My unspoken little pleasures.

Just like for the next multimedia-obsessed person, scrolling through my camera roll’s almost seven thousand pictures and videos is, simply put, no easy feat to tackle on any given day; but doing it today, in the midst of all the confusion, anger, uncertainty and bizarre abnormality of what has now become our socially-distant and ever-changing everyday life, was somehow even harder than I expected.

For some reason, it felt like opening the lid and going through the long-forgotten and unfamiliar contents of a time capsule I had buried and then simply erased or blocked from my mind, for who-knows-how-long. And no, I did not cry nor felt depressed, anxious, angry or whatever else you might have imagined. I felt nostalgia, but I also felt a lot more I did not see coming.

Scrolling purposefully through that beautifully unique and eclectic place that is my camera roll, and occasionally stopping at random simply to appreciate and scrutinize in detail the multicolored mosaic of pictures and videos on it, brought up a litany of unforeseen thoughts, emotions, sentiments and the subsequent memories they unavoidably trigger instantly, but that nonetheless caught me by surprise for their wide-ranging variety and unwavering intensity.

Granted, the most recent pre-quarantine pictures on there that actually sparked a thought of inspiration and that I even considered writing about, are from a family New Year’s trip to Banff we took this past December when everyone came to visit us in Canada for the first time. So, it was somewhat -if not entirely- expected that those pictures would bring out the stupidest yet realest ear-to-ear smile as well as a whole avalanche of memories and feelings that went from happy to sad and back.

However, that’s not actually “normal life” but more of a “special occasion” to me, so I scrolled further. And as I continued to scroll down past the -understandably unavoidable- massive amount of pictures and videos of both of my nieces; past the overwhelming amount of pictures and videos of Molly; past the inexplicable -and honestly quite undecipherable- bulk of screenshots (who knows or who can even remember why I take half of them), I finally stumble upon a picture from a particular moment, that instantly floods my mind with the most vivid memories of complete and utter freedom, friendship, laughter, safety, and normalcy that inevitably, led to an unshakable feeling of homesickness.

There is nothing particularly special about it. It is a simple picture of 5 friends embracing closely together, surrounded by greenery and part of a grey brick wall on the right lower corner. It was taken moments before wrapping up a spur-of-the-moment overnight trip out to my best friend’s place on the Sierra de Álvarez, a beautiful mountain range (that’s also a Nature Preserve) just outside our hometown. A trip apparently like many others we’ve taken through the years; nothing really out of the ordinary, or so I thought.

I was back in my hometown for a work trip and since it was a really short visit, I’d previously decided I was spending whatever free time I could scrape together, with my family. So, I didn’t really let anyone else know I was coming, just my best friend but since we tell each other everything, that’s a given. I spent the next couple of days going back and forth between my house and the office, completely submerged in both work and spending time with my family.

By Friday afternoon I’d finally finished my work and had the weekend free, so my BFF suggested we go out there to take a break and enjoy nature for a bit before I had to hop on my flight back to Canada. Since it was also Independence-day weekend, a lot of people were having parties and some had even left the city to go celebrate elsewhere.

But realizing neither of us was really in the mood for a weekend-long party, we decided to keep it small and simple. So, we called a couple of friends and by Saturday morning we'd planned a bit of a “semi-girls’ trip” with a full 24hrs of carefree fun, relaxation and friendship ahead of us. We packed our overnight bags, blankets, snacks, drinks and barbecue supplies and off we went into nature, determined to enjoying and making the most out of whatever time we had together.

It was a “semi-girls’ trip” because it was still Mexico and sadly, safety is a-l-w-a-y-s a concern, and even more so for a group of females travelling without, what can only be described as a “male companion/escort”. So, fortunately we were lucky enough to have the lighthearted and patient company of my BFF’s boyfriend, who aside from basically just "watching over" us, was also the designated grill master for the evening.

And I must say, he most certainly kept our crazy group of loud talkers very well fed with a selection of delicious Carne Asada and Quesadillas, and appropriately hydrated with a perfectly chilled selection of beer and cocktails (thanks again, BTW), while we just sat around the table, laughing and talking the day away between games of our traditional and overly-competitive Waiki.

If I close my eyes and try hard enough to concentrate, I can even see the memories of how that day went, playing clearly in the back of my head like a hyper lapse filled with images of our little group sitting out on that white plastic, rectangular table sitting on the deck of the house, completely surrounded by the stillness and quietness of nature and reveling in complete enjoyment of the perfect atmosphere of friendship, trust and freedom.

