One Hand Washes the Other

I moved down to Miami exactly two years ago, when I was at a particularly low point in my life. Little did I know I would be going even deeper into the trenches to finish up some intense energetic balancing in one of the southern most regions of the United States.

It was January 8th, 2019. I was sitting in the outbound terminal in Boston Logan Airport, and the outside thermometer boasted a frigid 8 degrees Fahrenheit. I had been sitting in the blue synthetic leather seat for the past two hours reflecting on my decisions, while the sun worked its way across the sky preparing for its inevitable descent. My flight would be boarding in the next few minutes. I was experiencing debilitating anxiety, where I could barely project a steady enough stream of air through my esophagus to vocalize audible words. The homemade weed oil I had eaten hours ago was hitting in full effect, encasing me in a glowing orb that was lovingly carrying me across the sharp mental ridge I was staggering across, without falling into the abysmal fear that encompassed me. A pleasant feminine voice emanated through the intercom, "Now boarding zone two for the 4:36pm flight to Miami International Airport." The blinding floodlights mounted in the ceiling above me demanded truth, and I silently questioned, "Am I really about to do this?"

They say "the Fool is either blissfully unaware of the danger before him, too naive to recognize the peril, or simply just doesn't care." - Chris Barry, Edelwyn 2021.

If I had to choose, I would say none of those options described my situation. I knew that I was completely naked out here and I sensed the danger that awaited me. It's not that I didn't care, I truly just had no other option. I had burned my only bridge, and even if it was still standing, there was no way in Hell I was going back the way I came. We all know what happened to Lot's wife, and I'm not one to be salty.

If I would have known what I was going to experience after stepping off that cliff, truthfully I don't know that I would have taken the leap. However, looking back, I'm grateful I did. I needed the lessons and experiences to integrate my emotions and release trauma.

I touched down in the Tropics and as I stepped off the plane in my Mossy Oak Crocs the warm night air welcomed me generously, embracing me in its potent humidity. Dressed in striped fun-fetti colored joggers and two jackets, the crispy braids I had gotten done for my birthday were now starting to frizz. The only baggage I had was a small bowling bag and my Fronto King Backpack, but emotionally and mentally, I was carrying the density of Pluto.

I walked out of the terminal, and approached the black SUV that came to collect me. My ex valiantly stepped out of the passenger side with open arms. He swung the rear door of the vehicle ajar, and wrapped his arms around me. I knew I was safe. I had catapulted myself off of the cliff, into the void and he caught me effortlessly. We departed from the airport and road back to his apartment listening to Benny the Butcher. I was silent exhausted and anxious, however I finally felt a sense of relief. Little did I know, this relief would be short lived.

Day by day, things were starting to stabilize for me emotionally, but financially, I was broke. As things began to unfold, I soon realized that he was not in the financial position to support me, not to mention he had been living in Miami for a few years and was in a P state of mind, so as you can imagine, this was a recipe for disaster. I had already transitioned out of working in the club scene and was focused on my legacy and building my businesses. We were both building our empires but we were on completely different wavelengths and the dissonance was becoming louder by the second. Though I had made a power move, it was to a lateral space on the board. Momentary relief was becoming an intensifying staunch reality at a quickening pace. I was in a new environment where I knew nobody and had nothing. I had no power. He had the apartment, resources, network, and apparently, a plan.

After seeing what was going on, I reached out to my friend who is a Cold P. Thankfully he gave me free game that helped me stay alive. I had a decent amount of game but I never had to use it to survive in life or death situations. I never HAD to use it to generate money or resources. He quickly made me aware of the harsh realities of being a woman on her own in the world. We would talk a lot about my sexual market value, the value of my presence, charging for my time and energy, how to discern people, how to leverage my femininity as a commodity, how the average man perceives me, keeping a watchful eye around men and making sure that I do not accept food or drink from people unless I saw it prepared with my own eyes.

He encouraged me to continue educating myself, and made me aware of some of the potential potholes and dangers I could run into. He taught me to exhaust all resources, and make sure I only align myself with people who's words and actions align. He taught me ways to work smarter not harder. He would always tell me "You are in control." Our conversations grounded me and helped me open my eyes and mind to realities and experiences that I had never considered.

