Diarist: Alaska ~ Boarding the Malispina

Alaska

The first time I went to Alaska, I was working on the Alaska Marine Highway as a Third Assistant Engineer. This series of Diarist Entries will present my journal entries over the two weeks I worked onboard the ferry Malispina. I'm excited to start this series becuase sea journals, narrative ballads/sea poetry, old sailor yarns and the like have been very imactful on my writing and art! The entire Diarist concept but especially this series reflects my lineage as a mariner poet.

A new entry in the Alaska series will be published every Thursday for the next 13 weeks. :) Follow along babes! Also feel free to reach out if you want to chat about Alaska over email with me//be featured as a collaborator in the series! Woof.

Boarding the Malispina

Today, guess what I did? that’s right, you guessed it: Boarded the Malispina. Funny how titles work. Anyway, I boarded in Juneau after flying in yesterday and staying the night in Frontier Suites. I ventured out in the afternoon for Asian food, then binged Broad City and Kimmy Schmidt until midnight. This morning I was to board at 0700, but I wanted to be early so I got up at 0530 and headed to the terminal by 06.

It was odd, I wasn’t so nervous as usual, or as nervous as I expected to be. I was more just worried about getting to the terminal on time. It was okay that I was alone. It was okay that I didn’t know where to go and what to do. It would work out. And it did.

I’m on the 00x12 watch so as soon as I got onboard I started “working.” I say that because the first basically stood watch with me and was showing me everything. I have it all written down, and I should be good to go for normal operations. But he’s standing at least this next watch with me as well. I am on a fire team and surprisingly that is what bugs me, because I think the first time I turn out I’ll look ridiculous because I haven’t done it in a while.

I’m in a room in the passenger space (Outside Third) even though this is technically the day thirds room. The lock is screwed up, so the door will either not close all the way or will close and not unlock from the outside. I had to take a part of the door off and reach into open it from the inside. It was not stressful so much as annoying, and I was tired and just wanted to relax. But now it will be good.

I’m getting into a routine now so that I can keep it up the whole 2 weeks. This should fly by fast. Wake up at 2200, shower, meditate, eat. There is shitty coffee in the mess but it’s not even hot at this time. Back to room-journal. Haikus. Walk around deck. Engine Room at 1120-30. Watch until 1130. Lunch. Reading/Writing. Bed at 1500. Sleeeeep. Yeah this should be a pretty quick gig. Hopefully.

I forgot what it was like to know nothing and be brand new. I kind of miss the Langseth and my old job. Well, maybe not those exactly. Maybe I miss just feeling like I knew what I was doing and being productive. Being new is tough, but it’s good to remember it. And I’ll be doing it a lot. I do think I like WSF more than AMHS. But we shall see.

I’m trying to keep my head in a positive space because I think I could easily slip into a bad place. But this is not my life, it’s just a part of it. Two weeks is nothing. Then I’ll be back home continuing to live. Although I’m afraid because Bran won’t be there and I don’t really know anyone else. All the guys I’m meeting either want to date or not talk at all. All I want is to try to make new friends. I am actually amazed at how well I’m doing though. Even last year I would have been having a harder time. I’m proud of my growth and maturing. Hopefully I don’t have a break down. I felt one coming for a while…. or just the anticipation of one because I haven’t had one in a bit. Because I’ve been with Meaghan, or Rizzy, or Bran and been able to ward it off. I hope I can keep doing well. Maybe I will start therapy.

I do also think about Mitch a lot, probably a lot more than he thinks about me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what I want. Well, I do but I don’t want to dredge that up now. Another time.

I am doing well though. I am good. I’m great. I’m fine.

He took photographs of dawn.

I only take pictures of fog.

What were you think-

Ing, no pictures

Or

//

When the day began yellow

Flowers & the petals

Dropped. What

Were you

Think-

//

& the petals dropped op-

En. What were you

Thinking, no pic-

Tures, or

No

//

Yellow flowers. Photographs

Of dawn & the fog.

No pictures or

Nobody

Look-

//

When the day began yellow

We did not take pictures.

Nobody was looking

At us, dropping

Op-

//

We stood on the hill silently.

No pictures. The sun

Rose & it ended.

That was

All.

//

You were not thinking.

You were not think-

Ing. You were

Not think-

Ing.

//

Nothing Happened. I stood

On the hill silent & alone.

Nobody looking.

It ended op-

Ening.