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Fear and the Solo Traveler

Learning to Get Cozy With Your Monsters

By Jennifer WedglePublished 3 years ago 6 min read
2

I’m a woman who has lived on the road almost two years now in my RV as a solo nomad. It’s taken some time, but I’ve discovered that I love boondocking and being outside at night. I love the cool night air, the black sky full of stars, and most of all the absolute stillness and quiet that comes from being miles away from everyone and everything. I know for some people though, that image would inspire the opposite of calm and tranquility.

As a solo female traveler out here in the wild, no matter how you do it, it won’t be very long at all before you realize the importance of getting cozy with fear. Traveling by yourself is just not the kind of thing you that will let you get away with sweeping any of your baggage under the rug for very long. There’s also never a shortage of people wanting to let you in on all the scenarios in which you could possibly meet your demise. In almost two years of solo travel all over the western half of the United States, I’ve gotten advice on where I should camp, and where I shouldn’t as well as a full listing of the types of people I should be afraid of and all the places they could be lurking. I’m constantly reminded about all of the ‘but, what ifs’ I should be planning for, not to mention the ‘you should nevers’ and ‘I would nevers’. After all is said and done though, I can say with certainty that the two of the most important things about taking on an adventure solo is to first learn to listen to your gut and what it tells you. Listen to that little voice absolutely, unapologetically, and regardless of how much extra work it makes for you or anyone else. That instinct will NEVER let you down. The second thing is, under no circumstances or for any reason whatsoever let anyone give you their fears to take on and live with.

I wholeheartedly believe that every single person on this planet has their very own, private, twisted boogeyman to keep them company. It can exist in the form of a killer hiding in the shadows, a wild animal waiting to attack, or as a tiny insect with creepy crawly legs. Whatever it looks like, it’s the monster that lives upstairs, rent free. It’s the beast that stomps around and reminds us of all the things we want to do but can’t because we know that something out there is going to get us and get us good. Some of those fears are born out of past experiences, some are given to us through a screen or while sitting around a campfire listening to stories. Some of the worst are passed down from friends and family who only want to keep us safe. The point is that everyone’s boogeyman is completely unique to them. Mine is mine and yours is yours. While our monsters may appear similar on the outside, no one but you knows exactly how much real estate it’s taking up inside your head or what destruction is being caused by it. The things I need to do to feel safe are going to be completely different than what you may need to do.

An incredibly powerful thing to recognize and come to accept when you’re facing something that scares you, no matter what it is, is that there’s no easy way to work through fear and have it stick. There is no pill magic strong enough, no travel tip clever enough, no weapon big enough or words soothing enough to make it just, *poof*, disappear. The outside things and pieces of advice offered will only ever be a balm, not a cure. The people around you can let you know they’re there for you and want to do everything in their power to help you get through it, but the hard truth and what it all comes down to is that you have to want to do the thing you’re afraid of doing, more than you want to stay being afraid of it. It really is that simple, and that ridiculously difficult.

Learning to make fear manageable is an inside job. It’s a willingness to put yourself into the situation that scares you, while at the same time accepting that you can’t control everything and don’t know for certain what the ending is going to be. Living in a world that constantly tells you that feeling fear is a weakness makes coming to terms with that lack of control and vulnerability especially difficult. In order to do it, you’re required to have a faith and commitment to yourself that says that even though you don’t believe it, feel it, or see it, you know that you can do it. One of the hardest things in the world someone can do is commit to learning how to sit with their fear and find a way to make peace with it no matter how uncomfortable or messy it gets.

We all know that life is an inherently dangerous journey. From the moment of our first breath things are happening around us and to us that are dangerous, risky to life. Somehow though, we come to accept the risks and make peace with it all every day, barely giving it a thought most times. While the occasional horror movie and roller coaster are great, few people enjoy the fear that comes from being in real jeopardy. So, we spend our lives creating a world for ourselves that feels safe, comfortable, and manageable which makes it easy to forget that real growth only happens at the point we push past those boundaries we’ve created for ourselves. I think it’s important to keep in mind that if you’re willing to put your head down, take that first step and push your way into that unknown space outside your comfort zone, it’s perfectly okay to be scared and every single reaction you have to that being scared is perfectly normal. It’s also perfectly normal and okay to have whatever feelings you have about any part of the process. There is no right or wrong, or good and bad. It is whatever it is for you. If you can see the other side and you’re determined to get there, regardless of how small the steps are, congratulations, you’re more than halfway there!

There’s no way to tell someone what facing their fear and calling a truce with the monster upstairs will look like. It’s an individual thing that changes all the time. I still struggle with a few of the squatters in my head that sneak up on me every now and then. I can say with absolute certainty though, that you can learn to do the things you love and want to do while at the same time feeling scared and full of doubt. You may get everything figured out and do the thing you wanted to and decide that once was enough, but never again. It’s okay to try something and decide it isn’t for you. It’s a very precious and valuable piece of information to earn and learn about yourself that maybe you just aren’t ready for something. There is no shame is needing to go back and plot a new course or change the destination. Sometimes managing to walk through an experience and out the other side of it clutching a newly found part of yourself is an epic win. Sometimes just being able to breathe a little bit deeper because you’ve carved out an extra inch or two of wiggle room in your life by expanding your boundaries is worth congratulating. Whatever it looks like, facing your fear, any part of it, in whatever way you do it will always change you, and make you stand a little bit taller, and with that make your monsters just a little smaller. Squaring up with your fear and taking it down a notch or two is hard, but, there are nights with deep black skies full of stars and miles of open road to explore that can be so worth it.

You can't be brave without being scared first. It just doesn't work that way.

female travel
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