We are all on the track, and Sexual Market Value is always at play whether we are aware of it or not. In Miami, a vast portion of the general economy is comprised of the sex economy. Coming from Massachusetts, I was used to living in a smaller state, that has efficient systems and infrastructure that circulates services, resources and money in a more consistent flow than in comparison to what I have experienced living in South Florida.

Like I said, I already had a good amount of game from living 31 years on Earth with a vagina and having a lot of friends who work in the sex industry, but when I touched down in Miami, I didn't realize just how common prostitution is here. I didn't understand how living in a red state during the Trump administration would affect me on a day to day level, especially as the sole proprietor of a small business under 2 years old. I hadn't experienced the wealth gap in a red state yet. I was equally as poor when I was living in Massachusetts, but the infrastructure supported me because I knew the systems. I had a network and I was able to generate resources with my small business. When I moved to Miami I was learning on the fly while trying my best not to compromise my morals or step on other people's toes. I had no network, no resources, no clout, na'an nothin, just myself and my vision.

Shera helped me exit my first living situation with her free teachings on Youtube. She helped me recognize my worth and accept that I would not be able to flourish in my current environment, because I was rapidly expanding in my femininity and outgrowing the space. The daily power struggle was draining my life force. I stepped out on Faith, and she helped me stay grounded and get through homelessness with her confidence, concepts and teachings. Shera's platform attracts and supports a community of women who are healing, improving and up-leveling themselves. It felt good to know that even though I was on my own, I wasn't alone and there was a way out.

Before exiting my first living situation, I sold a microwave on Facebook Marketplace to someone and he informed me that the restaurant he was working at was hiring. I applied that week and landed my first service job in Miami working a split shift as an AM Barista and Afternoon Bartender.

Additionally, one of my exes kindly connected me with one of his clients and was able to get me an interview for a second service job as an Evening Cocktail Waitress. These two jobs were very important because they enabled me to save up enough money to get into an apartment and out of homelessness months later. It was at my second job that I was introduced me to some of my first friends in Miami.

When I first entered into the reality of homelessness, I felt fear and anxiety, but on a deeper level I knew I was being covered, and covered I was. I never really understood the practical implications of the saying 'Your network is your net worth' until I was homeless. In Miami, pretty much everything is based on who you know. Who you know matters because our values are reflected in the company we keep. Once you find people you can trust and they plug you into their network, things begin to flow more smoothly.

Throughout the 4 months I was homeless outside of my first living situation in Miami, five different random people that I only knew from a few casual interactions allowed me to stay in their homes for multiple nights without exchanging pussy for boarding. Reading that back it may sound crass, but that is the reality living in Miami. That is the reality of being homeless with a vagina and no resources.

After staying on a few couches, an acquaintance I had met encouraged me to rent a storage unit and move into a hostel until I got on my feet. This advice was crucial because I needed a secure place to keep my 2 sewing machines and other items until I had my own place. This would also enable me to move more freely, and eliminate potential leverage that could be used against me. He dropped me off at the storage unit the next day and I moved my belongings into the climate controlled 5x7 square foot box. Now relieved of some of my material baggage, I walked down to the hostel where I had booked my room online.

I checked in, and quietly crept into the room. It was a small rectangle room with 2 bunk beds lined up against the wall on the left side, a small round wooden table paired with 2 plastic patio chairs positioned next to the bathroom, and 4 small lockers mounted to the wall behind the table. There was one top bunk open at the far end of the room. I crossed the room, put my bowling bag down, unpacked my bath kit, and got ready for bed in the bathroom. I placed my bowling bag on top of the lockers, and brought my backpack with me as I awkwardly climbed up the wobbly metal ladder leading me to my bed.

The next morning, I awoke suddenly when the Argentinian woman staying in the top bunk across from me burst open the bedroom door. She had returned from her morning walk, full of cuban coffee and vibrant energy. Startled, I peered over the grey metal railing. Slowly I sat up and she confidently introduced herself, "Soy Paola". She asked me my name and told that she was visiting from Argentina and would be leaving tomorrow. I shimmied down the metal ladder that connected the top and bottom bunk and planted my sock covered feet on the floor. I retrieved my hygiene kit from my bag and entered the bathroom to wash up. I looked in the mirror and thought, "I can't believe this is my reality." I had stayed in hostels before when I studied abroad, so this experience wasn't completely foreign to me, however it didn't have the same appeal this time around. I got myself together and stepped out of the bathroom.

