A Trip to Maui

When I was a kid, we never went on a real vacation. What I mean is we never went to an exciting place with the sole purpose of unwinding and having fun. Sure, we took little one- or two-day trips to amusement parks all within driving distance. That’s alright, but we never made it to Disney World or anywhere tropical. I suppose it was because for the first eight years I was an only child and money was an issue. Then once my brother was born, it was just a hassle to wrangle two kids.

I should probably mention that we visited family on the Jersey shore almost every summer. But I’ve found that people that live at the beach don’t necessarily love going to the beach. I never ever saw Nana or Pop-Pop hit the beach, only the boardwalk on occasion. The boardwalk is great, but the beaches on the east coast are not ideal. It’s cold. The water is choppy, cloudy, kinda smelly, and there’s litter in the sand.

Then one day out of the blue, my husband asked me if I wanted to go to Hawaii (specifically Maui) for his friend’s 40th birthday. That was not something I ever thought I’d hear. I was confused, nervous, and excited. It was not as expensive as we’d expected, and our friend graciously offered to pay for our lodging.

We bought our plane tickets and started planning. Our family of three would be joining our friend, his parents, his sister, her friend and her two kids. We rented two big cars to get around the island and plans started taking shape.

What we did:

• Took the 'Road to Hana'
• Fishing (caught a 🐠 and ate it!)
• Day trip to Lanai
• Birthday Luau
• Snorkeling in Molokini crater
• Maui Aquarium

Highlights, mishaps, and funny moments:

With a stroke of beginner’s luck, my daughter caught a fish while bottom fishing off the coast of Molokini crater. After catching a few smaller trigger fish which had to be thrown back, we caught a yellow fish with blue stripes about the size of a cell phone. A crew member identified our catch, a blue line snapper, which is both an invasive species and good eats! We took it home and our friends showed us how to fry it up in some with butter with breadcrumbs. It was light and tasty!

We stopped at a local fruit vendor along the road to Hana where we bought a bunch of apple bananas and a bag of lychees. My daughter proceeded to eat the whole bag in about a minute flat. The road to Hana is notoriously curvy (620 curves to be exact) and steep. Not great for those with motion sickness or those who inhale a pound of new exotic fruit…I managed to get the plastic bag under her just in time 🤮

The next day was the Luau. We all came home exhausted, a few of us still half drunk. But when we got home, the electronic keypad on the door wouldn’t work. Apparently, the thing ran out of batteries. We called the owner, but she lived on the mainland, employing the services of a local to handle any lockouts, etc.

Making the most of our time while waiting for the owner to text back, we laid out on the grass stargazing. Then the sprinklers came on. Recalling the signs we saw earlier; my daughter reminded us that the sprinklers here used dirty (reclaimed) water. We all got up in a hurry.

The next day, on board the Calypso, our ride to Molokini crater for Snorkeling, the ship’s captain issued a warning to all who use the marine head (toilet) to dispose of their toilet paper in the wastebasket. Toilet paper clogs the pipes and clogged pipes would mean canceling the trip.

I meant to comply, of course, but I am usually on autopilot when I do my business. Mistakes happen. I did what I had to do. A normal person would have just asked for some soap, but here is what I said to the crew:

“Hi, I’m gonna be real with you. I forgot about the toilet paper rule. Then I remembered. I scooped out the evidence with my bare hand. Then I realized you are out of soap in there. Can I have some soap?” 🫤

Things I’ll miss about Maui:

• P.O.G. (pineapple, orange, and guava juice blend) on tap in every restaurant
• Feral chickens and their chicks just vibing around shops and parking lots
• Geckos 🦎
• Hawaiian Shave (not shaved) Ice

• The scent of fresh Plumeria (not that Bath and Body Works crap)
• The macaroni salad (OMG)
• Perfect weather all day everyday

Things I won’t miss about Maui:

• Vigilant sunscreen application on my delicate Irish legs that have never seen the light of day. My husband describes me as “a goth beach babe in a Tim Burton film.”
• Getting sunburn in spite of all the sunscreen 🥵
• The 14-hour flight from DC

Things to remember if visiting Maui:

• Always choose a reef safe mineral sunscreen when swimming in the ocean. This is to protect the coral.
• And this statement from the Hawaii Tourism Authority

While some fire-affected areas remain closed to the public, visitation continues to be welcomed and encouraged throughout Maui and the islands of Kauaʻi, Oʻahu, Lānaʻi, Molokaʻi and Hawaiʻi Island. Visitors throughout the Hawaiian Islands are urged to be especially mindful and respectful in our island home.