How Romantic Heartbreak Prepared Me For Post-Election America

Can you remember your first crush? Mine was Alyssa, the pretty girl with brown hair in my first grade classroom. I don't remember much about first grade. But I clearly recall that electrifying feeling of chasing her attention.

At some point in childhood I began to learn about something you're supposed to do when you like someone. A cosmic collection of confidence and thoughtfulness with a sprinkle of surprise. I began to learn about romance.

I know you understand what I mean when I say the following: Romance seemed like total bliss until it turned to heartbreak. As the butterflies in my chest became slugs in my stomach I was faced with the timeless question "Why can't I be with the one I love?"

The more times I ran into this question (I'm 27 and unmarried - so it's happened) the more upset I felt about "having nobody to love". But the true problem was that I didn't understand what love really means.

Our American culture bombards us with the message that love means being exclusively together with someone attractive. Have that relationship? Congrats, you've got love! Still single? Get your crap together before there's nobody left.

But our culture is ignoring the reality of what love really is. Simply put, when you love someone you want them to have what's best for them even if it's not what's best for yourself. The hard truth is that sometimes being together with me isn't what's best for someone I'm in love with.

In the midst of my own feelings of disappointment I've had to learn to accept the reality - If I won't support someone I love choosing something or someone better for her than me, then I never really loved her.

It's one thing to love what others can do for us. It's another to love who they actually are even when their faults inconvenience us. It's one thing to gladly support someone in the ways we prefer to be supportive. It's another to commit our will to ensuring they find the support they actually need.

This election season, I saw two types of people on my news feed. Group one existed on both sides on the political aisle. Starting with a pre-existing idea of what others in America needed, they extolled the virtues of their own vision while villainizing their opposition. Group two reacted in all caps proclaiming that "ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"

Group one is nailing the coffin of respectful discourse in our democracy. Group two may be correct, but only if they're referring to what love really means. Remember, real love demands we support what's truly best for another. Even when it's inconvenient. Even when what we'd prefer to offer isn't what they truly need.

Hollywood romance won't save America. Neither will indifference. But real love might just give us a fighting chance. We've all had chances to learn this kind of love. We'll all be presented with more of them soon.

Imagine how local, state, and national discourse would be different if we the people challenged our own assumptions about what our neighbors need. Forget the professional politicians for a second. I'm talking about you, me, and the people we see each day.

What if we spent our lives humbly seeking the truth of what's best for each other? What if we built a culture of collaborating to bring that truth to life? It would change everything. When free people change, so do free countries.

Where do we learn how build such a culture? By learning how to truly love.

Heartbreak is the classroom where each of us is asked to learn just that. If you want to change the world, think about someone who truly broke your heart. In the midst of your own mixed emotions, choose to hope and pray that they will find the real love they need, even though it won't be with you. This is true love.

Once you know how to really love one person, you can really love two. Then you can love a third and a fourth. You can really love as many people as you set your mind to. Your world transforms from being a place with "nobody to love" to a place with "everyone to love".

For lasting peace in a post-election America, we need citizens who live with a lens of "everyone to love". This love must be true. Luckily, we've all been gifted a diploma from the academy of heartbreak.

The keys to America's future are written in the pasts of its individual citizens. Learn to will the good of people who have hurt you. It'll form you into someone who will make America more spectacular than ever before, one act of real love at a time.