Sincerely, Thank You

Dear Donald,

Sincerely, thank you for these past four years. Thank you for your attacks on the LGBTQ community. Thank you for your blatant racism. Thank you for your blatant classism. Thank you for radicalizing my own mother to the point that I now no longer recognize her when we speak. Thank you for exposing almost half of this country for the xenophobic homosexual racist garbage fire that it is.

I of course hope that you were able to latch onto the sarcasm in that first paragraph, save for the last sentence. I am grateful for that. As you prepare to leave office and (some of) the thousands of people you've incited and angered based on your claims of a rigged election begin to realize they were fighting on the wrong side of history we will see a turning point. You've led them so astray that they even thought they could overcome the Capitol and overthrow the government in bear skins and pitchforks.

Now here's the fun part. All of those people that worship you like the second coming of Christ (pretty sure that violates a commandment but that's a whole separate issue) are being identified. In the last week as more and more of them were being arrested and losing their jobs and basically having their lives turned upside down they looked to you. And where were you? you weren't out there fighting with them. You were tweeting (HA!) at them and then in the utmost betrayal shunned them for the violence in a short video that took three takes before you finally read the prepared speech word for word and left out your stolen election rhetoric.

While much of the MAGA crowd is still living in the false reality you've built for them many of the insurgents are sitting in their cells wondering what this was all for? Who was this for? Where was their future dictator and his line of heirs? You were hiding in the White House, melting down over your several social media bans and asking interns for their phones so your ever active twitter thumbs could fire off some more tweets only to get deleted within minutes.

Thank you for keeping the company you kept. What ever dirt you had on those that stood by you these last 4 years must've been good. Are you going to abandon them like you did your base? Forbes magazine has already made it known that any company that hires any of your cronies or outgoing staff will be treated very differently by the esteemed institution and magazine. Maybe you could find them all jobs in your organizations? Kayleigh McEnany would make a great concierge at Mar-A-Lago or a Trump hotel. I can picture her now denying the bed bug outbreak as the guests itch in front of her. She certainly has the experience of sweeping things under the rug. The always diplomatic Mike Pompeo would make a phenomenal Executive Assistant. At least it would save the time and energy of him removing his head from your- well, let's try to keep this civil. Then there's Hope Hicks! What to do with Hope? No, really, I can't think of a single productive thing she could provide in any of your businesses. Maybe she can be wife number four after Melania eventually leaves to pen her tell-all. Oh, and we can't forget the soon to be disbarred and reliably cantankerous Rudy "America's Now Disgraced Mayor" Giuliani. I'm sure you'll be done draining the life force out of him soon so I guess that's a non issue.

I guess that just leaves us with you. What are your plans for post Presidency and impeachment? Maybe a quiet life enjoying a permanent ban from Twitter on the Gulf Coast. Maybe a stint in LA trying to get the Trump News Network jumpstarted. Maybe you'll find a way to inherit Epstein island and you can whisk your good friend Ghislaine there for trips of nostalgia and the good old days.

Well, unfortunately I don't think you'll need to work on making any plans. I'm sure Letitia James is busy making those plans for you. Not only will you be facing charges in NYC but after your failed coup attempt I think you might have some federal charges coming your way too! What fun! Just think, you'll be able to meet face to face all your former supporters also jailed for treason at your behest in the always safe confines of prison. I'm sure they're looking forward to it just as much as you are.

However there is another group of people who are waiting with baited breath like children waking up on Christmas morning of the day the front page of The New York Post is a picture of you in handcuffs and some quippy headline like "Now his clothes can match his face" or "Trump takes a (perp) walk", the 81,283,485 Americans who legally voted you out of office on and before November 3rd. We have waited for this day since the first chants of "Lock her up". We have waited for this since you first referred to a certain ethnic group as rapists. We have waited for this pretty much every day for four years, uncertain if we'd ever live to see the day or if it would ever actually come to fruition. Well, not to count my all my eggs ahead of time but we can at least take solace in the fact that you, your family, your cohorts, your entire term will go down in history as one of the biggest stains this country had to endure. Your legacy will be filled with so much shame and your crimes taught for years to our children that the Trump name will be one of the most reviled names only synonymous with maybe the Donner party, which considering current events is quite fitting. It's been a rocky ride Don and we only have one piece of advice:

Don't drop the soap.

Sincerely,

The popular vote.