Government and the underdog

The one thing I have been dreading feels like it's creeping up slowly. I can't tell if I'm doing the wrong or trying to help my family out in these challenging times during the pandemic. Suppose it was only easy to make money and not have someone trying to pull you down at the same time.

I live in an apartment where I have to inform the office where I live when making any money. So it is called income base housing, and it sucks so bad. I only wish I could get out of places like this and try to make a good life with my kids. But it's never that easy. There is always something that pulls me back down when I start doing good in any way.

I want to make money and not worry about losing my place to live, and I shouldn't have to do that. I hate having to worry about that. I am receiving PUA, and the place I live is telling me that it is what they call income. How is it considered income when it's pandemic related? How does it fall under income at all? As soon as the pandemic is over, there won't be a thing called PUA.

Right now, I am so aggravated and scared that I'm going to get kicked out of my apartment. Then I will have to go and try living with my grandmother again. That is something I don't want to do. My life where I am right now is good. I'm not even making enough money on the PUA to even get anywhere in life. MY family and I are just making it. I have two kids, and they are both teens. I can't seem to do anything right. I always mess something up one way or another.

I want to stop putting in for the PUA. Then I will be back at point A. I don't want to be back at point A. If I stop getting the PUA, I will have to rely on my boyfriend for most of everything. I am an independent mom, and I don't particularly appreciate having to take handouts from other people. Especially the person I am dating. He wants that I am an independent person and can make it on my own. If I stop being able to make it on my own, will he still want to be with me?

We have been together for almost a year, and I don't know if we would make it through a point in my life where I have to rely on him for everything. I mean, I am a single mother, and the kid's father is not in the picture at all. He doesn't help with anything, and I wouldn't expect my boyfriend to have to do everything that their father should be doing—it not my boyfriend's responsibility. Don't get me wrong, and my boyfriend is an old school at heart.

He is always saying that it's his job to be the breadwinner. But it's not his job to take care of my kids and me.

It is my job to provide for my children. Maybe I should close my PUA account and start promoting my cleaning services again. When I have clients, I do good, and I don't have to report that income because it's under the table. I can keep it to myself. It is so hard to make it in life when you are on any government assistance. There is no making money and trying to get off of government assistance at the same time. There is no way out of it.

The government doesn't make it easy to get off any help they give. Once you choose to receive government help, that's the end of your own life. Once you start getting government support, they will never let you go. It's the worst thing you could ever do. In the beginning, you believe you're going to start getting government help just until you get back on your feet to help you feed your family and have insurance for your kids to go to the doctor. They make it a point in their miserable life never to allow you to get off of it.

By government assistance, I'm talking about job and family services. Once you are on that shit, you will never get off of it. There is no getting a job or going to get a house for your family. You can believe you will only start getting it until you get back on your feet, but that's never the case. Once your name is on those documents, there is no taking it off. It will never go away or end.

You can't get ahead in the world once you ask for help. I believe if the government wanted to help you, they would help you. Not try and keep you down, so they have a job. Some of the people who work in their office talk down to you like they are better than you are. Half of everyone who works there is on some service from the government, so they are no better than you.

Job and family ties into so many other programs too. Like where I am living now. Government housing! It's income-based, and as long as you have no income, it's easy to live here, but as soon as you start having money coming in, don't be fooled. They will get there's. On top of it all, it doesn't matter how much money you are making; your rent will be outrageous no matter what. There is no getting away from any of it.

I would love to be off of all government help. But they make it so hard to do that. I got a job, and as soon as I got the job, they lowered my food stamps and cut insurance; on top of that, where I live raised my rent. I have a 3bdr townhouse, and the rent went up to almost 400$ a month. That's as much as a whole house costs where I live.

I want to start a job and not report any income for at least a year. So I could try and save some money and get a head start before they want to pull me back down and I have nothing again. I would like not to worry about if I am going to have to find another place to live. Maybe even find a place to live before reporting the income I have before they want to dip their hands into the money I make.

Now that I am getting PUA, the office where I live wants to know everything about it to get there. But it's income that I won't get after the pandemic is over. If I even continue to put in for it. It's so much stress I don't need. I am ready to be broke and say fuck it all. I don't want to lose the place I have lived at for over seven years now. My kids grew up here. It may not be the best neighborhood, but It's our home.

I don't know what to do for real. That's why I wish there were a comment section on vocal to get feedback from fellow story writers. Sometimes I get on here and start writing to get stuff off of my chest. It kind of work's sometimes, but it doesn't fix everything. It just takes the stress away for a little bit.