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Dear Bluey...

the life and tales of Bluey

By Rosalyn GramsPublished 7 years ago 10 min read
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It was approaching the end of term at Stirling University and I was deciding what to do and where I wanted to be over the summer – with 12 weeks basically free...I couldn’t remember having that much time off; ever!

Being stuck indoors a lot due to long term illness, I very often miss getting out and about as much as I used to, and make the most of the days when I am well.

I bounce out of bed grab my meds, my crutches, my backpack and off I go...

The decision not to rent a place over the summer was quite deliberate. Why have the hassle of packing up and moving; just for 12 weeks, then do it all over again back onto Uni Campus again? It seemed just plain silly.

And then there was the chances of getting deposit money back from a private landlord after only 3 months - somewhere between zero and ‘are-you-having-a-laugh?’

So, I packed up all my stuff and stored it at my Aunts place, went online and bought a tent, sleeping bag, camping stove and a few other bits and pieces ready for a mobile summer.

A few days later, my parcels started to arrive – the first to arrive was you, Bluey – my wee blue pop-up tent...I opened the packaging and saw my home for the next few weeks 😊

Bluey...the early days

Chapter 1

Being disabled, I thought a pop-up type of tent would be the most practical for me, easier to put up and take down. In preparation though, I thought ‘I better try putting it up and packing it away a few times to make sure I can do it without having to ask for help at my stops along the way’.

Bluey, you were in a round carry-bag, zipped round the handle end.

I unzipped the bag in my sitting room and tipped the contents onto the floor where you sprang into shape almost before hitting the laminate floor, albeit on your side!!

I pulled you right up, unzipped your ‘door’ and had a look at the space inside. I’d made the right decision – 2 man tent = enough space for 1 x me, my stuff and my crutches. Feeling quite pleased with my decision, I then decided to try to pack you up again back into your carry-bag.

After 10 minutes of twisting, bending, folding and swearing, Bluey – I decided you were a complete unadulterated bawbag.

I found myself bent over, trying to balance on my wonky knees, trying to stuff you back in your bag and would you go in? Hell no – you popped up again before I got you halfway into the bag, you awkward little shit!

I am happy there were no observers to see me rant “but you came out of there...why can’t you go back in?”

Between the asthmatic wheezing and whistling sounds, the tutting and much swearing I sounded like a beatboxer with tourettes.

I stopped for a break in proceedings, made a cuppa and glared at you for a while then popped online to look at how-to videos.

5 minutes later I was successfully holding you, neatly folded and back in your carry-bag...HA! Beat you!

the offending carry-bag

Chapter 2

It was the day before leaving campus and I was getting everything into my girly pink rucksack – no, I do NOT know why I chose pink – but I was impressed by how much fit in and onto it.

I attached your handles to the top of my rucksack, bluey but you bounced about too much so I wrapped a bungee cord around to hold you secure onto the rucksack, next to my sleeping bag so that I could have my hands free to use my crutches.

Chapter 3

The train journey from Stirling to Glasgow Queen Street was uneventful. There was an hours delay with the departure from Central to Maybole though, signal failures, engineering works that had gone over schedule – just for a bloody change (not!).

Typical, I thought, then realised I actually had no schedule to be late for and chilled the hell back down again…

We eventually left Glasgow and it was quite a nice journey, sat by the window looking out at the sunshine – a really good day to start my summer!

Arriving at Maybole, I had 45 minutes to kill before my bus to the campsite so I bought a sandwich and made my way to the beautiful gardened area in front of the train station, where I wriggled out of my backpack and sat on the bench to have my lunch.

Afterwards, I slid back across the bench to pop my arms into the straps again, closed them tight and buckled the front strap.

All nice and secure I put my crutches by each leg, leaned forward, pressed down for balance on my crutches and… nothing happened. The bench was low, my rucksack was heavy and my knees seized – I couldn’t get off the damn bench!!!

After three attempts and a bit of swearing I noticed a couple of lads on the bench opposite, actually bent over laughing at me stuck there…..but they were kind enough to come over, firstly to laugh some more, but then to give me a ‘wee push’ off the bench and onto my feet again.

One of them said “I bet him a pint you couldn’t get up again” said lad number 1, pointing at lad number 2.

“Cheers for that luv”.

Twat.

With my giant rucksack, with attached rollmat, sleeping bag and you, Bluey, I felt like the Weeble who actually fell down. – I’m sorry you got squished when they tried to get me upright again...

I had no pocket space for the bags of 3-in-one coffee I’d seen in the sandwich shop so one of those kindly rescuers put them in your carry-bag for me, Bluey.

Thanks for taking care of those for me.

Chapter 4

The bus to Culzean came and I got on. Too afraid of not getting up again, I just stood and hung on for dear life as the driver bounced around the country roads like Richard Hammond on Red Bull.

