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A Fantasy Pirates Life

all the reasons why it's not the life for me.

By C. M. SearsPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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A Fantasy Pirates Life
Photo by David Dibert on Unsplash

Every since I watched the Goonies and Pirates of the Carribean, I have always wanted to be a pirate. I thought it would be fun to sail around on a big beautiful Ship like the Black Pearl or The Majestic "Inferno", but if I am going to do something like that I need to be realistic about it. First of all, there are no restrooms on a pirate ship! nor are there showers, and the captains quarters are not very accomodating for a woman who expects to be treated like a princess! Yes, I said "expects" because I am a spoiled brat! My husband makes sure I have any and everything I need, not want, but need. If I want something and I can prove it's usefulness, then he won't argue with me about it, because I am unfortunately known for buying things that I "need" and as time goes on, they sit collecting dust, until I give them away or sell them. As he says "but you just HAD to have it" so I am not allowed to buy it unless I can prove it's use, which is fair, and saves money.

By Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

I love the thought of being a pirate, because being on that ship that sails out on the horizon would be amazing I think. However, it would be disgusting at the same time, because I don't know about you, but first of all I am not a fan of the ocean or some of the terrifying creatures that live down there. Sharks, Electric Eels, Killer Whales, Sting Rays (which are cute but as they proved with one famous death, thier tails are very sword like) and I will include jellyfish, because that is a pain that I am told that is horrific and could last for weeks, plus I will be damned if anyone is peeing on me! Those are only a few of the mammals and deep sea life I am terrified of, but if I listed them all, this story would get boring really quick, assuming that you haven't stopped reading this and moved on. Anyway, moving on...

By Luke Southern on Unsplash

To be a modern day pirate is a bit different I suppose. they sail around on boats with motors now because they can get to thier victims alot faster! Also, they are kidnappers, murderers, rapists and thieves, pretty sure I am not any of those things and the mere thought of it makes me cringe, but that was all part of pirating so in order to survive I would have to at least pillage and plunder... and sometimes probably murder. They really do rob cargo vessels, so there is actual plundering, and pillaging in places like the Somali Coast between the Red Sea and Indian Ocean, Straits of Malacca,the Serbian Ocean, and parts of the Romainian Ocean as well. In 2011 there were attacks on cargo vessels reported in the International stretches of the Danube River(and they carry automatic weapons, not swords). So, the more I talk about this, the less likely I am to do it. I cannot go without a shower for months at a time simply because that would be disgusting. Women have places that need to be cleaned daily! No working plumbing, not for this girl! So as cool as pirating sounds on an old wooden ship, it's really not. If you eat or drink anything wrong, you will have severe dysentery...do I really want that on a ship with no place to have this situation? yeah....NO! there will be no pooping in a bucket for me! What happens if you get really sick or break something like your arm, leg, neck? No doctors around for literally miles! I don't think I want to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere with broken parts. I also do not care to be killed by other pirates who are living in today, not fantasy Island! I know your reading this and saying, "so just have it outfitted for today", well first of all that would be horribly expensive and that is also cheating. I want to know what it was actually like in the 14th century to be a real pirate, but I know I would only survive it for about two weeks before I would be crying to go home to my modern television, computer, phone, and car. I don't eat fast food so I wouldn't miss that, because I also know how to cook anything that comes out of the water, and I happen to love seafood. The down side to that would probably be no refrigeration, but I will assume it would be cold enough to keep things from spoiling, which is why they ate a diet of mostly goods that stored well like flour, sugar, coffee, beans, rice, potatoes, onions, salt/pepper, barrels of rum and water and the like. What if you went overboard? did they come back for you or were you left to die? The answer is, they determined how the person(s) ranked, if they were not an important part of the crew, the person was simply left where they fell and alot of the time they travelled in groups so the wayward ship would simply scoop them up. The captain and first mate were the most important people. I got this from the internet, this is not verbatim, but tis true none the less. That action would not be true today, today if there is a "man overboard" call on a ship, that call must be called out by every sailor on the ship until it has reached the last man, then they are to scramble and save the man who went overboard. They practice this drill as well as others all the time.

By Nick Karvounis on Unsplash

So, you see, it's not the life for me. I love to daydream about what it's like but I fear I shall never know, because I am a princess, and I love my modern ammenities, hell I can't live without my phone for even a day and I sleep on memory foam, drink starbucks daily and I have to have a specific toilet paper...oh I forgot that part, they wiped their ass with their hands and wash it in a bucket...ewwww gross! I freak out if I get poo on my finger when wiping! I have to wash my hands twice in scolding water with a handful of anti-bacterial soap to convince myself they are clean , so what in the world makes me think I could live a pirates life..lmao! Life is good right where I am, so here is where I will stay. Thanks for reading!

fact or fiction
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About the Creator

C. M. Sears

I am learning more about writing every time I write a new story, whether it be fiction or fact. I love this platform and will continue to write and learn...if you like what you read in any of my stories please click the heart.

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