One Step Too Many

1.

May 2016

Wasn’t anything special of a day, neither of a life. It was literally like any other and yet I couldn’t complain. How could I? In the darkest of moments in my life, I had the support of loved ones by my side to aid me in just that… darkest of moments. It sure has baffled me to the core that my teen years have gone by more quickly than I was able to immerse myself in them and to remember the good times. Before I knew it, I was in survival mode. Living from paycheck to paycheck, pondering on what my life meaning was and how could I personally strive to have more success in it… whatever success meant at that time. Nevertheless, I come to know that I was in a tight spot just before my twenties and one thing was on my mind, sleep.

At this point in my life, coming to an agreement with my parents that I should move out. I spent my years in the craziest of places. Even though I knew it could be worse, it was at its height for my personal taste. I have been couched at many family's houses and found myself homeless in my vehicle, dead of winter. A vehicle packed with a few suitcases and all that I ever owned. To this present day, my habits of a suitcase are yet to die even though times have changed drastically.

At that point in my uncle's one-bedroom house, blankets neatly made into a bed that was tucked away in the corner. I felt the need to sleep. It was a long day of nothing and nothing I shall continue to do. Perhaps later after an evening nap, I’ll think about what other “nothing” I can do. It would be only a half-hour nap at the most. Couldn’t hurt, I’ll still be up later to indulge in the late evening if need be.

As I laid upon an unnecessary number of blankets that served no purpose, the floor was still hard as can be, I couldn’t help but stare at the ceiling. I was lost in thought, thinking about an offer that was asked five months prior. Move two provinces away from the one place I grew up in, a place where all my friends and family were… or move to the only family member I had in that other province to start a new life. To build from scratch and experience life on my own. I was having to decide soon because I did have an aunt going out that way and that was my only ride. The thoughts circled around my head, spinning the ceiling itself where it no longer was a ceiling. It was simply a screen playing the pros and the cons on what life could entail.

If I were to stay, then in nothing I’ll remain. The same old of everything as I know it to be at its best. Same friends and family, dead-end job, no money, and no place to call home. Perhaps this was an opportunity to find out what my potential was and to make a new life where everything would be from scratch. Sure, I would have a family member, but this is new as new gets. Wherever that took me and the opportunities that would follow I’m not a hundred percent sure, but it defiantly was an opportunity that I couldn’t back out from if I were to say yes.

Yawn.

Laying in the makeshift bed I do not want to spend many days in, I had come to a verdict. I will take this opportunity. It was either continue to be lost or dive fully into a lake I know nothing about. I’m already in a tight spot, how bad could this be if I were to take a leap of faith for an opportunity of a new life. At this point, I would leave it up to my fate to decide whether that would be a place I could call home. That moment my eyes became heavier with the screen in front of them becoming blurrier. I suddenly fell asleep to a dream… so I would like to think. A dream I’m yet to wake up from, a dream I would later call a mistake. Others may say foreshadowing… whatever it be… I know I just took one step too many in a direction I didn’t know would come true and change all that I knew about my life.

2.

“This couldn’t be a dream, could it? I mean… It must be. Clearly, I’m not in my bed where I should be, but I don’t feel like I am in a dream.”

Everything around came to my awareness and made more sense. I was standing amongst a cobblestone path that led straight ahead and over a hill in this plain grassy horizon. The sun above blared its rays brightly on a cloudless day, no shade around other than under the tree line on both sides of the pathway. The air smelled fresh as ever, untouched by society's modern civilization. It was pure to its very essence. I was also able to taste the copper in my saliva, hearing the light breeze in the air, and able to run my fingertips across my damp palms. It became known to me that I was well awake, and this felt more alive than being awake.

I was startled by a man dressed in formal attire who patiently waited by my side. Oblivious to his presence I gave a nervous expression but was not worried in any way. It was not like he was a friend neither a foe but simply there. One to make my acquaintance as we both walked the same path forward. His reason for being made me question, for he dressed all black in a black top hat and tie. Even his neatly trimmed mustache was black other than the white dress shirt and skin complexion.

