5 Questions the Climate Talks Failed To Ask Our Leaders

Glasgow hosted our world leaders for the climate conference. It’s a great place to have it. If there is any place in the world that can scare politicians into doing something, it’s Glasgow.

Remember the Glasgow Airport attack when terrorists rammed their Jeep loaded with propane canisters into the glass doors of the Glasgow Airport terminal and set it ablaze.

One terrorist got out of the car, set himself on fire and ran across the terminal — only to be rugby tackled by a Scotsman. Members of the public intervened and punched the terrorists in the face.

That’s what happens when you try to stop a Glaswegian from going on holiday to Spain. Make us proud, Glasgow.

The story so far

Our world leaders arrived in Glasgow and got a preview of what a post-climatic disaster looks like.

So that’s good.

Apart from the leaders, Glasgow was flooded with 30,0000 delegates, police, secret service, and thousands of protestors glueing theirfaces to the tarmac.

Glaswegians are renowned for their generosity, humour and no-nonsense approach to life. They are also are proud of their culture:

This is the statute of Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington, who was best known for giving his name to the wellington boot — also for defeating Napoleon at the Battle of Waterloo.

“He is a military hero who should be respected.” Said some pompous ass on the council.

If you take a trip down Queen Street, Glasgow, you won’t ever find Arthur without his cone hat. Glaswegians are happy to thumb their noses at authority.

Glasgow is a place where parenting skills consist of telling your crying kid to, “Stop greetin’ or I’ll give you something to greet about.” If you lie to them, they will ask you, “Do you think I am buttoned up the back.”

Glaswegians are the very people who should put our world leaders on the spot. This is what they should have asked:

What if you are wrong?

What if your gut instinct is wrong and the tens of thousands of scientists who have studied this over the past 40 years are right? What then?

Climate scientists predict more freakish weather, fires will burn and rivers will flood. Mass migration will disrupt every country in the world.

Mother earth will lose almost every species it gave birth to. From Aardvarks to Zebra Sharks — all gone, pushing up the daisies, kicked the bucket, deceased. And that includes us. That’s the price of being wrong.

What if your greedy, money-grabbing corruption is all for nothing?

If you don’t take drastic action now — this minute, you won’t be able to spend all the money you get from the oil and coals companies. No place will be safe.

Your riverside home will be flooded. Tornados will rip through your country house and the poor and hungry will break in looking to raid your empty fridge. And when everyone dies, you die along with them.

Have you no children?

We only ask because it seems like you don’t give a flying fuck about what happens to them. Don’t you care? Are you happy to die knowing your grandchildren will choke to death in the same way you have strangled the planet?

Is staying in power more important to you than anything?

Are you really so insecure? Are you so hungry to be voted back into office that you are prepared to murder every living thing on this planet?

Are you stupid?

What haven’t you taken into that thick skull of yours? What do you not understand about this? If you don’t do something drastic now — we’re all going to die.

Final Thought

I’ve always been an optimist. I have faith in the human spirit and our ability to innovate change. That’s been sorely tested.

The COVID pandemic is perhaps a prime example of our world leaders’ inability to grasp the key lessons from the past and act.

The fact is, we are witnessing our 26th COP summit and the previous 25 conferences have failed to produce nothing more than sticking plaster for our planet’s festering wounds.

I wouldn’t trust them to organise a piss up in a brewery.