To the NJ Ren Faire!

I went to see Jacques ze Whipper, of course.

Why else would one go to the New Jersey Ren Faire on Memorial Day weekend? Especially in weather that can only be described as “soppy?”

I do have a list of acts and performances that I’ve wanted to see live, and I have a range of four states that I can go to for easy day trips, so I like to “catch them all,” as the Pokemon players would say. Not just the headliners, of course, though they are the ones that get the billing and press.

Jacques has scaled back his touring a bit; New Jersey was his closest approach to us. Well, heck, I was planning on a weekend trip to Sterling, but I just can’t resist…

We took our time getting there. Saturday was almost a complete washout, and the friends I know that went on that day… regretted it. Sunday wasn’t much better, even with our Secret Weapon.

Secret Weapon? Why, yes indeed. Two layers of one hundred percent linen.

Hubster and I are in the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism, a Middle Ages re-enactment group), so wet weather holds little peril for someone used to wearing two layers of linen. Once, at an SCA event, I tripped and fell ass-over-teakettle down the side of a hill, a good 15-20 foot slide. They got me down said hill, and I spent the rest of a rainy-muddy day huddled in the great hall with a mug of syrup of lemons (good for what ails you). My bum knee was in pain, but I was completely comfy in my linen garb. Except for my underwear, being a cotton-spandex blend. That was terribly un-comfy.

I have also done some rather quirky experiments with other fabrics versus linen clothing, which I may talk about in another story, but you’re not here for radical experimentation. You’re here for Ren faires.

With all that said, it should surprise no one that I went merrily into the slop and wet and mud and likely ooblek to visit NJRF.

I was surprised at how dicey it was getting there. It’s about 1.5 hours in good weather, on major roads. We kept our speed limit low because of the wet conditions. We still passed accident after accident, including one where a hatchback tried to skateboard off the Jersey barriers. I’m sorry to report that it did not complete the 360, but it nailed the landing – on it’s passenger-side door. They were extracting the passenger as we ambled by.

The faire had opened by the time we got to the parking lot. I like to get there very early, like an hour early, so I can get a good parking space. I’m a gimp with a bad knee, but too stubborn to get a handicapped placard yet. Well, the very nice parking attendant got me into a space so close to the handicapped parking as makes no difference, and was so kind about it all. I appreciate you Mister Parking Lot Attendant, you did not deserve that weather that you were subjected to.

Cars in the parking lot were rather sparse, because weather, and Sunday. Word to the wise: if you want a crowded faire experience, go on Saturday. If you like your crowd a little less crowded, go on a Sunday, especially early. You’ll have some sections entirely to yourself. For me, that’s the way to go.

Most faires post lists of their entertainments and vendors, and this one is no exception – except, they seem to have forgotten half the list. I went expecting only one glass merchant, and I got four instead. I’m not complaining much, but someone higher up in the “organization” neglected to give the Infomistress a list of vendors, and their location. I understand lots of irons in the fire, but come on, people, that’s fundamental. So is getting a proper list of vendors on the web site, it’s not supposed to be this hard to find people and fling money at them.

With that said, I found Auntie Arwen right away. I was hooked on Auntie Arwen’s spices before I found Penzey’s, but there are custom blends that Arwen does that Penzey’s does not have in salt-free varieties. I now have a green curry, a yellow curry, and a few other lovely blends to experiment with. And I got to chat with the crew, which is almost impossible when the ravening hordes descend on their tent at Pennsic. (It’s one of the biggest SCA events, averaging 10,000 people per year. No, that’s not a typo.)

Now, did we do that thing, and go to the show before Jacques’ to get better seats? Yep. But I also was interested in Shakespeare Approves! I love the Bard (that includes the musical Something Rotten, shhh), so this was intriguing to me, that they would put this guy in as basically the warm-up to a TikTok star.

Folx, he did not disappoint! A Hamlet where nobody dies. A Julius Caesar with an emphasis on crowd-swaying (which is the main point of the original as well, a warning we should do well to take heed of), and a Scottish Play where EVERYBODY dies, but by fluffy kittens. You are loved… TO. DEATH. It was freaking awesome, it was hilarious, and dang I wish I could have seen what he did with Romeo and Juliet on Saturday. I’m not into many of the audience participation thingies, but dang again I found myself wishing he would call on me. He wouldn’t, though, because my crutch was right there in attendance. Accidentally choosing a theater major for one of the parts made for one of my favorite moments of the day.

Why did I mention Something Rotten, one of my fave musicals? Because his Shakespeare reminded me a lot of the Shakespeare in Something Rotten, if he used his charismatic force for good. Go see him, and listen when he’s doing the warm-up nursery rhyme songs as the opening act, and you’ll see what I mean.

I would have gone to all three shows, even if it weren’t for Jacques. He was that good, and is now very much on my list of performers to look for at upcoming Ren faires.

(Takes a break, looks at his website, scans schedule…) Hmm. He’ll be at Maryland Ren Faire. It is definitely a possibility, though I would like to check out Sterling Ren Faire first. Good to know.

Then, of course, it was time for the main event!

Was I a glutton, and went to all three shows? Yep. Were we in the third row for two, and in the fifth row for the first? Yep. Did I feel bad about this? Nope.

