Three Reasons Growing up Third Culture Helped Me Enjoy the Moment

"A global soul is a person who had grown up in many cultures all at once – and so lived in the cracks between them."– Pico Iyer

First, a Third Culture Kid (TCK) is a child raised in a culture other than their parents during their developmental years. To give you an example, I carry an American passport, but my first language was Spanish. There are also Third Culture Adults now because of global immigration.

Depending on how you view it, the cool thing about growing up TCK is that I built relationships with all the cultures I encountered. They became mine, and soon I knew I was a global citizen. This acculturation creates a different worldview for all TCKs, as our curiosity becomes woven into our DNA—the curious chameleons that we become.

For me, I learned to enjoy the moment I was in, and that's saying a lot because I'm a planner. Three reasons encouraged me to lean into the present.

1. Life can be fleeting. I didn't grow up with long-term friends. Instead, I grew up knowing that after five years, we were moving to another location. So, I made friends fast, and so did my friends because they were often Americans. I treasured the friends I had during those years. When it was time to release them to their or my next destination, I always said, "See you later," never "Goodbye." Goodbye seems so final.

2. Embrace the unknown. Liminal spaces are spaces of transition. Those liminal spaces are precious. You can allow them to hold you, enjoying each moment, or you can reject the precious gift that they can be. To live in liminality means you must be flexible. Ok, you don't have to be flexible, but you will live a better life if you are.

3. Don't hang on to things. This concept kills my family. They like to hang on. I finally told them if they wanted something to stay in the family, don't give it to me. I realized that my existence evolved mainly out of two boxes. Why not make the best of it? The minimalist attitude has helped me later in life because I still move, trying my best to keep things simple. I don't believe in acquiring expensive items. They only collect dust.

I didn't learn to deal with ambiguous loss, a term coined by Dr. Pauline Boss in the 1970s that acknowledges loss as a relational disorder from not knowing. I didn't know where we were going in five years, but I knew I was going somewhere else. My attachments to people became both/and, thus, the definition of ambiguity. What I didn't realize at the time, is that my heart and soul were grieving each time. Each time I would pack my boxes, I would think about a classmate I might not see again.

There is an appropriate poem from the book, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds by David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken, entitled "Mock Funeral" by Alex Graham James.

"There was no funeral

No flowers.

No ceremony.

No one had died.

No weeping or wailing.

Just in my heart.

I can't…

But I did anyway,

And nobody knew I couldn't.

I don't want to…

But nobody else said they didn't.

So, I put down my panic

And picked up my luggage

And got on the plane.

There was no funeral."

You can read that poem and be sad or, like me, you can read the poem and understand that I carried sadness with me, packing it into my two boxes and suitcases. It became a part of my identity, forming me into the woman I am today.

Many losses that TCKs encounter and endure are related to relationships, places, pets, and possessions. These losses have a double meaning, which causes a TCK to embrace disenfranchised grief. In other words, to grieve each time would become a privilege.

I see this all as positive. I learned to be flexible and curious at the same time. I learned to enjoy what was set before me like it was being served on a silver platter.

I am a traveler, still to this day. I cannot imagine not being able to board an airplane and go somewhere far, far away—to enjoy their food and learn about their culture. My curiosity carries me into conversations with natives that help me to embrace not just them but the essence of who they are and why they are. I am also a curious foodie. My stomach is not, but that's another story.

Growing up as a TCK forever changed me, molded me, and made me a lover of all cultures and life.