That's when I met Judith, the lady occupying the bottom bunk right below me. She was a Venezuelan dancer, cuerpo bien hecho. As the days progressed, I began to get the hang of things around the hostel and Judith and I grew closer. She gave me a lot of free game. She showed me which men from which countries have money, how working long hours on my feet at two jobs was going to make me old and that I could save my time, energy and beauty by having a few regular tricks. Though I did not choose to go the prostitution or dancer route, it opened my mind up to the possibilities of receiving abundance through my femininity instead of solely generating it willfully through my masculine energy.

She taught me feminine ways to make a trick wait, how to discern tricks and decipher and maneuver the power games they play. She showed me how to implement and maintain cold boundaries under intense pressure. She showed me how to put myself first and to not allow anyone to have access to my energy unless it benefitted me. She also shared her views with me on the certain realities of dealing with men in long term relationships, and how men feel that we belong to them.

I also learned a lot by simply being in proximity to her and watching her go through different situations. One time I came home from work and she was in bed sobbing. It turns out that she had gotten set up and robbed by a trick during an outtie. She also taught me a lot about the nature of men in general. She showed me how to finesse the hostel so that I would get priority choice of room and so she and I could stay in the same room together. We lived together in a 4 bunk room for about 2 months or so. She was my Ace.

Everything I learned from her is invaluable to my existence on Earth at this time in history, as we live in a society where men possess a majority of the resources and we possess a majority of the vaginas. Learning certain intricacies of the Game from the transactional end of the spectrum made maneuvering every day relationships simpler for me. It taught me about emotional detachment, interdependence and objectivity in relationship. Being someone that was raised in a narcissistic family system, I never knew where I ended and the other began. At this point in my journey I was dedicated to and deeply immersed in healing my codependent and enmeshed style of relating to Life and others, and this was exactly the type of perspective I needed in order to progress along my journey to becoming whole and energetically balanced.

Coincidentally, she was in a car accident months before and was going through the entire legal and medical treatment process. I gave her a lot of game on how to manage her process, and showed her different techniques, stretches and movements from my postural programs. She was farther along in the Game, and I was farther along in my ability to heal myself and others. I also helped her improve her English and translated different documents for her. After the robbery, she would drop me her pin on outties just in case things went left.

She was like my trap mom, which I needed so badly at the time. She also encouraged me to stay away from dusties, street dudes and dangerous low value men. She would remind me that I had the potential to be an important person one day and that those types of men would ruin my life. She loved my fashion designs and encouraged me to continue forward, even though she thought I was super weird and would often tell me "Yo no entiendo tu vida", because she didn't relate to my lifestyle.

When I was sad at times, she would remind me that I made the right choice by moving to Miami and physically separating myself from my family. She would tell me, "Lolo, tú tienes que ser tú. No puedes ser necia y siempre estar debajo de tu mamá. Tienes que vivir tu vida para tí y nadie más. Tienes que darte cuenta de quien tú eres sin la influencia de tu familia." She also taught me how to be more thick skinned, how to let haters and critics roll off my back, and how to always shine especially when haters were judging me or criticizing me. She taught me to be more efficient and to not waste time with any man who was not providing for me. She would leave me little candies and chocolates on my pillow, so when I would return home from work, they would be there waiting for me. We were an energetic match, as I was going through it with my Earth mother and she was going through it with her Earth Daughter. We offered each other complimentary perspectives, insights and experiences that were beneficial to our individual healing processes. Our interactions and energetic exchanges gifted me new understanding and facilitated emotional integration.

One afternoon, while I was bartending at my day job, a blonde gentleman named Charlie sat down at my bar. I smiled and greeted him, and he huffed in frustration while adjusting his body on the barstool to face me. I asked him what I could get for him, and he replied "Something strong." As we began to talk, he revealed that he was completely vexed because the two girls he had brought up to his room the prior evening beat him for his $40,000 Rolex. He had come downstairs to the bar because the detectives were up in the room interrogating the girls, and they recommended he go cool off because it could be a while. I listened to him, and offered him comforting words and kindness and he tipped me generously.

