Nothing Epic

Outdoorsman: noun

a person devoted to outdoor sports and recreational activities, as hiking, hunting, fishing, or camping.

a person who spends much time in the outdoors.

Outdoorswoman: noun

a woman devoted to outdoor sports and activities.

a woman who spends much time in the outdoors.

Neither of these definitions state that in order to consider yourself an outdoorsman you have to be a hard core weekend warrior or constantly be in the range of type 2 fun. Yet, in my own head, that is my definition of an outdoorsman. I have a hard time categorizing myself as an outdoorswoman, a hiking, a kayaker, a fisherman, even a basic outdoor enthusiast. Yes, I greatly enjoy the outdoors, and yes, I do hike and camp and fish and kayak, but I don’t go on ‘epic’ adventures. I don’t do anything epic. I don’t own all this awesome gear. I don’t wake up in the wee hours to summit a mountain by dawn. I don’t look like an adventurer.

I daydream about kayak camping trips along the big rivers Washington has to offer; about cross country skiing with my dog; about summiting a 14er; about solo backpack trips. All things that I think would be epic. All things that my inner critic tells me I can not accomplish. I can visualize all of it happening but I get in my own way and tell myself I can not do it. I’m just not that kind of person.

I grew up fishing with my dad, going on family camping trips and excursions to the snow; going on road trips to visit national forests and parks. It seems like we were always outside doing one thing or another. As I got older, I started to lose that outdoor enthusiast personality. That’s not to say that I didn't go kayaking or hiking once in a while, or lose my love for the outdoors. It’s more that I started to curb that side of myself. People began to say that my t-shirt and jeans look was not feminine enough, that I wore too many baseball caps and not enough makeup. I was told I was too active. While working at an outdoor gear shop during college, I would peruse the fishing isles, just taking in all the different types of gear and looking to add to my fly fishing collection. The men working in that department didn’t believe I fished, would dismiss my fishing stories, and blow me off when I had questions about gear. They weren’t the only ones.

Spring break 2013, was my very first solo adventure. I rented a Subaru and mapped out a small loop through western Montana, taking five days to cover 430 miles. I car camped at KOA’s, went off roading, and learned to enjoy road tripping alone. By the time I graduated college, I had accumulated enough used gear to survive solo camping. My first trip was to Death Valley National Park for a super bloom. I was crammed into a tightly packed campground on a gravel lot and spent my days doing short day hikes and taking pictures along with hundreds of other people. Nothing epic, but it was enough to remind me that I enjoy doing this.

Solo camping and hiking set off a small spark inside me that would grow over the next few years. It reminded me of who I really was and the person I could potentially be. It gave me a sort of independence that I had never experienced before. And yet, even with that newfound independence, I was still giving weight to those who had something to say about the way I adventured. I had female coworkers and friends that were judging me and telling me how irresponsible and reckless I was being. Men were mansplaining gear to me more, acting like I had no idea what I was doing. Dating got more difficult. Hiking and camping alone was an ice breaker for conversation, and seemed to be impressive to some at first. But as soon as they realised I didn’t need their gear or assistance with anything, their attitude towards me would change.

I didn’t go into the outdoors much. I planned trips and would tag places on Google Maps that I wanted to visit, but I didn’t actually go do anything very often. I was still holding onto a lot of fear and a lot of negative self talk. I started watching outdoor adventure videos on YouTube from Patagonia, North Face, and Solomon. Those were all ‘epic’. These grand adventures with men and women who were in tip top shape, traveling the globe, bagging mountains - I started to take this as reality, as what an adventure should be, and what an outdoorsman should be. Some of it was inspiring but most of it was just intimidating. And for whatever reason, the part about them being professional athletes escaped me.

Meeting Luna changed a lot for me. Suddenly I had this active dog who needed and wanted to be outside all the time. I started doing more small, local hikes with her. We did a backpacking trip with my dad and seeing how much Luna enjoyed it, really made me want to expose her to more adventures. When we moved to Washington, I did just that. Luna and I have now day hiked and road tripped through central and western Washington, western Montana, and northern Oregon. We have gone on weekend camping trips, gone fishing and off roading, and have started paddle boarding. This is not to say that getting a dog was a ‘cure’. I still sit at home most weekends and day dream of adventure and I still hold onto a lot of insecurity around being an outdoorswoman. But my internal definition of that word has begun to change and the fear of judgement has begun to subside. Luna has taught me that it doesn’t matter if we head to the mountains every weekend or if we just do a 2 mile walk through the neighborhood park. As long as we are having fun and enjoy being outside, that is all that matters.

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This is the first blog post of Nothing Epic. Nothing Epic is meant to be an everyday adventure series that encourages you to get outside and to redefine what your own internalized definitions of outdoorsman and adventurer are. It doesn’t matter what activities you enjoy doing, how hardcore you are, how experienced you are, or how much gear you have, all that matters is that you enjoy being outside and have fun.

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Sources:

Outdoorsman. (2020). In Dictionary.com. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/outdoorsmanship.

Outdoorswoman. (2020). In Dictionary.com. Retrieved from https://www.dictionary.com/browse/outdoorswoman.