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The Past We Can't Escape

We need to re-educate, reform, and reestablish a new era of true equality

By Jessica ConwayPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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I cannot watch anything that portrays what life was like for black people in the past. Not because I don’t want to understand it or because it breaks my heart; but because of the raw rage I feel inside every, single, time. It’s a burning ache that rotates violently, end over end, in my chest each time I see tears on a black face, scars on black skin, and ESPECIALLY the look of unadulterated disgust portrayed on white faces. I’m afraid of that rage because it calls for more than justice. It calls for revenge: blood for blood, an eye for an eye, a life for another. It’s a very primal urge that feels a little too right at times. My soul sings for a revolution; even when I know the truth behind such a word. Real revolution means senseless violence and devastation. It means newly orphaned children, unworthy martyrs, and cities brought down to their iron knees. It would mean a chance to start building a new America, but with the same old bruises that never heal because we never learned. Just another war America would have to go through because we didn’t have the common sense or patience to communicate with each other.

The logical side of me understands that white men and women of today are not at fault for the crimes of the past. And while these past injustices enrage me, the current problems all people deemed ‘different’ than the perceived ‘average’ face, fills me with a wrath like nothing else I’ve ever felt in my life. The current climate we live in SHOULD be better; we all SHOULD have learned by now that our differences are what make us matter. Those differences SHOULD be celebrated by each and every one of us because that is what a better America stands for. Yet, the way we treat each other reminds me of those past atrocities that are not so far behind us, and the current actions taken: families separated with children in cages, policemen killing without hesitation, cultures and religions mocked for their right to freely believe; boldly claims that those who suffered for a better America did so in vain. At the very least, we SHOULD have learned from our history but we haven’t because the truth has been buried under beautiful white porcelain lies that, stacked up so high, would cause our society to crack and shatter if we were to reveal the crumbled red and brown clay underneath. We NEED to change, and to evolve past the flimsy barriers we put between ourselves.

I know that white guilt is real, and it hurts us all more than it helps. It’s too easy to remove guilt from oneself if you have even one person pat you on the back to say ‘it’s ok’, when NOTHING is ok until the problem is rectified! NOTHING is ok until these problems are shown the light of day and brought to actual justice! NOTHING is ok until the problems have been solved. We have to fix things, not bandage them up so the scars won’t heal into shiny new flesh that will reflect the truth later when it’s too late. America seriously lacks the ability to empathize or communicate and it will be our inevitable downfall. We are so used to focusing on the past that we forget to think on how to create the future we want. If we aren’t able to have knowledgeable, open dialog about our differences and our similarities with each other, then the patterns started in 1620 will remain infinite.

To begin, we have to start having hard conversations with each other. We all have a responsibility to help build our community ties. We live in a very individualized country and have forgotten what it means to rely on one another for more than financial support. This is a time when we have to stop battling each other to face the actual enemy; a disease that roams the minds of our countrymen and women without symptom or sign before it’s too late. Having open, honest conversations isn’t as hard as it seems and will push us further than anything else could. Next, we focus on educating each other and our next generations on the full truth; that America is a bastard nation still striving to earn it’s place in the world. We must also teach each other how to communicate effectively and efficiently. In a way that will maximize the success of compromise, agreement and understanding above all else. If we can at least understand each other, we cannot fail in the ultimate goal of a worthy united nation. Now, we address the inequalities found in nearly every nook and cranny of government, and squash them. We need to strike with REAL change. It cannot just stop with talking and learning. The privilege white Americans have been privy to must end now. If we are to make America better, we have to all start on the same level in every instance. We need to re-educate, reform, and reestablish a new era of true equality where all lives ACTUALLY matter to all of us.

I acknowledge the pain those movies, shows, and documentaries incite in me and I am letting myself feel that irate sadness that is so common when watching people that resemble me go through everything we know to be true. I acknowledge the indignant vitriol that churns inside me when I see it on today’s news. But I ask myself and others: what’s the next step? What allows us to push past it? At the moment, nothing. It’s just a pain many of us hide away in a box towards the backs of our minds because it feels like an impossible problem to solve by ourselves; and it would be. Alone, nobody could solve these issues we continue to face. We need and have to work together if we are to solve these dilemmas. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from. 2020 should be the year we start evolving.

humanity
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Jessica Conway

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