Wander logo

Journey To Fulfillment

One who is lost can always find their way.

By David JacobsonPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
1

Up until a few years ago, fulfillment was a concept that constantly eluded me. I was so wrapped up in just paying bills and getting my life together. The truth is that from age 15 to 25 I was constantly numbing my feelings with multiple substance. I had grown up gay in the midwestern and southern parts of the United States, so self-acceptance was nearly impossible. I didn’t really have any coping skills except for hiding my head in a good book or eating as much as possible. I felt completely alone for the majority of my childhood. My parents didn’t understand. They couldn’t have done anything differently. I know that now. I just hid within myself. There was no fulfillment. It was all about surviving and hoping people would leave me alone.

Once I managed to get my life somewhat together with the help of the program I found, I realized I was hiding in the place that was helping me just as I hid as a child. So, I began to search. I revisited acting by attending an audition. I was laughed at by someone else in the same audition and that ended up deterring me. I want to be a part of things that are supporting. No person attempting to do something they enjoyed at one time in their life should be the butt of a joke. I went back in to hiding after the audition. I found myself trying to write songs and sing. As much as I have tried, song writing is a beast of a hobby, and one I haven’t quite cracked the code to.

Just last year, I took a lyrical dance class. I had danced as a child up until I was 15. I was pretty talented too. So why not try something that had brought me so much happiness in the past? Completing moves that I had forgotten over the years, brought the memories flooding back. That was where I got a taste of fulfillment. It was as though I had unlocked a door to something that had never been discovered. The cobwebs were dusted off and the key slipped into a lock. A whole new world had been discovered through revisiting a hobby of the past. Unfortunately, dance can be quite expensive no matter what path you take. Being a 30-year-old with no college degree living in upstate New York made the financial reality all that more apparent.

I began to revisit books. The Covid-19 pandemic freed a lot of time up for myself. I obtained a library card and started reading. I have read upwards of 20 novels in the past year and a couple of non-fiction titles. I really recommend Dolly Parton’s autobiography. I don’t know the last time book has put me in tears from laughing so hard. The novels were what hit home though. It never ceases to amaze me when people manage to create entire worlds out of a singular idea. I grew up reading Harry Potter. I started at 8 and the last book was released when I was 17. I remember standing in line at Borders at midnight and getting that copy of the last book. It was the end of an era. It meant the world to me to be able to follow Harry and his friends on their journey. Though the author has proven to be a bigot in her own way, I still love the books. Sometimes, the art can be appreciated, while the creator shows their flaws.

All of this brings me to what I find to bring me so much fulfillment in my life. That is writing. I am a huge fiction buff and have had a book series idea floating around for years. I am finally getting to the point of building it out and creating my own little world. The inner peace, fulfillment and discovery never cease to amaze me. The outside world seems to fall away when I’m in my world of creation. The characters aren’t just that, they are people to me. They have stories and now is the time to tell them. Every time I finish writing a passage or a short story, I feel more accomplishment than I have ever felt at a 9 to 5 job. I used to think it was the compliments of others that would give me pride in what I do. I was constantly looking outward for approval and acceptance. Writing has shown me that regardless the outcome, creating something all my own is the most fulfilling thing I can do.

The goal with writing is to not just help myself. While it is immensely helpful in giving me a purpose and exploring concepts, I really hope to give one human being a moment to leave their troubles behind and follow a character or two on their journey. I have found in the past that those characters I read inevitably help me in my own journey of self-discovery. Life can be incredibly painful at times and massively overwhelming. It is helpful to find a way to not completely escape, but to take a break and concentrate on something else. It is in those moments when we aren’t searching for answers, that they come. They can be found on a tv show, a film, a play, or even the text on the page of a novel. We can be entertained and grow at the same time. If I can write and publish something that will help just one person, it would mean a job well done.

There are many ways writing brings me fulfillment. The biggest way is the amazement I get from working the muscles of creativity after years of dust have covered them and dried them out. To get the machine going again is the best feeling I have had. No drug can compare. No compliment holds a flame. It is something that I am doing on my own and that speaks more wonders than any paycheck or adulation could ever do for me. I am leaving my footprint in my own way. It is an amazing feeling to put one foot in front of the other, knowing the path I am on is the right one. Maya Angelou said “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story within you.” I haven’t heard a truer statement. Once the story is forthcoming there is peace and contentment. The path has been revealed.

humanity
1

About the Creator

David Jacobson

Wandering through my 30's and getting back into writing after a very long break. I enjoy traveling, dancing, films, musicals, and day dreaming. Thanks for visiting and I hope you enjoy what I write!

Reader insights

Be the first to share your insights about this piece.

How does it work?

Add your insights

Comments

There are no comments for this story

Be the first to respond and start the conversation.

Sign in to comment

    Find us on social media

    Miscellaneous links

    • Explore
    • Contact
    • Privacy Policy
    • Terms of Use
    • Support

    © 2024 Creatd, Inc. All Rights Reserved.