The Carmel in My Coffee

This morning, a pretty average almost summer morning in late May, I, a pretty average white guy had left for work to make my hour plus commute to the bank. A little rain, a little sun, the highway lightly traveled, and my mind drifted away from the pandemic of the century, to the sweetness of my coffee. Hazelnut with the delicious finish of carmel, just nutty enough to get that earthy feel and sweet enough to cover the bitter.

As an average white man in America, I have the luxury of traveling the highway at nearly 20 mph over the posted limit while daydreaming about the carmel in my coffee and not my general wellbeing should I get pulled over. You see I have privilege as a white person because I can; I can go birding (#ChristianCooper).

I can go jogging (#AmaudArbery).

I can relax in the comfort of my own home (#BothemSean & #AtatianaJefferson).

I can ask for help after being in a car crash (#JonathanFerrell & #RenishaMcBride).

I can have a cellphone (#StephonClark).

I can leave a party to get to safety (#JordanEdwards).

I can play loud music (#JordanDavis).

I can sell CDs (#AltonSterling).

I can sleep (#AiyanaJones).

I can walk from the corner store (#MikeBrown).

I can play cops and robbers (#TamirRice).

I can walk home with Skittles (#TrayvonMartin).

I can hold a hair brush while leaving my own bachelor party (#SeanBell).

I can party on New Years (#OscarGrant).

I can lawfully carry a weapon (#PhilandoCastile).

I can break down on a public road with car problems (#CoreyJones).

I can shop at Walmart (JohnCrawford).

I can have a disabled vehicle (TerrenceCrutcher).

I can read a book in my own car (#KeithScott).

I can be a 10yr old walking with my grandfather (#CliffordGlover).

I can decorate for a party (#ClaudeReese).

I can ask a cop a question (#RandyEvans).

I can cash a check in peace (#YvonneSmallwood).

I can take out my wallet (#AmadouDiallo).

I can run (#WalterScott).

I can breathe (#EricGarner).

I can live (#FreddieGray).

I can get a normal traffic ticket (#SandraBland),

And, I CAN BE ARRESTED WITHOUT THE FEAR OF BEING MURDERED (#GeorgeFloyd). White privilege is real. I'll prove it to you.

It was late in the evening nearing midnight about 16 years ago. I made my way from the bar to my truck for the short 4 minute ride home. I passed the local convenience store, a CoGo's in my neck of the woods and headed around the bend, only another mile and a half and one more turn to go. I'm not proud to say I made that trip hundreds of times after several cocktails. This time as I approached the final left turn, the oncoming car flashes his high beams allowing me the right of way to turn left. I hadn't spent much time looking in the rear view mirror on the short trip, so what came next was a complete surprise. Upon completing the left turn, the car that gave me the go ahead, immediately turned in behind me along with two other cars flashing the blue and red lights. I was nervous to say the least, as I was fearing a DUI but surprise again. After stopping, I heard on a speaker from the car directly behind me; "driver, turn off your vehicle and exit the vehicle walking backwards with your hands on your head." I complied and exited the vehicle, took two steps back and was met by one cop, grabbing my left wrist and instructed me to kneel as he cuffed that hand and brought it behind my back and did the same with my right. He instructed me to stand and assisted me to the rear of my vehicle. It was then that I noticed, one officer to the side of my driver's door with his sidearm pointed at me, and another at the tear of my vehicle with a shotgun pointed at me. I've never had a DUI but from the stories I've heard from others, this was not the standard procedure. During their questioning it turns out that the CoGo's had just been robbed by a man driving a truck. Okay, fair enough I thought and I waited propped against my tailgate as they brought the clerk from the store to the scene to identify the apparent perpetrator. On his arrival they asked if I was the culprit, he laughed and said; no, I told you he was about 5'10", thin and longer hair. His laughter is likely because I am 6'2", at the time about 250 lbs. and my head is shaved. Here's the payoff pitch...a swing and miss by the local PD. As they hurried to correct the egregious mistake they had made, the cuffing officer, while keying the cuffs he applied, leans in and whispers, "next time be careful with the drinking and driving", slaps me on the shoulder, and just like that the shows over. Wtf just happened, was my first thought, then relief. I went home that night went to sleep and had nothing but some bruised wrists and a good story to tell from the incident, why, white privilege.

Take a minute to consider what a black person might experience in that same circumstance today.

Take another minute to consider the constant and legitimate fear black parents, families, communities, and loved ones face from racial injustice, fear that their son, brother, sister, daughter, cousin, teacher, student, partner, mentor, mother, father or friend could be murdered any day, for any reason or non-reason, under the egregious auspices of “law enforcement,” while simply trying to live their life in the United States of America, while I get to think about the carmel in my coffee.