The next day, a group of 7 men sat down at my bar. I was making them cocktails and engaging in playful conversation with them. After about 10 minutes, Charlie appeared and sat down next to them. I smiled and said, "Hey this is my guy!" The group was clowning him because of the watch situation, and it turns out they were all here for a bachelor party weekend. One of the men was an owner of Orange Theory and ended up giving me 30+ free sessions. This was my first experience with Orange Theory and it was imperative to my mental, emotional and physical health during homelessness. Training there served as an anchor for me and helped me remain grounded. I also learned a lot about training from the coaches, and these skills and information changed they way I train to this day.

After 6 months of homelessness, by the Grace of God I finally was able to move into an apartment. It could not have been at a better time, because I was losing stamina, constantly having to find a temporary place to stay and to top it off, I had a fashion show for 2320 coming up at the end of July, which was only 50 days away.

Fast forward to 2 weeks before the show. I had my the majority of my pieces ready to go for the most part. I had 2 Florida-based models (me and my friend from work) and 3 models coming down from Boston to walk in the show (the model manager I used to work with in Boston and two models he worked with). Unfortunately, my model manager and his 2 models were unable to make it last minute, and now I was down to 2 models. He connected me with a Florida based model name Christie that he had networked with on Instagram. I reached out to her to confirm that she would walk in the show and she confirmed. Now I had 3. The show date was approaching and I was still struggling to find models. Something told me to reach out to Christie and ask her if she knew anybody who would be interested. I DM'd her and she generously offered to post an Instagram story with the details to attract models. Within minutes, models were DM'ing me, and I instantly went from 3 models to 6. This is an example of God's fruitfulness vs. the productivity of man. If she would not have posted that story, I would have only had 3 models for my show. She saved the show.

After living in my new apartment for a few months, one of my neighbors hipped me to the laundry finessment, where if you wiggle the quarter tray, you can get free washes. After learning and benefitting from that, I always make the effort to inform new tenants who move in as well.

During the first year of the Covid Pandemic, I started an indoor sustainable food garden. Eventually, my plants needed more space and I decided to move my sustainable urban garden outside. There was a homeless man named Omar who would pass by and give me gardening tips and compliment my garden, mostly because it was made from recycled and repurposed materials and since he was a scavenger, it was right up his alley. As time went on, he would leave me gardening supplies like gloves, gardening pots, wood planks, containers and other items for my urban garden. Though I ended up giving most of it away, I appreciated the care and effort that he put into finding and leaving me items that he felt would compliment my garden. In return I gave him a few of my handmade pieces, art supplies, and more.

One of the biggest gifts I received from a stranger in 2020 was in July. One night I took myself out to eat and the food and beverage manager not only comped me dessert but he also connected me to an Ayahuasca ceremony which is referral only. This was a crucial point in my healing journey, and helped me heal ancestral trauma and karma, tie up loose ends and release density.

The other day, I found a dollar nestled under a bush when I was walking home from the gym. I was so excited that I started singing about it and pouring love into the dollar bill. As I turned the corner, there was a homeless man sitting there sulking. I put my last bit of love into the dollar, reached my hand out and said, "hello". He looked up at me slowly with a somber face. The minute he saw the dollar, his face lit up. He reached out and took the dollar and said "Thank you". I winked at him and continued on my way.

Since making the decision to move to Miami, I can confidently say that I worked my way through the mud and kept myself on track, but there were countless people who helped me along the way. These are just a few examples. I could go on for days talking about all the people who have helped and poured into me during this lifetime. The fabric of the Universe is made up of living beings. Each thread is a part of Spirit. Each fiber, every molecule is alive. We are stronger together than apart. Interdependence is the ability to honor the Self as a part of the Whole and gracefully dance with life by circulating life force through you. It is the ability to give and receive in balance, the ability to circulate abundance by walking in Purpose.

Lagniappe is defined as "something given or obtained gratuitously or by way of good measure". - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagniappe

I am constantly receiving lagniappes from the Universe, and while it could be in part, because I am a generous spirit; I feel that the overarching reason is because I am on Purpose. When we are in alignment with the Calling of our Spirit, the Universe supports us in all ways, often, unexpectedly. If you have ever walked through a Wilderness Season and made it out relatively unscathed, you probably can relate to the previous sentence. When two or more pray in God's name, it is said to be more powerful. One hand washes the other and together, they wash the face. These momentary energetic exchanges are what life is all about. Co-creation. <3