Bleeding Black and Gold Forever

I just spent a week in Pennsylvania.

I was in the middle of a delayed layover in Philly jamming out to the Pennslyvania Polka to keep the PA vibes alive when I took a moment to reflect and do some writing...

I spent a week in my hometown of Pittsburgh. I was there for work, but it felt very personal. I hadn't been back in 10 years. 10 years, y'all! That's a long time. It wasn't like I didn't want to visit any sooner, but the perfect storm of variables prevented me from doing so.

Physically, not much has changed. The skyline is still as beautiful as ever. The neighborhoods are just as eclectic and chock full of unique characters as they always have been.

A good friend texted me part way through the week to see how it was going.

This was my response:

"It's been kind of wild to be back. Like it's a measurement not so much in how the city has changed but how much I have."

Whoa.

Pretty deep for a work trip.

But it's the absolute truth.

With all of my zig zagging, I've gained a healthy appreciation for Pittsburgh. And coming back after 10 years is like holding up a mirror to my own personal growth. Gone is the girl who was itching to be anywhere but Pittsburgh. Gone is the girl who didn't really appreciate where she was from. Gone is the girl who used to hesitate to share her hometown when she was asked for fear of an almost inevitable reaction from a lot of stuck-up people she encountered in the world. "Pittsburgh?!?" They would say with raised eyebrows.

That girl is all grown up. She has seen a bit of the world and learned some things about that world, which served as a means of solidifying her place in it. That girl is now super proud to shout from the rooftops that she grew up in Pittsburgh, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

I've been many different versions of Kathleen since that sparkly adventure-seeking hopeful young lady left home. But the root and foundation of who I am at my core never wavered. And that is why I am stating this once again as the capital T Truth: I take a little bit of Pittsburgh with me wherever I go. That's just a fact. Pittsburgh is ingrained in my soul and will be forever. You can take the girl out of Pittsburgh, but you can never take the Pittsburgh out of the girl. I'm okay with that.

But as fun as it was to be back and take a few detours down memory lane, it feels like a chapter of my life has been officially put to rest. I left feeling calm and at peace. I no longer feel triggered by old ghosts. This is a testament to the deep hard work I've done to exorcise those ghosts. And it feels pretty damn good.

The little piece of Pittsburgh that I keep tucked in my heart is enough for me. Hometowns are kind of like high school sweethearts: you appreciate what they meant to you and how they shaped you, but it's not necessarily always the best idea to make either one a permanent fixture in your life a second time around.

So I'm going to keep zig zagging on to my next adventure with my sweet little Pittsburgh heart full of gratitude and appreciation.

Until next time :)

“You can be anything in Pittsburgh, a stripper, a writer, a student, a bartender, or something else, or everything else, all of it at once, and no one cares, or if they care, they mean it, it's love. In Pittsburgh, you are tough or you are not. You write or you don't write. You start hearts or allow hearts to wind down like old clocks. I almost never think about what Pittsburgh means because I know it.”

― Dave Newman, Raymond Carver Will Not Raise Our Children

Same, Mr. Newman, same.