I stepped down off the bus but was still getting my balanced when the driver shut the door and caught one side of your carry-bag Bluey. I was bloody well stuck again while the driver laughed and then let me go. He was however, kind enough to get off and check everything was still attached, and where it should be.

Culzean Castle Camping & Caravanning Club Site is right across the road from the bus stop so I managed to get there without getting lost, signed in and got you set up Bluey, in a nice spot near the shop and camp entrance on a backpackers pitch.

That day and the next were lovely bright sunny days. You were a great wee shelter when the sun got too warm for me and I needed a wee ‘old lady nap’.

I woke up an hour or so later, unzipped your door and lay there just looking at the blue sky and the few clouds for a while…..

Chapter 5

Day 4 – it rained a little. But hey, it’s Scotland, this happens, right?

You held it together pretty well those first few days Bluey – I was very impressed. Groundsheet let nothing in whatsoever. The vent cover stayed in place ok, the netting kept the flying beasties out whilst I sat and looked out at the awesome surroundings, having a cuppa on those early mornings before I went wandering for the day. I started with the Culzean Castle grounds, walking trails and visitor centre (the tea and scones are fantastic there, just sayin’).

Then went farther afield for days out and walking around Ayr, including the long Scots Mile which had to include fish & chips by the sea. And why not?

Day 7 – it rained more – in fact it chucked it down. I thought ‘ok – book day’ and reached outside to put water on for a cuppa.

You let me down that day Bluey – and I felt utterly betrayed.

Like a Possil chav who can't hold his buckfast – the rain went right through you Bluey... From the top down.

Everything. Got. Soaked.

I was taken in by Morag and Dave, site assistants, who sat me in their awning with a cuppa to dry off a bit.

I sat there contemplating what to do. The next morning, I got an early bus back to Maybole to the little hardware shop where, after a chat with the kind lady who worked there, came out with a tarp to put over you.

So an hour later, Bluey, you were proudly wearing a dark green tarp and I was wearing dry clothes – much better!

Chapter 6

Arriving at Luss, Loch Lomond I asked for a quiet spot by the Lochside.

Bluey, apart from the midges, pitch 47 was gorgeous! Next to the water, I could sit next to you with a cuppa and watch the water and wee duckies who waddled round the site visiting all who came and went.

A man came from the next pitch after I set up and said “sweetheart, shouldn’t your tarp be UNDER your tent?”

I said “you’ll see…..”

The next morning Mr Smartysarcasticpants was carrying his soggy clothes and sleeping bag to the tumble dryer in the laundry block. Ha ha!

I was impressed with you again Bluey, wearing your green tarp like an superhero cape! You defended me from rain and midges there at Luss.

Although, I do have to admit that the term midges did not accurately describe the situation. ‘Wee bitey b****ds’ was more appropriate. – but you protected me, Bluey, you and the Jungle Spray I got from the chemist, from a lady who looked at me and said ‘oh dear’ and simply handed me the can without asking for any further information...

Chapter 7

The rain went away to annoy someone else for a few days. Then, a few days later it came back and brought its mates with it. Thunder, lightning and torrential rain.

Bluey, I honestly thought you could handle the rain. The wind however, turned out to be a bit trickier.

Even though you were well pegged down, Bluey, you bent this way and that, your corners went up and down, the sides billowed in and out.

I was wondering if I should get out and batter the pegs back down a bit when I remembered I was a fat bird, so the tent literally COULDN’T go anywhere with me inside it.

So I poured a wee vodka and coke, and settled back into my sleeping back and pressed the Netflix icon on my phone.

Around 4 am the next morning the weather was still the same but I had no choice but to make a break for the loo – when you gotta go, you simply gotta go.

Arriving back – I unzipped your ‘door’ Bluey, and the zipper came off in my hand. I thought ‘ok – this is new’ then pulled apart the zip to climb inside out of the rain.

10 minutes later after failing to reattach the zipper handle I had resorted to using laundry pegs to close the door, whilst ducks waddled back and forward.

‘wack, wack!’

Waddle. Waddle.

‘wack, wack’.

I said, “I KNOW!!!!”

Chapter 8 - A Fond Farewell

The next morning I felt I betrayed you Bluey, placing my telephone order while I sat next to you. But the damage was done, the condition terminal. I had to make preparations for your final journey... to the skip.

As I collapsed you down and tied a string around to hold you secure, I put you on the ground to take a sip of my coffee, and one of the ducks crapped on you.

I was glad to have met you Bluey, but let’s be honest – you really were a rubbish tent.

Your replacement arrived two hours after you were gone Bluey. I have called him PrepH because he saved my butt... and my holiday.

humorsolo travel
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About the Creator

Rosalyn Grams

#walking on wonky kneesI write about journeys,imaginary worlds, disability challenges, satire & other topics. Twitter @rosgrams Email [email protected] Facebook https://www.facebook.com/walkingonwonkyknees/

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