Laughing hysterically like children until our bellies hurt, both with and at each other, with the beautiful and weightless familiarity of friendship; talking -way too loud- about everything and nothing at the same time; playing endless board and app games; toasting over and over -and for no apparent reason- with a variety of drinks, and happily stuffing our bellies full of our favorite snacks and delicious barbecue.

All while taking a break from the worries, stress and the -previously thought of as boring- mundanity of our past everyday life routine, and enjoying the simple yet fulfilling pleasures that nature and good company bring. Completely undistracted by the city noises, colors, demands and distractions; unburdened by scheduling and time restrictions, simply living and enjoying being there, together.

And to top it off, we even took the most perfect day-nap together, splayed across a blanket laid on the grass under a big tree so as to shield ourselves from direct sunlight, yet thoroughly enjoying the warm embrace of the midday sun; listening to music and then silently savoring the magnificent sounds of the nature around us, simply captivated by the perfect little bubble we were sitting in, completely and entirely alone, smack in the middle of nowhere.

I remember the morning after that perfect day -and night- we woke up each at our own time (no alarms, no one was in a hurry to get anywhere) and went, like tradition dictates, to the nearest roadside place for a delicious and traditionally Mexican breakfast comprised of handmade maiz gorditas prepared on the spot and filled with a variety of stews, served on a rainbow of plastic plates, accompanied by a mango-flavored glass bottle of Boing! and presumably freshly brewed Café de Olla served in a traditional clay mug; all while sitting on plastic chairs pulled up to a plastic table with its brightly patterned vinyl tablecloth, inside a make-shift “restaurant” with a dirt floor and by the side of the road. The simplest yet most deliciously perfect meal, if you ask me.

After breakfast we drove back to the house, packed our bags and went back to the city. And having dropped everyone off at their respective destinations, I went home and began packing for my trip back to Canada. It all went by so fast and so seamlessly, so boringly “normal” that I hadn’t really realized or even slightly thought about what it all really meant. That is, until now.

Now, I can finally see that underneath that seemingly simple memory of something I was so used to doing regularly that I never even gave a second thought about, lies a long list of things that I inadvertently, and perhaps even unintentionally, took for granted. Today, speaking about that particular moment, that list begins with the freedom of travel; I live in Canada, which means that sadly even if I wanted to -and believe me, I really do- I could not visit.

Today, what I thought was the rather simple (and privileged, I know) freedom of buying a plane ticket, hopping on a plane and flying off to my hometown to visit my family, friends and loved ones, has sadly become some sort of sicker version of Russian Roulette where you not only play with your life, but also with those of others. Today gathering with friends has become bluntly, but simply put, outright irresponsible. Something none of us could have ever imagined. Or at least I know, I certainly didn’t.

That’s what our everyday life used to be and what I used to -but will, from here on out, strive to never again- take for granted. All those little unspoken pleasures and privileges we used to enjoy throughout our everyday life that were so deeply ingrained into our routines that we simply overlooked them. And not just in regards to non-special, “mundane” outings like mine, but with any and all gatherings we used to freely attend and enjoy in the company of family, friends and loved ones; gatherings where simply hanging out in a single room together, didn’t make us feel weirdly uncomfortable or unsafe.

All those reunions where people could be freely and happily chatting while sitting way-too-closely together on a friend’s couch; cooking and enjoying a barbecue or a simple meal together sitting around a loved one’s table; sharing drinks and having meetups before concerts and sports games or simply hanging out in groups; celebrating birthday parties (no matter the age), graduations, anniversaries and special occasions in general; the weddings that have sadly had to be rescheduled but that are now so eagerly anticipated; each and every one of all those moments, outings and gatherings that by definition make up life.

And sitting here reminiscing, thinking about the informal simplicity and seemingly carefree bliss that was our past routine and "boring" everyday life, I’ve also come to realize that with all the changes we're facing in these unprecedented times, we've also been given an extraordinary opportunity to take the time to actually look back, think and build our very own “new normal”, our new everyday life.

I've realized I can -and certainly will at least try to- build a life that in spite of being sometimes demanding, stressful and tiring with all its intricacies and complexities, can also be completely enjoyable and sometimes even somewhat carefree and unburdened; a life both filled with hopeful optimism and unwavering determination and dreams; a life where I recognize, embrace, appreciate and truly uphold and focus on what is really important and let go of the superficial, fleeting and frivolous worries that seem to distract and consume us these days.

Yes, I used to have that "normal life" and of course there are -and probably always will be- things that I miss about it; but I know that there is also what I have now and what I could build, what could be. And that to me, seems more important now. That for me, is more than enough.