Before I knew anything else, we both were walking side by side steadily in a calm manner. No rush and no sense of worry. All was felt in that moment other than the sound of his voice and all that he had to say. His lips moved and by the looks of the wince in his eyes and the focus that was set in his gaze, it sure had importance. Unfortunately, there was nothing heard, yet I continued to give my attention. We then came to the end of the cobblestone path that divided into two separate paths. The man in black pointed to the left and silently spoke. The one on the left was like the one we were recently on. The bright sun rays were felt on the bare skin along with the smell of fresh unexplored nature. Trees blossomed and were the same for the pasture of wavy bright green grass. The feeling in the air that the path held was one of complete happiness and content, but that was soon cut off by the man in black pointing to the right-hand side of the other path. The opposite feeling hit my very being and nausea overwhelmed my gut. It was a feeling of hate, loss, and sadness and there was nothing that I could do to escape it. As the opposite gets, it was a path of dirt. Surrounded by dead leafless trees. Mist lingered in the pitch-black atmosphere and was compelling in its own unique nature. Nothing lived and nothing blossomed in this space other than love that once lived.

As I stared at the path that vanished into the abyss, the man in black said the only statement throughout the walk and nothing else. As he was pointing while looking at the darkened path he spoke with hope and warning, “Don’t go down that path.”

Missing all the other things that he has said and only hearing this first and last statement, I became curious as to why it was so important. Of course, one would think that a dark and lonely path with a disgusting feeling would be enough to take that warning very seriously. I on the other hand disregarded and ran straight into the darkness without any hesitation. Once lost into the dark and misty dirt road, the feelings became more apparent with each footstep and more cautious. The only thing that came into view was an abandoned two-story wooden house. Once I made my way through the doorway I noticed right away that it was vacant. No furniture was other than the emptiness and lingering disgusting feeling. What followed right behind that was a sense of panic and urgency. As if something was on its way and out for blood for the only other thing that is alive in the house. From there on out, I quickly made my way through numerous rooms looking for a place to get up off the ground. That was the only option because there was no sense of hiding; whatever was out to get me would surely find me in an empty place. I suddenly stepped foot into a room and noticed a single pipe stemming from the ground and onto the wall to the ceiling. I had no other choice as the feeling of fear and unease became closer by the second. Once off the ground and hanging onto this pipe, the feeling hit its climax and what ran into the room was a cougar.

The cougar locked eyes onto mine and slid across the floorboard as it entered. With no hesitation it jumped for me with claws out, nearly grabbing onto my waist. With panic in my screams, I hugged the pipe on the ceiling, getting as close as I could but the resilient cougar tried again and again. With a final leap into the air, it finally achieved what it was set out for. Digging its claws deep into my waist and tightening its paws. The animal’s weight and power forced my grasp to loosen up as a result of slipping from the pipe above. One last scream was heard and before hitting the wooden floor I woke up from the dream and back into my bed.

3.

I woke up in cold sweats in my makeshift blanket bed, the body still tight from the cougar’s claws digging into my waist. My heart was still racing and so was the trembling in my hands. I stood upright thinking of what transpired and was amazed yet terrified, relieved that it was just that… a dream. A very vivid dream to say the least. Throughout the whole day, I continued to ponder on this dream as the blood-thirsty cougar running into the room replayed in the back of my mind. It soon faded away and nothing else was mentioned to me about it.

Fast forward three months later, August first, twenty-sixteen. I found myself following through with that verdict to leave home and move two provinces over. Away from everything that I have and closer to the coast to redefine what home means. Throughout the traveled roads in this journey, I find myself sitting at my desk, six years later telling you this story. Things have changed drastically but I think I finally know the meaning behind that dream. I have taken a step too many into the dark lonely path…and I'm still waiting to wake up.