Blessed

Even on her deathbed, Benedita’s grandmother was positive and full of wisdom, how she'd always be remembered.

“Ask of the universe and you shall recieve,” she used to say, her dark-as-midnight eyes twinkling with something that Benedita couldn’t quite understand, but wished someday she might.

Nana often spoke fondly of her childhood in Brazil, and as she talked Benedita would close her eyes and imagine the glittering sea, warm sun and colourful crowds.

Nana was also an auspicious woman. She loved to play the lottery, and would sit hunched in front of the television on a Tuesday night watching the lucky numbers roll out. She didn’t often win anything, but this didn’t seem to bother her.

Benedita thought of her grandmother’s cryptic words on this chilly October night, but instead of filling her with hope, they filled her with despair. She sat alone at the window in her Chicago apartment and watched raindrops chase each other across the glass.

“Clearly the universe isn’t looking out for me,” she heard herself croak. “I can hardly pay the bills, I’m in a dead-end job. I know there’s a better life out there for me, Nana, but I just can’t reach it.”

She found herself imagining her grandmother’s reply, clear as day.

“Don’t be so desperate, darling,” she’d say calmly, the corners of her lips lifting ever-so-slightly. “You already have everything you could ever need within you.”

At this, Benedita wiped away a tear that was beginning to wet her lashes and gave a chuckle. What does that mean, you crazy old woman?

**

Two days later was Benedita’s birthday. With the family still rocked by Nana’s passing just weeks before, she didn’t find herself in much of a mood to celebrate. She trundled through her day at the office, fending off Happy Birthdays and breaking into a speedwalk as if she was late for a meeting (she wasn’t).

When she finally reached her trusty red apartment door at the end of the day and turned the key, a sigh of relief washed over her. Once inside, she noticed a thin rectangular parcel had made its way through her letterbox and lay staring up at her from the floor.

Benedita carried the parcel impatiently to the living room and tore it open, revealing a small notebook bound in soft, black leather. She flipped the pages, breathing in the trusty scent, and examined the cover. Etched in small, gold letters, there it was: “Ask and you shall receive”. The notebook wasn’t accompanied by any card or explanation; but immediately she knew exactly who had sent it and what she needed to do.

Just as she rose from the sofa, the shrill tone of the doorbell gave her a start. She wasn’t expecting anybody, and her friends were under strict instructions to leave her alone with a bottle of red, a box set and a healthy dose of self pity tonight.

Not ones to follow instructions, Benedita’s three best friends had gathered in her doorway, ready to screech “Happy Birthday Ben!” and bustle into her apartment before she had registered what was happening.

“I know you wanted to be alone tonight,” Benedita’s oldest friend Ashley explained softly. “And we’ll leave if you say so…”

The other girls shot a look that said, No we won’t.

“No—” Benedita interrupted. “I feel better already. Let’s celebrate. But I have to do something first.”

“Fine. But hurry up!”

The excited chatter of the girls continued as they gathered around the kitchen counter, popping a bottle of champagne.

Benedita went into her bedroom and dropped instinctively to her knees on the soft carpet. She was surrounded by candles and green, leafy plants on every free surface. She lowered the notebook that was held tightly to her chest and opened to the first, crisp page.

She took a deep breath and began to write.

I’m no good at these things, I’m not sure how you’re supposed to start...

I’m really struggling right now. Nana’s gone, and it feels like someone has turned out the lights. But Nana always told me that all I need to do is ask for what I want and believe that I deserve it. She said nothing was off limits.

So here it is. I’ve never travelled out of this country… I long to see Brazil, connect with my heritage, explore the big wide world out there waiting for me. I want to let the sun kiss my skin, taste new flavours. I want to feel free. I want it so badly, I physically ache.

Wearing precarious stilettos and giggly smiles, the girls went out dancing. As the dizzy warmth of the alcohol began to heat her insides, Benedita swayed her body rhythmically, surrounded by her best friends. Looking at each of their glowing faces, she couldn’t help but laugh. How had she been so blind the last few weeks? She was consumed by work and stress, losing sight of what really mattered.

“Isn’t this what it's all about?” she shouted to no one in particular through the foggy thump of the music.

“What?!” Ashley screamed back.

“To live, and breathe, that will always be enough!”

The girls exchanged confused glances but waved their arms in joyous agreement nonetheless.

As home-time drew nearer, Benedita hobbled to the bathroom, flopped down on the velvet restroom sofa and plucked her heels from her aching feet. As she huffed a sigh of relief, a glint of gold flashed in the corner of her eye. A scratchcard floated to meet the bathroom tiles; it must have been stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

Benedita was never one to ever play the lotto, but she rooted around in the bottom of her purse for a coin. She began to scratch, bleary-eyed, at the card, humming to the beat of the music that blazed on outside the door. It took her several moments to examine the results before she understood. Then she burst into delirious laughter, scanning the vacant bathroom for someone who might be able to confirm her eyes were not deceiving her.

$20,000.

Enough to quit her job and buy a ticket.