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Love*, a Canadian

by Tom Siv about a month ago in trump

*Read with heavy sarcasm


Dear Mr. Trump,

I address you in this letter in the hopes of demonstrating my eternal gratitude towards you.

There are so many things I wish to thank you for, but any more than this short list would become quickly redundant. So please. Allow me.

Thank you, first and foremost, for being a true idol. A true idol that is symbolic of the worst in Humanity. During these past four years under your “leadership,” I have witnessed only what I can describe as a true torrential collapse in morality that would make the Seven Sins blush in embarrassment.

It was surreal to see the hatred, egocentrism, and disdain of those that would rally under your banner. The sheer lack of human empathy present amongst your followers, of which raised you as their hero for a wide palette of reasons. One that ranges from pure idiocy to spiteful maliciousness, to unsustainable selfishness, and more.

I thank you for showing me this true rainbow of apathy, ugly enough in its shades and tones that it would make a leprechaun spontaneously implode into a burst of fire.

I wish to additionally thank you for giving the world a first-class lesson in political corruption and in the failings of checks and balances from the government. Your endless hunger for power and relevance showed to the entire planet how powerless (or worse, unwilling) the highest members of your country are when it comes to stopping the rise of a potential dictator. When it comes to home at least, I guess. Latin American countries are a whole other story…

I have to applaud your courage. You wished to “drain the swamp” as you claimed many times during your original campaign. It was sheer bravery on your part to start by delving headfirst into this swamp. You really showcased how deep it truly went as you have yet to stick your head back up from it. Of course, you were already waist-deep into it from the beginning. But I am certain we can ignore this small fallacy. After all, ignoring problems is your family’s specialty, isn’t it?

Speaking of which, I would like to equally thank you for murdering hundreds of thousands of Americans.

Your complete incompetence claimed so many lives and will continue to do well into your successor’s presidency. It was like watching an episode of Black Mirror or The Twilight Zone. I have to applaud you. So many of Humanity’s worst monsters have committed genocides and mass murders but the way you did so without even trying, just by being as apathetic and attained by fatal simpleness of the mind. It would almost be extremely hilarious if we were not talking about innocent human lives in the first place.

Lastly, I wish to thank you for making me re-evaluate my relationship and opinion of Americans, as a Canadian. Thank you for making me realize my love and affection for those that opposed you from the beginning.

The brave Americans, the empathetic Americans. The Americans that chose better, not only for themselves but for their fellow human. The Americans that show a true depth of will, personality, and a shining bright flame of Humanity.

These folks will hold my undying appreciation for their will to fight for what is right and what is fair.

But additionally, thank you for making me realize my hatred for the other part of the American people.

Those that would follow you blindly, like sheep running off a ledge to plunge into a literal dumpster fire. The racists, the hateful, the faux-religious that would preach rather than practice. The bigots, the homophobes, and the downright evil.

You are the worst part of existing on this planet, one that I hate that I have to share with you.

Thank you, Mr. Trump. For being their symbol of representation. It makes it easy to recognize any rotten person by the fact that they follow you. You are the human embodiment of a Confederate flag belt buckle or a Nazi tattoo. You are the actual mark of the human garbage landfill that is your rabid crowd of followers.

Thank you for being the villain that the world did not deserve but needed. One to make us see the true depth of the evil devouring it.

You won’t be missed. At least, not by anyone that has any shred of decency.


A Canadian.

P.S.: Thanks for ruining Home Alone 2 for me, ya jerk. I bet talking to you in person feels exactly the same as touching the wet food in the sink drain.

Tom Siv
Tom Siv
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Tom Siv
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