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Diarist: Sea Letters

dispatches from the middle of the ocean/my mind

By Joe NastaPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
2
Diarist: Sea Letters
Photo by Thomas Vimare on Unsplash

Letters. What we say out loud, but written. I'm fascinated by letters that capture a specific moment of being; when we sit down to write a letter we pour our presence onto the page. We send a piece of our minds, our bodies in an envelope or a satellite wave.

My Diarist: Sea Letters series explores the letters and emails I sent while working as a merchant mariner. I reflect on who I was, what my priorities were, and how I've grown since then.

This letter picks up right where the other leaves off. Or, in the way that letters do, it returns to the threads from the last few emails in its own round-about way. At this point in my life I was obsessed with elemental cycles for the first time: Fire, Air, Earth and Water. The time I spent in New York was Fire; the time in Beacon, Air. Crossing the country twice in five months was Earth. Reaching Seattle and the Pacific Ocean twice was Water.

05 August 2016

Diane :) don’t frown! I miss you too.

I’m glad you’re doing okay on the ship. That does suck that everyone you liked left. Just stick it through, the last weeks are the absolute worst but you can do it! The relief situation sucks. Hopefully they get a relief for you. With all the kids sitting around complaining about not being able to get work, someone should take it. How long are you going to be underway? I hope you get to see [name redacted] in a convenient way. It would suck to go all the way down to Florida and just see him a little bit. Where in Florida is that?

You should read! What else is there to do on the ship? (sleep, eat, go ashore, watch movies, okay i get it a lot of things). The 100 mile challenge sounds like a good idea. That’s funny that you did it all for a tee shirt haha but I can see you really enjoying the tee shirt :P. Maybe you should tell people about your goals so they can keep you accountable. Where do you want to volunteer? Are you feeling unfulfilled? OOOOh super fit D wooooo hahaha you should make a work out plan!

I know I am always welcome at your house :) thank you. I hope your mom isn’t mad or disappointed in me. I do miss her too haha.

No, I only fainted on the plane once, on the way to PCI. I am doing all of the things I wanted to do, and I’m grateful for that. Being on the road, going to national parks, camping and climbing and hiking, speeding on backroads—I never felt so happy as I did then. But whenever I’m alone I don’t feel very good. So that’s what I’m working on. You should get out here/there! Come on the California Coastal Trail with me! in October!

okay, you can save [name redacted] and you story for later. Off the hook for now! That is so sweet that you guys are going to make it work.

yes half hour for lunch at 1130. 10 hour days. It’s not so bad. Underway we’re on watch, i’m 8x12. I’ve been sleeping 7 hours a night I think.

Continued:

So after that I was up in Beacon. It’s a cute little town upstate a bit. About a 90 minute train from grand central. Artsy—there’s a famous art museum there (I didn’t go to it haha) and a lot of artist choose to live and work there instead of the city. I stayed in a house with two cats. The owners weren’t there so it was almost like having my own place. This is when I began my “air” phase. I was trying to separate myself from my life and the world. I started going to a meditation studio and tried to use that to forget everything (which is not the proper use of meditation). I do love that studio and still go whenever I’m in the city. I would travel down to the city to meet people, to go to meditation, to just walk around and have a day sometimes. I liked being separate from the city. Going there was a hassle and it kept me from just going crazy. Last March was still very cold in NY and it was kind of fitting. It was gloomy most of the time. I was trying to do a bunch of writing (I wanted to write a novel) but I didn’t do any. I was floating up there in Beacon, above the city and apart from my real life just pretending like it was working. I was happy sometimes, I was sad sometimes. I was feeling very anxious about boys. I hooked up with the guy who stayed in the other room in the airbnb and was very ashamed about that, but I just ignored it and forgot about it instead of dealing with it. I was planning on taking a trip to Miami to see Meaghan, and after that I was supposed to come back to Beacon and get my license. Even though it was a great place and I was okay, I was not actually doing anything or dealing with my issues. I think If I had gone back there it wouldn’t have ended very well. Rizzy was coming to NY to buy his ex-gf’s family’s car (jeep wowow) and drive it to Illinois, so we got an airbnb in Williamsburg for 2 nights and had a reunion. I decided after Miami I would come back to NY for easter, then head to Illinois and ride with Rizzy to the west coast.

to be continued… haha

Love, Doe Kasta :P

Some More Pops from SUNY Maritime

***

7/22 (Sunset)

*

Above the highest deck,

spread and force filled wings

don’t flap, but glide.

*

Gull on sea’s breath:

soiled but pure,

coasting

*

A hope of mine:

he’d slide—which

calmly he defies.

*

Not fast or slow, and so

the murky bird grazes

at gentle breeze speed.

🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊 🌊

Thanks for reading! If you like this post, give a little heart or tip below and check out my other Diarist entries on my Vocal Profile!

solo travel
2

About the Creator

Joe Nasta

Hi! I'm a queer multimodal artist writing love poems in Seattle, one half of the art and poetry collective Eat Yr Manhood, and head curator of Stone Pacific Zine. Work in The Rumpus, Occulum, Peach Mag, dream boy book club, and others. :P

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