into a restaurant all strung out from the road

And you feel the eyes upon you as you're shakin' off the cold

You pretend it doesn't bother you but you just want to explode

Most times you can't hear 'em talk, other times you can

All the same old cliches, "Is it woman, is it man?"

And you always seem outnumbered so you don't dare make a stand.

Odd how this part sticks with me. When one is recovering, the withdraws can be very painful. I slept a lot to deal with the explosion in my brain. I could hear the doctors and nurses talk about me but I wasn't really there. Being strung out isn't a fun thing to recover from. I was grateful to be outnumbered by doctors and nurses. It actually made me feel safe. When the darkness came in, they were the light I needed. The brain fog is a real thing. The song lulled on and seemed to morph to what I need at the moment. I did dare to take a stand and protect myself. That lesson has stayed with me for the rest of my years.

I smiled and place the car into reverse and pulled out of my parking spot. As the bad B***ch that I am, I pulled out my sunglasses and placed them over my eyes. With a line of cars waiting for my place, I smiled and rolled down the window, turned up the radio and zoomed on down the road leaving the tourist behind. Bob and I have been trough a lot over the years and his music has been there when I make a move.

I have moved many times. Each time I turned a page, Bob Seger was there to meld with. It is odd to me, to see how a song can grow and change with you. At this point in life, I am turning another page by honoring my own goals. Resurrecting the old music again just shows that this moment of transition is just as important as the day I walked into the rehab center. Another move, another road to travel, who will stay and who will go rings through my mind. This time, this move or shift, will be the last hurrah to make.

[Song playing]

Here I am

On the road again

There I am

Up on the stage

Ah, here I go

Playin' star again

There I go

Turn the page

Here I am

On the road again

There I am

On the stage, yeah

Here I go

Playin' star again

There I go

There I go