satire
Foreign travel is parody waiting to happen, even if you're the butt of the joke.
Right on Red State: Florida Wildlife
Everything in Florida WILL try to kill you. Alligators, mosquitoes, Floridians, they all have the capacity to kill you. Alligators, Nature's Blenders
Benjamin HeckerPublished 7 years ago in WanderRight on Red State: Florida Weather
Florida is hot. It's an undeniable fact, yet tourists feel the need to point it out. Floridians, and people who live in Florida, but don't want to be labelled as Floridians, are well aware that it is hot outside. Don't feel the need to remind them for the sake of small talk. They all know the statewide high temperatures are caused by Florida's proximity to the equator, and the low elevation making Florida very close to Hell.
Benjamin HeckerPublished 7 years ago in WanderRight on Red State: Florida Highways
As of the writing of this article, there are twelve major interstate highways in Florida. We can assure you that we will not be updating this article if any more are built, so don’t try to correct us. Of the twelve, nine interstate highways never leave the state of Florida, which makes one question the meaning of the word interstate. They are Interstates 4, 10, 75, 95, 110, 175, 275, 375, 195, 295, 395, 595. The last eight are just roads the connect the first four, which explains why they don't connect to other states. This leaves one highway, I-4. It technically shouldn't even be part of the Interstate System as it doesn't run through multiple states. This is the first strike against “Interstate” 4.
Benjamin HeckerPublished 7 years ago in WanderRight on Red State
DON'T NO SERIOUSLY, DON'T Alright you've made it this far. You must be really dead set on going to Florida. We're going to give you one last chance to back out…
Benjamin HeckerPublished 7 years ago in WanderWorst Airlines To Use
Traveling via plane sucks. It's become a staple statement among comedians who are just sick of having to deal with packing peanuts as a "gourmet meal" or people who have dealt with stewardesses who seem to have a legit problem with the self-loading cargo (you) asking for water.
Rowan MarleyPublished 7 years ago in WanderMost Overrated Travel Destinations
There are certain places on this planet that we are regularly told that we should want to go to. Or, perhaps we actually do want to check them out. They're supposed to be where "it all happened," or they're supposed to be incredibly glamorous. Cool as they are supposed to be, the reality is that these kinds of tourist-rich venues tend to be really overblown.
Rowan MarleyPublished 7 years ago in Wander