Most of the show is the same, which I don’t mind in the slightest. If you’ve got a schtick that works, why change it? He’s good at it. Not only can he work a crowd, he can keep the rowdies under control. (The three security guys that I could see also helped. I’m sure there were others I couldn’t see, and while I understand the need, I’m rather pissed at my fellow “humans” that such precautions are necessary.)

I thoroughly enjoyed his performance, except for one heinous, profound thing: when he called on me for my musical selection…

He. Didn’t. Know. The. Song. “Walk. The. Dinosaur!!!!!!”

(sobs uncontrollably in forgotten Gen X)

As an aside, if you haven’t seen the movie Super Mario Brothers from ‘83, I highly recommend it. This is one of those movies Hollywood producers would never, ever produce, except for the complete and utter shih-tzu show going on behind the scenes. Like Disney’s sleeper hit, The Emperor’s New Groove. I put it in the same category as Princess Bride, Dark Crystal, Ladyhawke, Dragonheart. It’s fun for kids of a certain age, and only vaguely resembles the video game. Very cool in its own right. And we got an earworm song out of it that’s eminently dance-able, so there’s that. Ignore the fact that my musically-inclined stepdaughter had never heard it either, so I forced her, her husband, and our granddaughter to hear it when we got together over Memorial Day, it’s a total coincidence, I’m sure…

Now, though I schedule my day around the performing acts, I don’t neglect my shopping duties. Though only one glassworker was on the online list, I found three (plus a stained glass worker). As a lampworker myself, I fall into one of those twisted talents that collects an “I Suck” gallery. So I bought cool things at each stand, and have three of those purchases rolling around on my keyboard as I type, waiting for me to take pics to put into this very story.

And, of course, I tip the performers. I really like the fact that the threads that tie together the old-time circuses, and the Ren faires, are still going strong. The carnies and side shows would sell trinkets as a side hustle, and it’s no different today. I know that life on the Ren faire circuit is hard, and I wish to support them as much as possible. Bare tips in this economy are a hard sell, but tips for a sticker? A pin? A postcard? Oh, the ephemera trying to encapsulate an experience! Yes, please, I’m all about that!

Shiny happy memories…

In the middle of all this, I saw a very familiar name on the scheduled performer list. Charlie Zahm!!! I first heard him, oh, 15-20 years ago, at Pennsylvania Ren Faire. I’m a lyric tenor girl – my hubster, Ed Sheeran, David Bowie, Barry Manilow. Charlie Zahm’s voice is a baritone, and deep, rich, and just amazingly wonderful. I’ve worn out my CD that I bought from him all those years ago. Now I have a bead on his website, and I will be buying out the digital list! If you’re curious, I encourage you to check him out: https://www.charliezahm.com/

Suffice it to say, I made a definite point of getting to his last concert of the day. Rowdy Rovers was hogging the stage a bit (they added a few people to their trio, it’s a thing that happens at faires, and it’s delightful, no shade there), so they ran over their set. Not a problem, except it shoved Charlie’s set into the jousting, and the jousting ground was right next to the fiddler’s green. Charlie, ever the consummate performer, handled it with aplomb, but I was a touch wah-sniffle because I wanted to hear that voice again after so much time. I know, good luck, because this is the time of afternoon when people get crispy-crunchy, and the toddlers running around and screaming happily weren’t really harming anyone. They were enjoying themselves, so I did my best to block them out and lose myself in the music.

We did get to talk to Charlie afterwards, and I expressed my thanks that I got to see him again. He said we made his day, awwww! He’ll be back in the fall for their Celtic festival, and though I’m already booked that weekend, I just noticed he’s booked at some local events. How cool! I didn’t realize how much I missed his singing voice, till I heard him again in person.

Of course, there were also the typical faire foods. No, I avoid the turkey leg. But ONE Scotch egg for $13?? No thanks, I can make my own. I have a diet to maintain, at least theoretically. I went for a fresh-made quesadilla, chicken and cheese, with sides of sour cream and salsa. I know, lotsa salt, but it was likely the best I could do. We did find the empanada tent later, so that’s most definitely a thought for next time.

Hubster’s very much a steak-on-a-stick person, but didn’t care much for the maple-smoked meat thing he settled on. It was totally made up for by the maple lemonade the same stand was selling. Not much maple flavor, but lots of lemon and lime to balance the maple sweetness. Next time, I’ll request it without the sugar and the maple, and happily slurp on lemon-lime flavah. Very refreshing!

Smoked ice cream?? Ice cream that’s infused with smoke flavor. Um. Sorry, that’s a negatory, I’m actually allergic to fake smoke flavor. Even it it’s real, I’d rather not take the chance on getting sick.

As it was, we tapped out a little early. We made our way towards the entrance, and I rested on a bench while Hubster facilitated. I happened to be aside of Matt Schwartz, one of their resident harpists. Lovely music. He got the last of my money in his tip jar as we left.

Getting home was much easier than getting there, since the rain had finally decided to stop. We still took it easy, because the last thing I wanted to do, is underestimate the refractory period of, as my friend puts it, water-soluble driving skillz.

I did miss Paolo Garbanzo, and also Ses Carny, two other acts that I’ve wanted to catch. They’re definitely on my list, but those acts were put far, far away, on the other side of the faire. As a gimp on a crutch in soppy conditions, yeah, I stuck to the main paths. Maybe next year, on a non-Memorial Day weekend, in better weather? Unless I catch them elsewhere.

All in all, a very good day…

Except for that whippersnapper Millennial that broke this Gen X’s heart.