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Wait, you're a WHAT?!

By Mickey FinnPublished 7 years ago 8 min read

I know, I know. You’re probably picturing some country whack-job in flannel in front of a pile of MRE’s and ammunition. Well, that is a bullshit image that the media paints of Libertarianism the same way they painted Bernie supporters as entitled whiny brats. We are not Republicans in any sense of the word. Nor do we support racism, religious ideology, or legislated morality. The only thing that we even remotely agree with Republicans on is cutting spending, but for much different reasons. We are also not anarchists. At least not all of us. The phrase is “Minarchism,” which is the idea of only having a government big enough to provide the rights and structure allowed by our Constitution. So, here is a break-down of what I believe, and why in the hopes that even if you don’t agree you can see where I am coming from.


Taxes are a necessary evil at some level, but literally everything we do these days comes with a tax. It has become a case of taxing to support the systems the government built to provide services but never seems to review and cut. In a company, if something is only taking money in and not doing anything, they cut that department or restructure to keep costs down. The government doesn’t do that. Any Defense employee can tell you that they come around and tell you to “spend it all or lose it next quarter."


Of course we need welfare programs. That is not my issue. My issue is that we have dozens of programs aimed at very specific demographics and with tons of oversight to prevent anyone outside that target from benefiting. The result is that for every dollar we give the government, only about fifteen cents gets to the welfare recipient. That’s bullshit. There are better ways to do it. People who need help need it now, not in six-to-eight weeks.


Were I a woman, I would not opt for an abortion if I found myself pregnant unexpectedly. However, I am not a woman and I have no right to ban women from a healthcare benefit. Pregnancy risks health, interrupts life planning, and results in a kid who will need more support from the system. The Republicans, who rarely base anything on, you know... reality, say this is a moral issue, but it absolutely is not. You can't force a birth, then cry about welfare and prison overcrowding. That's the definition of an industrial-prison complex.

However, I do not think that this should be paid for with taxpayer dollars. No one gets spontaneously pregnant, and you are fiscally responsible for your actions. I favor an “escrow account” model, for this. Uncle Sam pays the bill, and gets paid back with no interest with a payment plan. Women get access to an important benefit, and no one needs to feel they are forced to subsidize “murder.”

Gun Ownership

Here is where I differ from a lot of Libertarians: We need universal background checks for every sale. All of them. There is no reasonable argument that anyone can make to me that explains why it is possible for someone with a felony record in Nebraska can drive over to Arizona, pass the background check and get a firearm.

However, restricting the type of guns, ammunition capacities, and registration are all patently illegal, and they are illegal for a very good reason. The Second Amendment will be its own article, but basically: Yes, you are allowed to buy ground-to-air missiles and flamethrowers in this country. The right to bear arms is the second right because it is the only recourse to maintaining freedom after the first, free speech, has failed.

Class Warfare

It doesn’t exist. At least not in the way Karl Marx and his followers want it to. It never has. It was just the only way to topple the government in homogeneous societies like Russia and China.

Here, the latest generation of social justice warriors are fighting to prove that we have systemic classism here in the US. Personally, I think they have their cart in front of the horse. The only thing that holds anyone back in this country is their talent and ambition. What we have is an overcrowded country that consumes much more than it produces.


What if the UN threw a war and the US didn’t come? We always wind up in the shit, paying the cost ourselves and getting publicly shamed by the UN. It’s absolute “Fun-Town Frolics.” They never take action, and when they do they make the situation worse and we wind up having to intervene.

Let’s stop. Let’s spend money on our own defense, border patrols, and development. We don’t need a war overseas to develop.

And can someone please cancel the Gawd-dammit F-35? I am so sick of this thing.

Illegal Immigration

Yes, I said “illegal,” because it is illegal. That is not a moral reflection, it is a legal one. It’s also completely stupid for a country founded on immigration opportunity to close the doors on people.

I say, instead of a wall, let’s build offices through which migrant workers will pass and fill out tax forms. It enforces minimum wage and takes the “under-bidding” aspect away, to allow for fair competition but still allows for opportunities for people seeking them.

Term Limits/Professional Politicians

My most radical concept is limiting Congress to no more than two terms. We have Congress people who have been in office for thirty years and are still voting their generation’s beliefs. Move over, it is a new generation’s turn.

I truly believe that after the Reconstruction, power-seekers aimed at a restructure to create a de facto “ruling class.” Congress was meant to be made up of our peers. The professional pursuit of power or authority to rule should never be a lifelong endeavor. It eventually builds Autocracies, which we are dangerously close to now.


It is as fair as it is physically possible to be; get what you can, while you can. Of course, that is a struggle and the deck is stacked toward the rich. It always will be. Always. That doesn’t change with Socialism or Communism. The only difference is in Capitalism, you can change your status through hard work, talent and luck. Socialism and Communism are designed as methods of control and keeping the governed in their place.

If you think that taxes will equal the playing field, then you don’t understand taxes. Wealth isn’t taxed, income is. So, increasing taxes on a millionaire doesn’t matter. They don’t have a paycheck to tax. You do. They sell it to you to “hurt the rich” but it’s basically rich people trying to convince us that other rich people are our biggest problem in life.

LGBT Issues

Every human being deserves to be treated with courtesy and that means using the correct pronouns. No one, anywhere, for any reason, has any right to tell another how or who to love, and especially not who they are. If you have an issue with LGBT people, that is your problem and like everything in the magical kingdom or "Your Problems." Unfortunately being an asshole isn't illegal.

However, we need to be careful of running around saying that anything that isn’t specifically tailored to LGBT sensibilities is alienating. The vast majority of Americans are not LGB or T, so some compromise and learning are going to be necessary. The only way to change that is to start telling people what to think, and that is a very dangerous cliff to stand next to.

So, you see, being a Libertarian does not mean that we are Anti- anything. It means that we view everything from the point of view of the Constitution. When a bill is proposed, we run it through the first fifty-two words of the document and if we find it wanting, we are against it. We need laws that protect people from direct action by other people and that is about as free of a society as you can have.

The instant you take money from people and spend it in a way that they don’t agree with, you have to create a police force and authorize them to use deadly force to maintain your policy. Why? Because you have stopped representing all of your people and the remainder are going to grumble, then protest and, finally, someone will get killed.

The root word of Libertarianism is “Liberty.” That means for all. You should have the freedom to pursue what makes you happy. Freedom cannot be “fair,” though. That is a concept for children. In all the universe, there is not enough to go around and it will eventually run out of energy.

We know this, yet we fight the dark with fairytales about a magical sky-wizard or kid ourselves that we, as humans, can somehow make it fair. Well, to do that, you have to hold some people back, and those people tend to be your best and brightest. They figure it out and bring around a revolution every time.

Why sow the possibility of revolution when we have so many entrepreneurs to tackle these problems? The government is people, companies are people. The difference is that a company is motivated to survive, where governments can enforce their survival at gun-point. Yes, we have a ton of problems, and yes we need answers, but in the last fifty years, can you think of one paradigm shift that came from the government? They are always the last to act. Always.

Every time we need a change it comes from the Free-Market. Look for my up-coming article about how Capitalism is the only reason that the Civil Rights movement was possible. The bottom line is that whether you are Black, White, Gay, or Straight, you are an American and you deserve to be free. Libertarians believe that this includes everything you do that does not impede someone else’s right to the same thing. It is that simple.


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